O+ : halkat!
O-> : aha! you are in the mood
O+ : the puss which oozes out of the fungus on stale bread!!
O-> : right. precisely
O+ : the doggy poo which stinks... the fly with AIDS... the mosquito who is infertile
O-> : okkk. baby... feelin better :)
O+ : a lil
O-> : good... u can say more... like a rotten anal wart from a dead pig's colon!
O+ : yuck!!! bleh! gives me goose bumps
O-> : ok ok. then smthng less disgusting.. like... a fly without wings?
O+ : ok
O-> : ...and a crawling cockroach with no antennae?
O+ : yuck... like a swatted cockroach with broken legs and diahrohhea! ...like the poo of a honey bee when its got dysentry
O-> : lol. that sure was a good one
O+ : he is the rotten stink of a dead rat. puke!
O-> : come on now. u cant puke on this. u said it urself! :)
O+ : so what? the thought makes me puke..
O-> : lol. ok baby. we are tryin to get some peace into ur system here.. so cool
O+ : he is the dehydrated semen of a nymphomaniac
O-> : Awwwsssoommemeeeeee. THAT was the BEST! ...seriously.
he is the sperm flushed away after masturbation in a pakistani refugee camp...
O+ : dont have fun at my expense
O-> : ahem! that WAS a good one
O+ : I dont really hate pakistanis that much
O-> : oh. ok
O+ : not ALL of them are bad you know
O-> : then .. well ... we can make it... a donkey's sperm flushed away after masturbation?
O+ : lol!! yeah... and ...he is the rash inside the butt crack of a farting hedgehog
O-> : HAHAHAHHA... how coool. u are really getting a good hang of this
O+ : ya rrrright!!!!
O-> : :) really baby...u are doing very well. u excel at everything u do
O+ : yuck!... I just got s disgusting thought
O-> : tell me tell me :)
O+ : he is the herpes inside the vagina of a menstruating woman
bleh!!
yuck!!
puke!!
urgh!
O-> : HAWWWWW... yuckkk. really yuckkk. but then, i think this is when u hit the peak. venting out is good
O+ : he is the condom on a dildo without batteries
O-> : he is the lube used when making animal porn
O+ : he is the bacteria in the tooth cavity of a stinking mouth
O-> : ... the bell shape curve requiremnt is being fulfilled... ur behaviour in the last half an hour has been certified as totally natural
O+ : he is horrid and mean and selfish and a virgin and I will hex him so that he remains a virgin for the rest of his life. His heart will want all the action but his body wont RISE to any occasion and he will get the job as a bartender at a strip bar with boobilicious women!
O-> : okkkk then!!... u ARE defying nature
O+ : how come?
O-> : u picked up tempo after going down on the bell curve!!
O+ : huh?
O-> : u ARE, my girl, supernatural
O+ : yeah yeah yeah!
Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Blogger Friends Review "Knots and No Crosses"
Guys.. reviews have started pouring in for 'Knots And No Crosses - Heartbreak after heartbreak, he still dreams of a perfect wedding...' and needless to say the reaction has been good. Well, what the heck, its actually been overwhelming! I just hope the publisher is able to make it available across enough bookstores for the the book to pick momentum by word of mouth.
The overall review, in short, has been that everyone liked it. Almost no one who picked it up, put it down before finishing it, and everyone thinks its a fantastic first attempt. Some have rated it a notch above 'Five Point Someone' in terms of the entertainment quotient, and more than a few notches in terms of quality of writing!
Am sharing the reviews of some of our blogger friends. For the complete set of reviews check 'The Readers' section of the book website here.
Reviews
"It (Knots And No Crosses) makes for a compulsive reading. It was after maybe three odd years that I read a book in one complete sitting, oblivious of the coffee getting cold on the tableside.
But getting back to the point, one of the best points about the book was the way past and present were not only alternated but linked too, so as to maintain a continuity.. and there would be no guy walking the earth who would not empathise with Akkie at one point or the other in the entire novel...
...all in all, a wonderful read... amazingly well done, because to sustain the tempo is easy for a short story, but to maintain it over the course of a novel takes some doing, and Hitesha is one person who could have, and indeed has, successfully carried it off... *bows in salute* "
- Words from the wise sage Marvin the Paranoid Android, also known as Flight Lieutenant Rishi Verma, 48 Squadron, Indian Air Force
"Oh Boy! What a book... That’s exactly what I said when I was done reading it. I have read Hitesha’s blog so ideally it shouldn’t have come as a surprise, but it did... She has clearly outdone herself.
I simply love the way she takes us through Akki's journey. I know it’s a guy’s story but I could just totally relate to it. I felt like I am "IN" the story, living every moment with Akki... taking me through so many emotions. I smiled, I laughed, I almost cried, things tugged on my heart and I almost suffered heartbreak every time Akki was going through one.
Its fiction, and it still felt so close to life... the uncertainty of life, the achy-breaky heart full of optimism, and not just that, how everything we plan almost never happens and how it can take a totally different direction sometimes. I just simply love the way Akki's story progresses from one relationship to another and how Hitesha takes us through his wedding-to-be.
And guess in which section of my library this book goes to - "Once you pop you can’t stop" ... Really! If you ask me to say something about the book in just two words, I'd say - fresh and frothy (considering that I am a coffee lover J)
Best of Luck Hitesha; hope to see many more books written by you, and hopefully a real romantic story too, soon!"
- Expressed loudly by The Silent Beauty
"Gosh! I never knew the plight of a marriageable young man who, like so many women of his age, still believes in falling in love and dream weddings. Hitesha brings a fresh perspective by a mere twist in gender.
This book stands as a lone voice calling attention to the miseries of thirty something unmarried Indian men still optimistic about finding a soul-mate and braving the emotional onslaught from family, friends and the world in general.
It is hilarious, well researched, fresh in concept and immensely contemporary."
- Writer of The Red Bathrobe and Other Stories Prapti Banerjee, Calcutta based, Manager at Aanand Bazaar Patrika
"...really nice.. reminds me of myself he he.. it really (is) a marvellous piece of writing. really like the way (the author) instinctively varies sentence lengths for variety, and use(s) flash back to keep the ball rolling right till the end.. considering young men get dumped all the time, (one) can expect a huge response (to this book)..."
- One of the Three Perfectly Normal Guys Flight Lieutenant Shantanu, 48 Squadron, Indian Air Force
Saturday, May 02, 2009
Knots and No Crosses - A Review
This is a review of the book in the context of the recent "successful debutant Indian author" phenomena.
Debutant Indian Authors
Debutante Indian authors have been making quite some waves recently. The seeds may have been sown with Anurag Mathur's 'The Inscrutable Americans', but there was a hint of a lull thereafter. The current scenario, however, has changed. Right from Chetan Bhagat becoming the reflection of the young Indian voice, to Arvind Adiga picking the Booker on debut, a section of modern Indian fiction seems to be coming of age. This shift is also characterised by changes in language, flow and appeal of the content. The urban woman oriented themes, clubbed as 'chick lit', are becoming more rampant and gaining popularity. Books like 'Almost Single' by Advait Kala, that has sold around 2000 copies by now, or the lesser known 'Pink or Black' by Tishaa, both debut novels, reflect this trend.
To add to this, is the trend of blogging that is proving to be a wonderful platform for a number of aspiring authors to test and hone their craft before attempting anything mainstream. So we have the likes of Meenakshi Reddy Madhavan, trying her pen via the blog 'The Complusive Confessor' and then landing a contract with a major publication for her debut novel 'You Are Here'.
Knots and No Crosses - The Book
Hitesha Deshpande, making her debut with the book "Knots and No Crosses", falls in a similar league. Having had a strong following on her blog 'Wild Imagination' (just one of over 5-6 well read fiction blogs that she has created over last few years), she has now come up with her debut novel. The brevity of her narration and her tact of connecting multiple threads of a story, and literally forcing the reader to remain glued to the book is most notable. The way the author connects one chapter to the other and how the story moves back and forth in time in a smooth and exciting manner displays her instinctive craftsmanship at story telling. Amusingly titled as 'Knots and No Crosses', roller coasters could learn a thing or two from this one hell of a reading ride.
