Ponting: Racism Is The Root Cause Of Road Accidents

This is the scoop of the century guys. A super exclusive interview with Ricky Ponting post the WACA fiasco. This story also reveals the truth behind the racism charges. He was heard muttering under his breath something on the lines of, "Yess.. this is my chance to show them I am innocent".

Crimson: After all the hullo ballo post Sydney, how does it feel to loose at perth?
Ponting: If you are trying to question my cricketing skills, you shouldn't be standing there!

Crimson (Surprised): Whew! I thought you were keen on giving this interview, but you seem a little stressed out... mate! Are you sure you want to continue?
Ponting: Of course! Don't mind that Maite! Its just a habit. I am not used to getting drubbed, so am using every opportunity to drub others. Basically that was my honest answer to the first question. I am feeling a little sad though. I thought I was doing the right thing and everybody opposed me.
By the way, if you are questioning my eagerness to share my thoughts, you shouldn't be standing there!

Crimson: What 'right thing' are you talking about? And just for your information, I am sitting.
Ponting: You know, the racist thing. I thought it would be a nice example to call Harbhajan a racist and help spread awareness about traffic rules.

Crimson (Baffled): Racism & Traffic rules? I am sorry if I am being daft here but, what exactly are you trying to say?
Ponting: Oh come on Maite! Speeding and racing are the root cause of accidents on roads. And when umpire Bucknor told me and Symonds to charge Bhajji as a racist we agreed. We have raced a lot against Bhajji around the hotels and we think he is a darn good racist. Might as well charge behind him and prove that we play "hard and fair". I really couldn't get the monkey connect there, but I guess Symonds liked the idea so we went ahead with it.

Crimson (Baffled, raised to power 100): Do you even know what racism means?
Ponting: I am not sure mate, but if you are questioning my vocabulary then you shouldn't be standing there!

Crimson: Ok Ok. We can move ahead. Guess the racism thing has been misunderstood completely. Are you planning to drop the charges against Harbhajan? Given that you charged him with over-speeding, should he be punished for racism?
Ponting: No Maite! Harbhajan said something bad about Symonds' mother as well. He has confessed it. We did not get it earlier. But now that we have got it, in the spirit of the game, we wont let it go.

Crimson: We thought he called Symonds a monkey. Where does the mother fit in?
Ponting: I don't know, I am confused myself. He said something like "Teri Maan Ki...". He didn't finish the sentence but we know his intentions were wrong. But I think we wont drop the charges because between over-speeding, monkey calling and mother taunts, Harbhajan must have done at least one thing wrong. So we think he gotta go.

Crimson: Well, lets move on to cricket now. What are your plans for the next test?
Ponting: Earlier Harbhajan was getting me out, and now its Sharma. I think we can charge Sharma as a racist and win the match. He sure is bowling fast too. So this time I know we wont get it wrong. Again, I am not sure if bowling fast and driving fast are related, but at times you just gotta go with the flow. And then may be we can remain the best team in the world, and I may become the best batsman in the world.

Crimson: Don't you think thats unfair? Sharma has just started his career. And by the way, do you know that Sachin might be conferred the Knighthood by Great Britain? Thats what happens to best batsmen. Look at Sir Don Bradman. You are not even close.
Ponting: If you are trying to question my fairness, you shouldn't be standing there!
Talking about Sharma, I told you, we play "hard and fair". And "unfair" is also a type of "fair". On knighthood, I usually like to be famous during the day, so I am not really worried.

Crimson (Slaps himself on the forehead with the center of his palm): One last question. Do you plan to go to school anytime soon?
Ponting: If you are trying to question my whatever, you shouldn't be standing there!! I am sorry, I didn't know what you were questioning and I was dying to say it again.
No, with all the cricket happening, school seems a little low on priority. Although, Symonds did mention he wanted to go to school cause he was not sure if monkey was a 'speeding racist car' or an 'Indian deity'. They have him all confused. Poor guy!
But thanks for the suggestion. We as a team learn from our mistakes and will work on them.

Crimson: Thanks a lot for giving us your time. All the best for Adelaide.
Ponting: Thanks Crimson. All the best to you for getting 'laid' too! *wink* Cheers Maite!

New ICC Rules

A certain Mr Sharath makes some very interesting suggestions here as a comment. I REQUEST and PLEAD to Mr Malcolm Speed to ensure that ICC adopts these. It will at least keep the air clear.

(1) Ricky Ponting (THE TRULY GENUINE CRICKETER OF THE ERA, WHOSE INTEGRITY SHOULD NOT BE DOUBTED) should be considered as the FOURTH UMPIRE. As per the new rules, FOURTH UMPIRE decision is final and will over ride any decisions taken by any other umpires. ON-FIELD umpires can seek the assistance of RICKY PONTING even if he is not on the field. This rule is to be made, so that every team should understand the importance of the FOURTH UMPIRE.