The story is about a young small town lad called Akkie and his multiple relationships in life, culminating into the holy grail of an intended perfect wedding. A wedding that nightmarishly turns out to be almost everything except, perfect. The book captures multiple emotions and thought processes of the characters in a hilarious and crisp manner. Right from the comical description of the parental pressure of marital expectations and the ways to avoid them, to the almost insane behavior of a bride getting cold feet right before the day of the wedding, the book pulls you into its plot page by page. Weaved in between the wedding drama, is the past of this small town boy with big dreams, his multiple relationships and how he grows through them. Each relationship teaching him something about life, each relationship giving him something except what he wanted, but all of them ripping his emotions apart with equal mercilessness. The tagline of the book wonderfully captures the thought - 'Heartbreak after heartbreak, he still dreams of a perfect wedding...'.
The story is imaginatively rich with anecdotal details and displays good understanding of the subtleties of human behaviour on the author's part. For eg. this scene at the dinner table where young Akki has decided to boldly express to his father (and uncles) his intent of moving out of Jodhpur, to go to Pune to study Commerce and Germen, while the "women hovered around pretending to serve, but not wanting to miss out on even a bit of this exchange. It would make excellent gossip as they dried mangoes for their pickles on the terrace, the next afternoon."
The book also grips you with an interesting unexpected twist that makes it all the more worthwhile a read. Without revealing much more of the plot, let me just say that this book is a great fun read, where each chapter makes you crave for the next and you can't stop until you are done with it all! If you are the type looking for a light humorous gripping read, and don't care that time flies by while you are at it, then this is just the right thing to pick. Once you pick it up, you just can't put it down!
Book Site - http://knotsandnocrosses.com/
PS.
I am sure all of you will enjoy "Knots and No Crosses". You are welcome to share your reviews of the book. The same shall be published on the book website.
Debutant Indian Authors
Debutante Indian authors have been making quite some waves recently. The seeds may have been sown with Anurag Mathur's 'The Inscrutable Americans', but there was a hint of a lull thereafter. The current scenario, however, has changed. Right from Chetan Bhagat becoming the reflection of the young Indian voice, to Arvind Adiga picking the Booker on debut, a section of modern Indian fiction seems to be coming of age. This shift is also characterised by changes in language, flow and appeal of the content. The urban woman oriented themes, clubbed as 'chick lit', are becoming more rampant and gaining popularity. Books like 'Almost Single' by Advait Kala, that has sold around 2000 copies by now, or the lesser known 'Pink or Black' by Tishaa, both debut novels, reflect this trend.
To add to this, is the trend of blogging that is proving to be a wonderful platform for a number of aspiring authors to test and hone their craft before attempting anything mainstream. So we have the likes of Meenakshi Reddy Madhavan, trying her pen via the blog 'The Complusive Confessor' and then landing a contract with a major publication for her debut novel 'You Are Here'.
Knots and No Crosses - The Book
Hitesha Deshpande, making her debut with the book "Knots and No Crosses", falls in a similar league. Having had a strong following on her blog 'Wild Imagination' (just one of over 5-6 well read fiction blogs that she has created over last few years), she has now come up with her debut novel. The brevity of her narration and her tact of connecting multiple threads of a story, and literally forcing the reader to remain glued to the book is most notable. The way the author connects one chapter to the other and how the story moves back and forth in time in a smooth and exciting manner displays her instinctive craftsmanship at story telling. Amusingly titled as 'Knots and No Crosses', roller coasters could learn a thing or two from this one hell of a reading ride.
The story is about a young small town lad called Akkie and his multiple relationships in life, culminating into the holy grail of an intended perfect wedding. A wedding that nightmarishly turns out to be almost everything except, perfect. The book captures multiple emotions and thought processes of the characters in a hilarious and crisp manner. Right from the comical description of the parental pressure of marital expectations and the ways to avoid them, to the almost insane behavior of a bride getting cold feet right before the day of the wedding, the book pulls you into its plot page by page. Weaved in between the wedding drama, is the past of this small town boy with big dreams, his multiple relationships and how he grows through them. Each relationship teaching him something about life, each relationship giving him something except what he wanted, but all of them ripping his emotions apart with equal mercilessness. The tagline of the book wonderfully captures the thought - 'Heartbreak after heartbreak, he still dreams of a perfect wedding...'.The story is imaginatively rich with anecdotal details and displays good understanding of the subtleties of human behaviour on the author's part. For eg. this scene at the dinner table where young Akki has decided to boldly express to his father (and uncles) his intent of moving out of Jodhpur, to go to Pune to study Commerce and Germen, while the "women hovered around pretending to serve, but not wanting to miss out on even a bit of this exchange. It would make excellent gossip as they dried mangoes for their pickles on the terrace, the next afternoon."
The book also grips you with an interesting unexpected twist that makes it all the more worthwhile a read. Without revealing much more of the plot, let me just say that this book is a great fun read, where each chapter makes you crave for the next and you can't stop until you are done with it all! If you are the type looking for a light humorous gripping read, and don't care that time flies by while you are at it, then this is just the right thing to pick. Once you pick it up, you just can't put it down!
Book Site - http://knotsandnocrosses.com/
PS.
I am sure all of you will enjoy "Knots and No Crosses". You are welcome to share your reviews of the book. The same shall be published on the book website.
Friday, May 30, 2008
A Wierd Love Story & The Quirks Tag
I read something SO awesome today that I am filled with a mixed feeling of uncontrollable laughter, amusement, awe, disbelief, guilt and a feeling of being unfair to the unfortunate, all at the same time!!
Right click and open in a new tab/window the most unbelievable true love story that... uhm.. never happened!
And while that page downloads, read the following tag about six quirk, shared by beauty. This is being written because I feel some of you would be keen on knowing me a little better, just the way I am keen on knowing some of you a little better! :)
Quirk1. I love the charm of routines. And I love to observe myself very closely while following these self created rituals. A simple thing like sitting on the bike, opening the lock, setting the switches right, putting on the shades, setting the mp3 player of the cell phone with the right songs, putting on my helmet, wearing my gloves, adjusting my laptop bag, kicking the bike and following the route to office everyday at approximately the same speeds across various curves , intersections and main road, stopping for a cup of tea at the same stall next to office and then removing the 'accessories' one by one, in the exact same manner each day, before sitting in my chair, becomes a ritual.
Quirk2. I hate to find things not in the same way/manner/order as I left them unless of course they are more organised. My chair used to have my name printed on it so that no one would exchange it, move it or sit on it. During the initial days at the new office, the position of the dustbin under my table was getting shifted everyday. I didn't like it and personally instructed the peon not to shift it from where I placed it!
I am also extremely finicky about things like formatting and detailing while evaluating my juniors/other people's work.
Quirk3. I have been unknowingly weird and naughty in school. I have received a zero in "preliminary organic chemistry" and 25/25 in "solving secondary equations through geometrical projections" on the same day that I was slapped by the PT teacher for having eaten the lunch of the kids whose class I was assigned on the 'teachers day' a day before. I have been forced to leave the school in 9th std because I threw ink on my hindi teacher, who gave me the second highest marks in Hindi, while I was the only smart North Indian in a class full of Kannadigas.
Quirk4. I used to fall in love at the drop of a hat! I have had a new crush in each class starting first standard, and I still remember the face of the girl (Suma) that I fell in love with then. I would stare at her face and she would cry. The names thereafter are prati (2nd/3rd), Nisha (4th), Sajita (5th, 6th), Shalini (7th), Archana Chaudhary (8th, 9th), Bindu (9th - In 2nd school), Babita (10th), Dhanya Vishwanathan (11th), Kirithika Malar (12th), Namita (1st/2nd yr college), Rinku (3rd Year), and then "She", for next 4 odd years. I haven't fallen in love since my one and only serious relationship break up with "her".
Quirk5. I can't watch a movie if someone recommends it to me VERY VERY STRONGLY, and then expects me to like it as well, and is awaiting my "positive" response. For eg. I have been terribly put off by Godfather and Titanic for this reason. Have tried watching The Godfather thrice. Never reached beyond half an hour. (I have a collection of 489 movies by the way and none are original DVDs. I may not be proud of it, but I know that if they were not free, I wouldn't have paid for them either way. At least now I can spread a good word about the artists, and create more customers for him/her ;) )
Quirk6. I haven't technically gone to bed in a long long time. I always fall asleep without knowing when. Usually its midway through a movie or reading a book or online stuff, with the lights on, laptop music on, all of which is usually on or next to my bed.
Right click and open in a new tab/window the most unbelievable true love story that... uhm.. never happened!
And while that page downloads, read the following tag about six quirk, shared by beauty. This is being written because I feel some of you would be keen on knowing me a little better, just the way I am keen on knowing some of you a little better! :)
Quirk1. I love the charm of routines. And I love to observe myself very closely while following these self created rituals. A simple thing like sitting on the bike, opening the lock, setting the switches right, putting on the shades, setting the mp3 player of the cell phone with the right songs, putting on my helmet, wearing my gloves, adjusting my laptop bag, kicking the bike and following the route to office everyday at approximately the same speeds across various curves , intersections and main road, stopping for a cup of tea at the same stall next to office and then removing the 'accessories' one by one, in the exact same manner each day, before sitting in my chair, becomes a ritual.
Quirk2. I hate to find things not in the same way/manner/order as I left them unless of course they are more organised. My chair used to have my name printed on it so that no one would exchange it, move it or sit on it. During the initial days at the new office, the position of the dustbin under my table was getting shifted everyday. I didn't like it and personally instructed the peon not to shift it from where I placed it!
I am also extremely finicky about things like formatting and detailing while evaluating my juniors/other people's work.
Quirk3. I have been unknowingly weird and naughty in school. I have received a zero in "preliminary organic chemistry" and 25/25 in "solving secondary equations through geometrical projections" on the same day that I was slapped by the PT teacher for having eaten the lunch of the kids whose class I was assigned on the 'teachers day' a day before. I have been forced to leave the school in 9th std because I threw ink on my hindi teacher, who gave me the second highest marks in Hindi, while I was the only smart North Indian in a class full of Kannadigas.
Quirk4. I used to fall in love at the drop of a hat! I have had a new crush in each class starting first standard, and I still remember the face of the girl (Suma) that I fell in love with then. I would stare at her face and she would cry. The names thereafter are prati (2nd/3rd), Nisha (4th), Sajita (5th, 6th), Shalini (7th), Archana Chaudhary (8th, 9th), Bindu (9th - In 2nd school), Babita (10th), Dhanya Vishwanathan (11th), Kirithika Malar (12th), Namita (1st/2nd yr college), Rinku (3rd Year), and then "She", for next 4 odd years. I haven't fallen in love since my one and only serious relationship break up with "her".
Quirk5. I can't watch a movie if someone recommends it to me VERY VERY STRONGLY, and then expects me to like it as well, and is awaiting my "positive" response. For eg. I have been terribly put off by Godfather and Titanic for this reason. Have tried watching The Godfather thrice. Never reached beyond half an hour. (I have a collection of 489 movies by the way and none are original DVDs. I may not be proud of it, but I know that if they were not free, I wouldn't have paid for them either way. At least now I can spread a good word about the artists, and create more customers for him/her ;) )
Quirk6. I haven't technically gone to bed in a long long time. I always fall asleep without knowing when. Usually its midway through a movie or reading a book or online stuff, with the lights on, laptop music on, all of which is usually on or next to my bed.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Confessions about... err... dancing!
Its an embarrassing thing I have picked up, and I have to confess it. Have you heard that song from race.. "khwab deke jhoote moothe!?"... well... ahem! I have been craving to dance like mad on that song!!!
*hides his face in between the laptop screen and keyboard.*
aS:lijhs ;che;f;fbsfsd fn;eir ;;a k'sjf' f'sdfdnf df.dv m/sdv (thats what my ears, head and cheek could type)
I am not the dancing type. In fact I have managed to convince myself that I hate dancing, while I actually don't. I never acknowledge it outside, and you my friends, better keep your mouth shut!
I ride the bike and this number blares in my ears at full volume on repeat. I put it there. I have been listening to it continuously since over a day now. I ride slowly at 25-30kmph on my thunderbird and my shoulders move with the beat... my fingers tap, and my head sways back and forth in rhythmic jerks. If you notice, the song has some very very cool 'rhythmic jerks' where all music stops for a second, theres silence, and then it starts again!!... I move with that!... sometimes like a robot... I feel uncontrollably musical and if I stepped on a dance floor I feel I'd look nothing less than a drunk moron!
The line "I am craving for your body now" rocks so much that it makes my entire body emerge out of itself, my arms swinging and swirling in precise body hugging motions, hugging thin air instead, pulling in some empty atmosphere along, the feet moving in smooth uncomplicated motions on an imaginary dance floor, and the throttle hits a sudden HIGH. I come back to the normal 30kmph speed as the song regains its regular rhythm and settles into the cool beat...!
I take the extended road to home and circle twice on it so that I can listen and dance to the song again!...
I feel like picking a random girl and rushing to Elevate (the disc) and wait till this cheap fuckin song plays. I could use the time to get drunk. And when the song plays, I could BURRRRNNNN the dance floor with my oh so natural dance moves. They are real!, completely inspired by the music and nothing else! And I wonder that something this real and this natural must be looking good!!!... but I don't dare... I don't dance.
I have half heartedly stepped on the dance floor many times and midway through a song I get conscious of myself and I forget what to do. I look like I am seeking a partner but I already have one and I am usually totally out of sync with the partner!!
I have had some really terrible times on the dance floor and I have convinced myself that I hate dancing, while the fact is that I just MIGHT love it! :|...but i don't know what happens to me when i am out there.
We had our first fight because she wanted me to pull her to the dance floor while i was strolling around with a drink... i DO NOT GO THERE!!... THAT IS NOT MY FORTE!! ask me for simpler things like a debate on Quantum Physics or irrelevance of the M String Theory, or Sexism and Gender inequality in Aristotle's political lectures!! ask me to unearth the rarest of music and movies for you, or teach you how to grab multiple youtube videos and enhance your basic digicam movie on a free movie editor so you can brag about it to your friends, i'll solve all those complicated computer issues for which the only feasible way left for you is to bang the keyborad (already having exhausted the option of rectifying the problem by kissing the keyboard), i'll help you with a jazzy presentation, complete your thesis in 2 hours flat, write you beautiful letters, help you clean the room, teach you table tennis, hug you at night and wait for you for err.. ever!... but.. hell no lady, DO NOT ask me to dance!
I have moved a leg and shaken more than a hip, including those that were not mine. And I know I have the rhythm... I have been appreciated for my dancing skills although that came as a surprise to me!!... but I just can't dance with HER...ANY FUCKIN HER!... I want to... I really do. And I know that if I get another chance ...i WONT grab it. Taking a girl to the floor and dancing is worse than standing naked for a republic day parade and being captured live on DD1.
I wish I was a natural dancer.
*hides his face in between the laptop screen and keyboard.*
aS:lijhs ;che;f;fbsfsd fn;eir ;;a k'sjf' f'sdfdnf df.dv m/sdv (thats what my ears, head and cheek could type)
I am not the dancing type. In fact I have managed to convince myself that I hate dancing, while I actually don't. I never acknowledge it outside, and you my friends, better keep your mouth shut!
I ride the bike and this number blares in my ears at full volume on repeat. I put it there. I have been listening to it continuously since over a day now. I ride slowly at 25-30kmph on my thunderbird and my shoulders move with the beat... my fingers tap, and my head sways back and forth in rhythmic jerks. If you notice, the song has some very very cool 'rhythmic jerks' where all music stops for a second, theres silence, and then it starts again!!... I move with that!... sometimes like a robot... I feel uncontrollably musical and if I stepped on a dance floor I feel I'd look nothing less than a drunk moron!
The line "I am craving for your body now" rocks so much that it makes my entire body emerge out of itself, my arms swinging and swirling in precise body hugging motions, hugging thin air instead, pulling in some empty atmosphere along, the feet moving in smooth uncomplicated motions on an imaginary dance floor, and the throttle hits a sudden HIGH. I come back to the normal 30kmph speed as the song regains its regular rhythm and settles into the cool beat...!