(2) While AUSTRALIAN TEAM is bowling, if the ball flies anywhere close to the AUSTRALIAN FIELDER (WITHIN 5 metre distance), the batsman is to be considered OUT irrespective of whether the catch was taken cleanly or grounded. Any clarification for decision should be seeked from the FOURTH UMPIRE. This is made to ensure that the cricket is played with in the RIGHT SPIRIT by all the teams.

(3) While batting, AUSTRALIAN players will wait for the ON-FIELD UMPIRE decisions only (even if the catch goes to the FIFTH SLIP) as the ball might not have touched the bat and swung to the fifth slip. Each AUSTRALIAN batsman has to be out at least FOUR TIMES before he can return to the pavilion. In case of THE CRICKETER WITH INTEGRITY, this can be higher.

(4) UMPIRES should consider a huge bonus if an AUSTRALIAN player scores a century. Any wrong decisions can be ignored as they will be paid huge bonus and will receive the backing of the AUSTRALIAN team and board.

(5) All AUSTRALIAN players are eligible to keep commenting about and harassing all players on the field and their families (specifically mothers) and the OPPONENT TEAM should never comment as they will be spoiling the spirit of the AUSTRALIAN team. Any comments made in any other language are to be considered as RACISM only.

(6) MATCH REFREE decisions will be taken purely on the AUSTRALIAN TEAM advice only.

PS.
Bhajji probably told Symonds, "Teri Maan Ki..." and Symonds heard Monkey. No Racism here. Every race has Mothers.
Australian cricket lovers are fabulous but the current Australian team us quiet pathetic.

And as i write this... news came in that Bhajji is in and Bucknor is OUT!

...but Symonds does look like a monkey!

The outcome of the 2nd test between India and Australia does not read 'Australia defeated India by 122 runs'. It reads 'Ricky Ponting and his men have lost all respect, and have let down Australia as a nation, and great cricketers like Steve Waugh'.

Not walking out in spite of clearly being out, and appealing while there is no reason to, only reflects the levels of unsportsmanlike behavior that the Australians have stooped to.

The Umpires' decisions and their overconfidence sucks like rotten rats sucking on dead meat. Disgusting and unrealistic. Steve Bucknor has lost his respect too.

This match was a reflection of how past success can blind you and make you prone to injustice. Australia and Bucknor, both have been successful at what they have done in the past, and I hope that this day marks the end of their success.

I believe that this Australian team will soon see its downfall and Bucknor shall have a disappointing end to his career.

Btw, Bhajji has been banned for three tests, on alleged charges of calling Andrew Symonds a monkey. It was Bhajji's word against Andrew's. Sure the odds are against poor Bhajji. They say Brad Hog called Indians as 'Bastards'. Hearing for that will happen later. All this is so un-cricket. What Bhajji did, if he did, is not worthy of pride, but as Siddhu put it, when Australians do it, its called mental disintegration and when Indians do it, its called racial abuse.

How does it matter if there was no corroborative evidence. After all, in spite of corroborative evidence against Steve Bucknor and Mark Benson's decision, no action seems to have been taken. I hope it soon will.

For now, I think India should only demand that this match be given unofficial status. Then at least we have an outside chance to win the series and give the Australians what they deserve. A humiliating defeat.

Thumbs down and a BIG ZERO to the Australian team.
Minus Ten to Ricky Ponting, Adam Gilchrist & Mathew Clarke.
Minus Hundred to Steve Bucknor & Mark Benson, the Third Umpire and the Match Referee.

...having arrived

last night must have been the most memorable and fulfilling night of Robin Uthappa's life...

now you may say, what?! this guy still loves cricket? and is mad enough to write about it? and that too about one single new kid on the block, whose success is probably only as real or nebulous as ganguly's patience? (Ganguly is another topic!!!! someday soon)

As i walked to the balcony to get some fresh air, after having shouted and cheered india (from the comforts of our home), i was thoughtless.

...and then, i recalled the first day when i had recieved my first FIRST prize (recitation of "Rana pratap ka Ghoda") .... i can damn bet even today that I had walked out of the school in slow motion!! ... i could feel all eyes were at me, and i was the carefree conquorer of .. well a hindi recitation competition... may be it was the rana pratap effect, or the mere fact that a new girl had recently joined the class and i knew i had made an impression!... but yes... i had felt my self on, i dont know 9 or what, but some CLOUD!

i remembered all those moments, when success, had made me content, and light... when i felt i had arrived (how many times can u arrive in life?!? i dont know)...

robin, had reached a landmark. thumping the air with the fist (and actuallyy bloody being captured in SLOW motion!) ... getting india to victory... well done!

and something in me, could somehow share that moment! ...


i dont know what it feels like to take india to victory... i do know what its like to feel arrived!



PS.
Yesterday, Robin Uthappa scored 47 off 33 balls, hitting 2 consecutive fours in the last over, to beat an english total of 316, with 2 balls to spare, at the 6th one day cricket match between India and England at Oval. This was his first chance to bat in this tour, and first outing in a long time, after the world cup defeat. He has shown character, temperament and skill.

All the best to you. Cheers Mate.