I take the extended road to home and circle twice on it so that I can listen and dance to the song again!...
I feel like picking a random girl and rushing to Elevate (the disc) and wait till this cheap fuckin song plays. I could use the time to get drunk. And when the song plays, I could BURRRRNNNN the dance floor with my oh so natural dance moves. They are real!, completely inspired by the music and nothing else! And I wonder that something this real and this natural must be looking good!!!... but I don't dare... I don't dance.
I have half heartedly stepped on the dance floor many times and midway through a song I get conscious of myself and I forget what to do. I look like I am seeking a partner but I already have one and I am usually totally out of sync with the partner!!
I have had some really terrible times on the dance floor and I have convinced myself that I hate dancing, while the fact is that I just MIGHT love it! :|...but i don't know what happens to me when i am out there.
We had our first fight because she wanted me to pull her to the dance floor while i was strolling around with a drink... i DO NOT GO THERE!!... THAT IS NOT MY FORTE!! ask me for simpler things like a debate on Quantum Physics or irrelevance of the M String Theory, or Sexism and Gender inequality in Aristotle's political lectures!! ask me to unearth the rarest of music and movies for you, or teach you how to grab multiple youtube videos and enhance your basic digicam movie on a free movie editor so you can brag about it to your friends, i'll solve all those complicated computer issues for which the only feasible way left for you is to bang the keyborad (already having exhausted the option of rectifying the problem by kissing the keyboard), i'll help you with a jazzy presentation, complete your thesis in 2 hours flat, write you beautiful letters, help you clean the room, teach you table tennis, hug you at night and wait for you for err.. ever!... but.. hell no lady, DO NOT ask me to dance!
I have moved a leg and shaken more than a hip, including those that were not mine. And I know I have the rhythm... I have been appreciated for my dancing skills although that came as a surprise to me!!... but I just can't dance with HER...ANY FUCKIN HER!... I want to... I really do. And I know that if I get another chance ...i WONT grab it. Taking a girl to the floor and dancing is worse than standing naked for a republic day parade and being captured live on DD1.
I wish I was a natural dancer.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Ponting: Racism Is The Root Cause Of Road Accidents
This is the scoop of the century guys. A super exclusive interview with Ricky Ponting post the WACA fiasco. This story also reveals the truth behind the racism charges. He was heard muttering under his breath something on the lines of, "Yess.. this is my chance to show them I am innocent".
Crimson: After all the hullo ballo post Sydney, how does it feel to loose at perth?
Ponting: If you are trying to question my cricketing skills, you shouldn't be standing there!
Crimson (Surprised): Whew! I thought you were keen on giving this interview, but you seem a little stressed out... mate! Are you sure you want to continue?
Ponting: Of course! Don't mind that Maite! Its just a habit. I am not used to getting drubbed, so am using every opportunity to drub others. Basically that was my honest answer to the first question. I am feeling a little sad though. I thought I was doing the right thing and everybody opposed me.
By the way, if you are questioning my eagerness to share my thoughts, you shouldn't be standing there!
Crimson: What 'right thing' are you talking about? And just for your information, I am sitting.
Ponting: You know, the racist thing. I thought it would be a nice example to call Harbhajan a racist and help spread awareness about traffic rules.
Crimson (Baffled): Racism & Traffic rules? I am sorry if I am being daft here but, what exactly are you trying to say?
Ponting: Oh come on Maite! Speeding and racing are the root cause of accidents on roads. And when umpire Bucknor told me and Symonds to charge Bhajji as a racist we agreed. We have raced a lot against Bhajji around the hotels and we think he is a darn good racist. Might as well charge behind him and prove that we play "hard and fair". I really couldn't get the monkey connect there, but I guess Symonds liked the idea so we went ahead with it.
Crimson (Baffled, raised to power 100): Do you even know what racism means?
Ponting: I am not sure mate, but if you are questioning my vocabulary then you shouldn't be standing there!
Crimson: Ok Ok. We can move ahead. Guess the racism thing has been misunderstood completely. Are you planning to drop the charges against Harbhajan? Given that you charged him with over-speeding, should he be punished for racism?
Ponting: No Maite! Harbhajan said something bad about Symonds' mother as well. He has confessed it. We did not get it earlier. But now that we have got it, in the spirit of the game, we wont let it go.
Crimson: We thought he called Symonds a monkey. Where does the mother fit in?
Ponting: I don't know, I am confused myself. He said something like "Teri Maan Ki...". He didn't finish the sentence but we know his intentions were wrong. But I think we wont drop the charges because between over-speeding, monkey calling and mother taunts, Harbhajan must have done at least one thing wrong. So we think he gotta go.
Crimson: Well, lets move on to cricket now. What are your plans for the next test?
Ponting: Earlier Harbhajan was getting me out, and now its Sharma. I think we can charge Sharma as a racist and win the match. He sure is bowling fast too. So this time I know we wont get it wrong. Again, I am not sure if bowling fast and driving fast are related, but at times you just gotta go with the flow. And then may be we can remain the best team in the world, and I may become the best batsman in the world.
Crimson: Don't you think thats unfair? Sharma has just started his career. And by the way, do you know that Sachin might be conferred the Knighthood by Great Britain? Thats what happens to best batsmen. Look at Sir Don Bradman. You are not even close.
Ponting: If you are trying to question my fairness, you shouldn't be standing there!
Talking about Sharma, I told you, we play "hard and fair". And "unfair" is also a type of "fair". On knighthood, I usually like to be famous during the day, so I am not really worried.
Crimson (Slaps himself on the forehead with the center of his palm): One last question. Do you plan to go to school anytime soon?
Ponting: If you are trying to question my whatever, you shouldn't be standing there!! I am sorry, I didn't know what you were questioning and I was dying to say it again.
No, with all the cricket happening, school seems a little low on priority. Although, Symonds did mention he wanted to go to school cause he was not sure if monkey was a 'speeding racist car' or an 'Indian deity'. They have him all confused. Poor guy!
But thanks for the suggestion. We as a team learn from our mistakes and will work on them.
Crimson: Thanks a lot for giving us your time. All the best for Adelaide.
Ponting: Thanks Crimson. All the best to you for getting 'laid' too! *wink* Cheers Maite!
Crimson: After all the hullo ballo post Sydney, how does it feel to loose at perth?
Ponting: If you are trying to question my cricketing skills, you shouldn't be standing there!
Crimson (Surprised): Whew! I thought you were keen on giving this interview, but you seem a little stressed out... mate! Are you sure you want to continue?
Ponting: Of course! Don't mind that Maite! Its just a habit. I am not used to getting drubbed, so am using every opportunity to drub others. Basically that was my honest answer to the first question. I am feeling a little sad though. I thought I was doing the right thing and everybody opposed me.
By the way, if you are questioning my eagerness to share my thoughts, you shouldn't be standing there!
Crimson: What 'right thing' are you talking about? And just for your information, I am sitting.
Ponting: You know, the racist thing. I thought it would be a nice example to call Harbhajan a racist and help spread awareness about traffic rules.
Crimson (Baffled): Racism & Traffic rules? I am sorry if I am being daft here but, what exactly are you trying to say?
Ponting: Oh come on Maite! Speeding and racing are the root cause of accidents on roads. And when umpire Bucknor told me and Symonds to charge Bhajji as a racist we agreed. We have raced a lot against Bhajji around the hotels and we think he is a darn good racist. Might as well charge behind him and prove that we play "hard and fair". I really couldn't get the monkey connect there, but I guess Symonds liked the idea so we went ahead with it.
Crimson (Baffled, raised to power 100): Do you even know what racism means?
Ponting: I am not sure mate, but if you are questioning my vocabulary then you shouldn't be standing there!
Crimson: Ok Ok. We can move ahead. Guess the racism thing has been misunderstood completely. Are you planning to drop the charges against Harbhajan? Given that you charged him with over-speeding, should he be punished for racism?
Ponting: No Maite! Harbhajan said something bad about Symonds' mother as well. He has confessed it. We did not get it earlier. But now that we have got it, in the spirit of the game, we wont let it go.
Crimson: We thought he called Symonds a monkey. Where does the mother fit in?
Ponting: I don't know, I am confused myself. He said something like "Teri Maan Ki...". He didn't finish the sentence but we know his intentions were wrong. But I think we wont drop the charges because between over-speeding, monkey calling and mother taunts, Harbhajan must have done at least one thing wrong. So we think he gotta go.
Crimson: Well, lets move on to cricket now. What are your plans for the next test?
Ponting: Earlier Harbhajan was getting me out, and now its Sharma. I think we can charge Sharma as a racist and win the match. He sure is bowling fast too. So this time I know we wont get it wrong. Again, I am not sure if bowling fast and driving fast are related, but at times you just gotta go with the flow. And then may be we can remain the best team in the world, and I may become the best batsman in the world.
Crimson: Don't you think thats unfair? Sharma has just started his career. And by the way, do you know that Sachin might be conferred the Knighthood by Great Britain? Thats what happens to best batsmen. Look at Sir Don Bradman. You are not even close.
Ponting: If you are trying to question my fairness, you shouldn't be standing there!
Talking about Sharma, I told you, we play "hard and fair". And "unfair" is also a type of "fair". On knighthood, I usually like to be famous during the day, so I am not really worried.
Crimson (Slaps himself on the forehead with the center of his palm): One last question. Do you plan to go to school anytime soon?
Ponting: If you are trying to question my whatever, you shouldn't be standing there!! I am sorry, I didn't know what you were questioning and I was dying to say it again.
No, with all the cricket happening, school seems a little low on priority. Although, Symonds did mention he wanted to go to school cause he was not sure if monkey was a 'speeding racist car' or an 'Indian deity'. They have him all confused. Poor guy!
But thanks for the suggestion. We as a team learn from our mistakes and will work on them.
Crimson: Thanks a lot for giving us your time. All the best for Adelaide.
Ponting: Thanks Crimson. All the best to you for getting 'laid' too! *wink* Cheers Maite!
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
New ICC Rules
A certain Mr Sharath makes some very interesting suggestions here as a comment. I REQUEST and PLEAD to Mr Malcolm Speed to ensure that ICC adopts these. It will at least keep the air clear.
(1) Ricky Ponting (THE TRULY GENUINE CRICKETER OF THE ERA, WHOSE INTEGRITY SHOULD NOT BE DOUBTED) should be considered as the FOURTH UMPIRE. As per the new rules, FOURTH UMPIRE decision is final and will over ride any decisions taken by any other umpires. ON-FIELD umpires can seek the assistance of RICKY PONTING even if he is not on the field. This rule is to be made, so that every team should understand the importance of the FOURTH UMPIRE.
(2) While AUSTRALIAN TEAM is bowling, if the ball flies anywhere close to the AUSTRALIAN FIELDER (WITHIN 5 metre distance), the batsman is to be considered OUT irrespective of whether the catch was taken cleanly or grounded. Any clarification for decision should be seeked from the FOURTH UMPIRE. This is made to ensure that the cricket is played with in the RIGHT SPIRIT by all the teams.
(3) While batting, AUSTRALIAN players will wait for the ON-FIELD UMPIRE decisions only (even if the catch goes to the FIFTH SLIP) as the ball might not have touched the bat and swung to the fifth slip. Each AUSTRALIAN batsman has to be out at least FOUR TIMES before he can return to the pavilion. In case of THE CRICKETER WITH INTEGRITY, this can be higher.
(4) UMPIRES should consider a huge bonus if an AUSTRALIAN player scores a century. Any wrong decisions can be ignored as they will be paid huge bonus and will receive the backing of the AUSTRALIAN team and board.
(5) All AUSTRALIAN players are eligible to keep commenting about and harassing all players on the field and their families (specifically mothers) and the OPPONENT TEAM should never comment as they will be spoiling the spirit of the AUSTRALIAN team. Any comments made in any other language are to be considered as RACISM only.
(6) MATCH REFREE decisions will be taken purely on the AUSTRALIAN TEAM advice only.
PS.
Bhajji probably told Symonds, "Teri Maan Ki..." and Symonds heard Monkey. No Racism here. Every race has Mothers.
Australian cricket lovers are fabulous but the current Australian team us quiet pathetic.
And as i write this... news came in that Bhajji is in and Bucknor is OUT!
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Random Naughty Instance #43 - Prangsters' Passions
There used to be this chubby boy (nickname - Litoo) in my neighborhood. He was also in the same school as I was. When I was in 11th grade (16yrs), he was in 8th, and he had a huge crush on a girl in 9th grade.
A bully in the girls class also had a crush on her. Now the bully gets to know about Litoo's unspoken fantasies and is contemplating a duel. All this while, the girl is hardly even aware of her own existence.
Enter Crimson, and his gang of fun-loving prangsters (gangster+prankster) B, P & R. We decide to get Litoo upto the fight. Now Litoo is not only chubby, but huge and gone dumb since being love struck. We motivate Litoo no end to fight for his love. We make him challenge the bully in public (like, school public) for a duel on a certain date and time, while we (big boys) stand next to him so no one dare touch him.
The training period begins. We teach him tricks that we ourselves never knew. I hear the PT teacher mention "solar plexus", and bingo! Apart from the regular areas, we also train Litoo to aim for the solar plexus. Just ONE punch, right at the target and the bully will become a pile of bull crap.
The day arrives, a little bit of crowd has also gathered. Bully comes close. Bully laughs. Litoo is burning with fury. A raging dragon looks like a pussy cat in front of his expression. Litoo closes his eyes, and swings his clenched fist and goes for the kill.
THWACK! A few groans are heard. And a THUD! The bully is down.
Litoo is overjoyed to tears. We go hurray!!!
The little girl still had no clue what the hell was happening.
A bully in the girls class also had a crush on her. Now the bully gets to know about Litoo's unspoken fantasies and is contemplating a duel. All this while, the girl is hardly even aware of her own existence.
Enter Crimson, and his gang of fun-loving prangsters (gangster+prankster) B, P & R. We decide to get Litoo upto the fight. Now Litoo is not only chubby, but huge and gone dumb since being love struck. We motivate Litoo no end to fight for his love. We make him challenge the bully in public (like, school public) for a duel on a certain date and time, while we (big boys) stand next to him so no one dare touch him.
The training period begins. We teach him tricks that we ourselves never knew. I hear the PT teacher mention "solar plexus", and bingo! Apart from the regular areas, we also train Litoo to aim for the solar plexus. Just ONE punch, right at the target and the bully will become a pile of bull crap.
The day arrives, a little bit of crowd has also gathered. Bully comes close. Bully laughs. Litoo is burning with fury. A raging dragon looks like a pussy cat in front of his expression. Litoo closes his eyes, and swings his clenched fist and goes for the kill.
THWACK! A few groans are heard. And a THUD! The bully is down.
Litoo is overjoyed to tears. We go hurray!!!
The little girl still had no clue what the hell was happening.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Random Naughty Instance # 89 - A Matter Of Principals ...& Teachers
I dont know if I have ever mentioned this here, but I came across this gem of a site called Avanoo.com a few months ago. I have been a regular there, and most of my recent posts have originally been published on Avanoo first.
As a blogger, the best thing about Avanoo is the constant stimulation it gives. As a human being, Avanoo has a larger purpose of making the world better. And I am excited about it!
Apart from the amazing variety of interesting minds present at Avanoo, the stimulation is also there due to this concept of creating "projects". Anyone can create a project about something that they are passionate about, or want to discuss and others can contribute.
At Avanoo, everyone shares their worlds this way. So I created this project called "Naughtier Than Thou" , where everyine can share their stories of naughtiness, whether as a child or not! ;)
This was originally posted here.
***
In 9th class, I had a Hindi teacher called MP, who was infamous for her strictness and stingyness in marking her students.
In a school situated in Bangalore (where no one speaks Hindi as their mother tongue) I, hailing from the North (U.P.) with Hindi as my mother-tongue, felt an ego boost in her classes. However, she wasnt the loyal type. Her partiality towards a local girl, who was also the class topper, made MP give me lesser marks than her in the class tests.
I have never been the one to take injustice lying down. And extracting revenge required a mix of strategic planning, stealth, agility and emotional maturity.
I devised a flawless plan to throw ink on her clothes with a leaking ink pen. This was to be done from behind, while she would be entering the class and walking towards the blackboard. A few of my classmates were taken into confidence, and the plan was successfully executed. Not just once. But thrice. My joy knew no bounds and I was sort of an underground hero among my classmates. No one liked her you see.
4 isnt a lucky number for me I guess. Thats the attempt in which my plan failed. She was aware. 3 days of spoilt expensive sarees had taught her to be alert. And this time she turned back instantly. I was quick as lightening to come back to my innocuous position of reading a book. She was confused.
She asked all the 5 boys sitting close to that spot to stand up. She demanded the truth and silence is what she got. No one said a word. She spoke of dire consequences like "zero in a class test". The other boys were quiet, but their eyes were pleading. Not to her but to me. They wanted me to accept my mistake so they are not harmed.
I was in a dilemma. I thought to myself, if everyone remained quiet, nothing would happen. And thats when she pulled a rabbit from her hat. She said that she had a huge dog who could sniff lies and that she would make the dog bite the liar. How did she know I was scared of dogs? And imagine, I actually believed her! The truth involuntarily poured out of my mouth like a flowing river.
She took me to the prinicipals' office and I went back on my words! The principal promised that he wont beat me up if I told him what exactly happened. Lo and behold! I believed him too! A few honest sentences and I heard a loud thwack on my cheek before the pinching pain began to take effect. I was shattered.
Anyway, my Dad is great. He supported me. But told me that I should learn from this mistake and change myself for good!
I changed my school.
:)
PS. If you decide to share yours (whether on Avanoo or here), let me know!
As a blogger, the best thing about Avanoo is the constant stimulation it gives. As a human being, Avanoo has a larger purpose of making the world better. And I am excited about it!
Apart from the amazing variety of interesting minds present at Avanoo, the stimulation is also there due to this concept of creating "projects". Anyone can create a project about something that they are passionate about, or want to discuss and others can contribute.
At Avanoo, everyone shares their worlds this way. So I created this project called "Naughtier Than Thou" , where everyine can share their stories of naughtiness, whether as a child or not! ;)
This was originally posted here.
***
In 9th class, I had a Hindi teacher called MP, who was infamous for her strictness and stingyness in marking her students.
In a school situated in Bangalore (where no one speaks Hindi as their mother tongue) I, hailing from the North (U.P.) with Hindi as my mother-tongue, felt an ego boost in her classes. However, she wasnt the loyal type. Her partiality towards a local girl, who was also the class topper, made MP give me lesser marks than her in the class tests.
I have never been the one to take injustice lying down. And extracting revenge required a mix of strategic planning, stealth, agility and emotional maturity.
I devised a flawless plan to throw ink on her clothes with a leaking ink pen. This was to be done from behind, while she would be entering the class and walking towards the blackboard. A few of my classmates were taken into confidence, and the plan was successfully executed. Not just once. But thrice. My joy knew no bounds and I was sort of an underground hero among my classmates. No one liked her you see.
4 isnt a lucky number for me I guess. Thats the attempt in which my plan failed. She was aware. 3 days of spoilt expensive sarees had taught her to be alert. And this time she turned back instantly. I was quick as lightening to come back to my innocuous position of reading a book. She was confused.
She asked all the 5 boys sitting close to that spot to stand up. She demanded the truth and silence is what she got. No one said a word. She spoke of dire consequences like "zero in a class test". The other boys were quiet, but their eyes were pleading. Not to her but to me. They wanted me to accept my mistake so they are not harmed.
I was in a dilemma. I thought to myself, if everyone remained quiet, nothing would happen. And thats when she pulled a rabbit from her hat. She said that she had a huge dog who could sniff lies and that she would make the dog bite the liar. How did she know I was scared of dogs? And imagine, I actually believed her! The truth involuntarily poured out of my mouth like a flowing river.
She took me to the prinicipals' office and I went back on my words! The principal promised that he wont beat me up if I told him what exactly happened. Lo and behold! I believed him too! A few honest sentences and I heard a loud thwack on my cheek before the pinching pain began to take effect. I was shattered.
Anyway, my Dad is great. He supported me. But told me that I should learn from this mistake and change myself for good!
I changed my school.
:)
PS. If you decide to share yours (whether on Avanoo or here), let me know!
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Dont Miss Step 4!
A Short Guide To A Common Silly Mistake Men Make
If you meet someone by chance, someone you think is worthy of not remaining just a 'someone', make sure you do something about it. That 'something' can be on following lines -
1. Talk to her
2. Say something nice
3. Introduce yourself, know her name
5. Look into her eyes and smile
Yes. We missed a step. And that step, 4, is a very important step.
4. GET A WAY TO CONTACT HER! --- Which angel will take her phone/email/any contact detail on your behalf Sir? Being mesmerised by her musical smile and the twinkle in her eyes is all good! but kindly remain in your senses just enough to execute step 4!
You know her name, GRT!!! you can orkut it, facebook it, or google it.
But when its a name as common as 'THE', 'AND' or 'ANY' (Pooja, Anjali, Kamakshi, Priya... any other SRK movie name) then you do need the Sir name. And you need her profession (if any), a common friend, her license plate number, blood group, shoe size, length of her hair, middle note of her body aroma... anything! but more information!! more than just a NAME!
(Mr Shakespeare! will you please wipe that 'I told you so' grin off your face?! And thanks for rubbing it in!)
If you dont follow above mentioned steps, you will be agonised unnecessarily. You will think about her and dream in the 'what if' and 'i wish' formats. Its an irritant, easy to ignore if you are not "that into" her. Otherwise, it becomes tough to concentrate on better things like job, money, food, cricket and other women.
You see, its always good to make sure you let a girl know that you like her, the moment you realise that you really like her a lot. And then you must attempt all of the above steps. If she is not in agreement with you, then fine. Thank her for clearing it out and move on. Else, bingo, you have just confirmed the best mom your son could have had, or the most interesting person to go for a walk with late at night, or may be the best no strings attached partner you'd find!
And finally, if you do end up missing step 4, then the only way left for you is to write a blog post. If she reads it, great!
If she doesnt, then kindly move on in life, meet more women by chance, and then just make sure that you follow all the steps, and especially STEP 4.
If you meet someone by chance, someone you think is worthy of not remaining just a 'someone', make sure you do something about it. That 'something' can be on following lines -
1. Talk to her
2. Say something nice
3. Introduce yourself, know her name
5. Look into her eyes and smile
Yes. We missed a step. And that step, 4, is a very important step.
4. GET A WAY TO CONTACT HER! --- Which angel will take her phone/email/any contact detail on your behalf Sir? Being mesmerised by her musical smile and the twinkle in her eyes is all good! but kindly remain in your senses just enough to execute step 4!
You know her name, GRT!!! you can orkut it, facebook it, or google it.
But when its a name as common as 'THE', 'AND' or 'ANY' (Pooja, Anjali, Kamakshi, Priya... any other SRK movie name) then you do need the Sir name. And you need her profession (if any), a common friend, her license plate number, blood group, shoe size, length of her hair, middle note of her body aroma... anything! but more information!! more than just a NAME!
(Mr Shakespeare! will you please wipe that 'I told you so' grin off your face?! And thanks for rubbing it in!)
If you dont follow above mentioned steps, you will be agonised unnecessarily. You will think about her and dream in the 'what if' and 'i wish' formats. Its an irritant, easy to ignore if you are not "that into" her. Otherwise, it becomes tough to concentrate on better things like job, money, food, cricket and other women.
You see, its always good to make sure you let a girl know that you like her, the moment you realise that you really like her a lot. And then you must attempt all of the above steps. If she is not in agreement with you, then fine. Thank her for clearing it out and move on. Else, bingo, you have just confirmed the best mom your son could have had, or the most interesting person to go for a walk with late at night, or may be the best no strings attached partner you'd find!
And finally, if you do end up missing step 4, then the only way left for you is to write a blog post. If she reads it, great!
If she doesnt, then kindly move on in life, meet more women by chance, and then just make sure that you follow all the steps, and especially STEP 4.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Stranger Than Fiction
I saw this movie last night. Stranger than fiction.
Earlier, I read a football champion and a wrestler, narrate his experience of coping with the "Central Cord Syndrome", as a result of a wrestling match accident. He explained how the toughest problems in life seem quiet manageable, only if we put them "in a little bit of persepctive"
Expressing gratitude for simplest of things in life doesnt really come naturally to us. Nothing is too big and unsurmountable to die worrying about. And nothing is too small and insignificant to not be thankful for.
Many have spoken about it and felt it. And still, possibly, all of us tend to instinctively forget it.
I love this film for its simplicity, humor, extremely intelligent and engaging story telling and finally for the message. (There is an undertone of 'Douglas Adams' throughout the narrative approach of the film. It only adds to the whole impact.)
Sharing three quotes from the film -
1.
Dr. Jules Hilbert: Hell Harold, you could just eat nothing but pancakes if you wanted.
Harold Crick: What is wrong with you? Hey, I don't want to eat nothing but pancakes, I want to live! I mean, who in their right mind, in a choice between pancakes and living, chooses pancakes?
Dr. Jules Hilbert: Harold, if you pause to think, you'd realize that, that answer is inextricably contingent upon the type of life being led and, of course, the quality of the pancakes.
2.
Kay Eiffel: "If a man does know he is going to die, and dies anyway, dies willingly knowing he could stop it, then, isnt that the type of man you want to keep alive!"
3.
"As Harold took a bite of Bavarian sugar cookie, he finally felt as if everything was going to be ok. Sometimes, when we lose ourselves in fear and despair, in routine and constancy, in hopelessness and tragedy, we can thank God for Bavarian sugar cookies. And, fortunately, when there aren't any cookies, we can still find reassurance in a familiar hand on our skin, or a kind and loving gesture, or subtle encouragement, or a loving embrace, or an offer of comfort, not to mention hospital gurneys and nose plugs, an uneaten Danish, soft-spoken secrets, and Fender Stratocasters, and maybe the occasional piece of fiction. And we must remember that all these things, the nuances, the anomalies, the subtleties, which we assume only accessorize our days, are effective for a much larger and nobler cause. They are here to save our lives. I know the idea seems strange, but I also know that it just so happens to be true. And, so it was, a wristwatch saved Harold Crick."
Earlier, I read a football champion and a wrestler, narrate his experience of coping with the "Central Cord Syndrome", as a result of a wrestling match accident. He explained how the toughest problems in life seem quiet manageable, only if we put them "in a little bit of persepctive"
Expressing gratitude for simplest of things in life doesnt really come naturally to us. Nothing is too big and unsurmountable to die worrying about. And nothing is too small and insignificant to not be thankful for.
Many have spoken about it and felt it. And still, possibly, all of us tend to instinctively forget it.
I love this film for its simplicity, humor, extremely intelligent and engaging story telling and finally for the message. (There is an undertone of 'Douglas Adams' throughout the narrative approach of the film. It only adds to the whole impact.)
Sharing three quotes from the film -
1.
Dr. Jules Hilbert: Hell Harold, you could just eat nothing but pancakes if you wanted.
Harold Crick: What is wrong with you? Hey, I don't want to eat nothing but pancakes, I want to live! I mean, who in their right mind, in a choice between pancakes and living, chooses pancakes?
Dr. Jules Hilbert: Harold, if you pause to think, you'd realize that, that answer is inextricably contingent upon the type of life being led and, of course, the quality of the pancakes.
2.
Kay Eiffel: "If a man does know he is going to die, and dies anyway, dies willingly knowing he could stop it, then, isnt that the type of man you want to keep alive!"
3.
"As Harold took a bite of Bavarian sugar cookie, he finally felt as if everything was going to be ok. Sometimes, when we lose ourselves in fear and despair, in routine and constancy, in hopelessness and tragedy, we can thank God for Bavarian sugar cookies. And, fortunately, when there aren't any cookies, we can still find reassurance in a familiar hand on our skin, or a kind and loving gesture, or subtle encouragement, or a loving embrace, or an offer of comfort, not to mention hospital gurneys and nose plugs, an uneaten Danish, soft-spoken secrets, and Fender Stratocasters, and maybe the occasional piece of fiction. And we must remember that all these things, the nuances, the anomalies, the subtleties, which we assume only accessorize our days, are effective for a much larger and nobler cause. They are here to save our lives. I know the idea seems strange, but I also know that it just so happens to be true. And, so it was, a wristwatch saved Harold Crick."
Friday, October 05, 2007
Post Internet Neo-Liberal World Guide For Women
I have always been the type with a strong gender bias. I VOCIFEROUSLY support the notion that women are the better race than all other races including 'men' (obviously, as per the MUO ratings [Mythical Universe Organisation], Douglas Adams' favorite dolphins, and the 'intergalactic alien swarm bees' cannot be surpassed by anyone, and women do fail that test there. But thats about it).
I wonder why then, do these women keep attempting to compare themselves against a lowly race of men (who incidently fall even below 'Mongolian Chimps' as per the MUO) and degrade themselves in the process.
With the world changing fast (I couldnt get more cliched than that), I feel that women could do with a guide on "how to be a woman and how to deal with men, in the post internet neo-liberal world". Philogynist that I am, I have taken the pain to devise the guide myself, to make women "future ready". Here goes -
1. Men are still out there to eat you. Trust me they enjoy women more than you ever can. Now they hunt on the net, along with/instead of the roads.
2. There are bigger aims in life than getting a good man for urself. The same does not hold true for men (...their biggest aim still IS to get a good woman. Good woman is defined as any woman ready to accept them the way they are. Of course she should also have a good figure, decent amount of brain, an engrossing blog, love for everybody's parents, and no dogs. Pink accessories are just fine.)
3. Men are out there to eat you. Trust me they enjoy women more than you ever can. (Note: No, this is not a mistake. We do 'lay' 'stress' on important 'points'.)
4. Corollary 1, to 2 above; Your good man will find you. Dont say no to him when he does, just because of the MUO ratings. If you really thought that mongolian chimps are better than men, and feel like waiting for one of those chimps to be all yours, you are probably mistaken. (Note: Read again what M stands for in MUO)
5. Men are out there to eat you. Trust me they enjoy women more than you ever can.
6. Corporate ladders have been easier for you to climb so far. But now prepare for a tough future. Lets not deny it, the men can simply stand there and 'allow' you to climb the ladder, just to WATCH all of you climbing (from below). But this wont last long, soon there will be a LOT of your own types up there and then there wont be any guys left to ALLOW you to climb even higher. Then what? I suggest its high time you start honing your professional skills as per how other senior 'woman' would expect you to behave (this means that 'rolling your eyes' is not going to work any more!)
7. Men are out there to eat you. Trust me they enjoy women more than you ever can.
8. Corollary 2, to 2 above: Parents are still the sweetest people on earth. Even if they are HIS parents!.. Men still want women who can love his parents as much as her own!
9. Men are out there to eat you. Trust me they enjoy women more than you ever can.
10. Men now KNOW all of the 2 secrets that you mysterious women ever had
I wonder why then, do these women keep attempting to compare themselves against a lowly race of men (who incidently fall even below 'Mongolian Chimps' as per the MUO) and degrade themselves in the process.
With the world changing fast (I couldnt get more cliched than that), I feel that women could do with a guide on "how to be a woman and how to deal with men, in the post internet neo-liberal world". Philogynist that I am, I have taken the pain to devise the guide myself, to make women "future ready". Here goes -
1. Men are still out there to eat you. Trust me they enjoy women more than you ever can. Now they hunt on the net, along with/instead of the roads.
2. There are bigger aims in life than getting a good man for urself. The same does not hold true for men (...their biggest aim still IS to get a good woman. Good woman is defined as any woman ready to accept them the way they are. Of course she should also have a good figure, decent amount of brain, an engrossing blog, love for everybody's parents, and no dogs. Pink accessories are just fine.)
3. Men are out there to eat you. Trust me they enjoy women more than you ever can. (Note: No, this is not a mistake. We do 'lay' 'stress' on important 'points'.)
4. Corollary 1, to 2 above; Your good man will find you. Dont say no to him when he does, just because of the MUO ratings. If you really thought that mongolian chimps are better than men, and feel like waiting for one of those chimps to be all yours, you are probably mistaken. (Note: Read again what M stands for in MUO)
5. Men are out there to eat you. Trust me they enjoy women more than you ever can.
6. Corporate ladders have been easier for you to climb so far. But now prepare for a tough future. Lets not deny it, the men can simply stand there and 'allow' you to climb the ladder, just to WATCH all of you climbing (from below). But this wont last long, soon there will be a LOT of your own types up there and then there wont be any guys left to ALLOW you to climb even higher. Then what? I suggest its high time you start honing your professional skills as per how other senior 'woman' would expect you to behave (this means that 'rolling your eyes' is not going to work any more!)
7. Men are out there to eat you. Trust me they enjoy women more than you ever can.
8. Corollary 2, to 2 above: Parents are still the sweetest people on earth. Even if they are HIS parents!.. Men still want women who can love his parents as much as her own!
9. Men are out there to eat you. Trust me they enjoy women more than you ever can.
10. Men now KNOW all of the 2 secrets that you mysterious women ever had
- You want to be understood while you dont understand yourself, and
- You need to be pleasured (crudely put, men now know where exactly your 'point' is!)
Its been long enough and now they understand. So sit back, relax and let them give you the best time of your life (every possible way). Point here being that, you need to listen to him as much as he listens to you.
11. Men are out there to eat you. Trust me they enjoy women more than you ever can.
And finally, a simple viewpoint that may not humor you, may not be a huge change, but nevertheless, is worth reinforcing.
12. You have a lot more chances of being loved in this neo-liberal world than ever before (derived from point 2 and 10 above). By being loved, I mean being loved your way. The idea is that its still YOU who needs the love and he gives it! All you need to do is be happy, and he'll not ask for anything else.
PS. All men are not out there to eat you.
11. Men are out there to eat you. Trust me they enjoy women more than you ever can.
And finally, a simple viewpoint that may not humor you, may not be a huge change, but nevertheless, is worth reinforcing.
12. You have a lot more chances of being loved in this neo-liberal world than ever before (derived from point 2 and 10 above). By being loved, I mean being loved your way. The idea is that its still YOU who needs the love and he gives it! All you need to do is be happy, and he'll not ask for anything else.
PS. All men are not out there to eat you.
Friday, September 14, 2007
Memoirs Of an Eve Teased Adam
26th of January 2006 was the fateful day. I had been feeling heavy, and all tangled up in the head. So I decided to do away with it all. And emerged out of the amboli, andheri west, local hair salon, with a sunny bright shining scalp. This was the begining of my tryst with my yet to grow hair. I had decided to grow them really long this time, so I thought I might as well start from well... scratch.
While I caressed my smoothness gently, I had no idea of the revelations that were in store for me.
Life was different, life was easy. The feeling of waking up with a 'light head', and the reduction of one physical action, that of combing hair, added to the pleasures of my lazy existence. During the course, I was forced to acknowledge compliments ranging from "cool fauji cut yaar", to "nice spikes man" .. to "aur netaji, tel lagaun?"
The defining moment was when I could tie my first pony tail. And soon, I was an (arguably unlucky) owner of a graceful mane.
Now you may wonder why? Those who have long hair will relate to me (Yes! including girls). Ever since then, I have been getting the looks from various sources - like guys, dumb looking guys, disgusting looking guys, filthy looking guys, smart looking yet ill bred guys, fucked in the head guys, and various other such forms of guys. Lets call these forms FUGGED for easy reference (just for the heck of it).
A typical instance goes as follows, and usually occurs during twilight or night -
Me walking to the neighborhood bhola juice center => FUGGED see from behind, FUGGED focus on my mane => FUGGED think me girl => FUGGED turn back to look at me after crossing me => FUGGED's glance in first nano second, sexually dirty - FUGGED's glance in the rest of nanoseconds, disappointment and 'blaming me for it'.
It was disturbing when I sensed it for the first time. I felt invaded when guys stared at me with such looks.
All you guys, just try imagining another guy lusting for you and looking into ur eyes. Unless you are a different type, chances are that you'll be disgusted.
I felt even more angry when they (FUGGED ones) were disappointed to see a stubble, lack of breasts and other such inadequacies that make a man out of me.
I have now realised what women go through all day. You, as a guy, may not realise it, but your glance is an infringement on her privacy. Its a stare at her physicality and can never be healthy. Dont do it, respect her. You'll be better off for it.
As a shitizen, who is only striving to do ALL of those tiny bits that are within his limited capabilities, I urge all you guys to NOT stare at girls on the street in such lustful ways. Try to refrain from looking straight into their faces, letting them see how disgustingly desperate you are. I look at women too. I relish the beauty from a distance. I agree at times I can get perverted thoughts, but I ensure that I keep them behind an opaque wall.
And more often than not we all should have better thoughts to entertain in our precious minds than a never ending hardcore porn film.
Trust me guys --- there are better vices than letching. Let go.
.
While I caressed my smoothness gently, I had no idea of the revelations that were in store for me.
Life was different, life was easy. The feeling of waking up with a 'light head', and the reduction of one physical action, that of combing hair, added to the pleasures of my lazy existence. During the course, I was forced to acknowledge compliments ranging from "cool fauji cut yaar", to "nice spikes man" .. to "aur netaji, tel lagaun?"
The defining moment was when I could tie my first pony tail. And soon, I was an (arguably unlucky) owner of a graceful mane.
Now you may wonder why? Those who have long hair will relate to me (Yes! including girls). Ever since then, I have been getting the looks from various sources - like guys, dumb looking guys, disgusting looking guys, filthy looking guys, smart looking yet ill bred guys, fucked in the head guys, and various other such forms of guys. Lets call these forms FUGGED for easy reference (just for the heck of it).
A typical instance goes as follows, and usually occurs during twilight or night -
Me walking to the neighborhood bhola juice center => FUGGED see from behind, FUGGED focus on my mane => FUGGED think me girl => FUGGED turn back to look at me after crossing me => FUGGED's glance in first nano second, sexually dirty - FUGGED's glance in the rest of nanoseconds, disappointment and 'blaming me for it'.
It was disturbing when I sensed it for the first time. I felt invaded when guys stared at me with such looks.
All you guys, just try imagining another guy lusting for you and looking into ur eyes. Unless you are a different type, chances are that you'll be disgusted.
I felt even more angry when they (FUGGED ones) were disappointed to see a stubble, lack of breasts and other such inadequacies that make a man out of me.
I have now realised what women go through all day. You, as a guy, may not realise it, but your glance is an infringement on her privacy. Its a stare at her physicality and can never be healthy. Dont do it, respect her. You'll be better off for it.
As a shitizen, who is only striving to do ALL of those tiny bits that are within his limited capabilities, I urge all you guys to NOT stare at girls on the street in such lustful ways. Try to refrain from looking straight into their faces, letting them see how disgustingly desperate you are. I look at women too. I relish the beauty from a distance. I agree at times I can get perverted thoughts, but I ensure that I keep them behind an opaque wall.
And more often than not we all should have better thoughts to entertain in our precious minds than a never ending hardcore porn film.
Trust me guys --- there are better vices than letching. Let go.
.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
life, dogs and dancing schools
humor and money took a back seat... no.. at least they have not been kept out of the journey ...
at times i am amazed how easy it is for people to talk abt break ups and relationaship upheavels... as if it was just another tiny problem of a routine nature,,,,
o life.. its bigger....!!
and then there are instances when life magnifies itself to a minuscule spot... irony.. when someone who was so close to you and so much a part of your life in ways, for describing which no metaphors exist.. suddenly uses superfluous words to point at the vagueness of it all...
lifes a journey not a destination... ya... the bloody words mean it bloody well... and journeys always take you somewhere... u cant help not stagnating ... its always for something good.. something better... something more...
and just keep the humor element alive... why dont dogs make good dancers?.. besides the fact that there arent many dog dance teaching schools...
...they got two left feet!!!
no... there is NO message in there
cheers
me
at times i am amazed how easy it is for people to talk abt break ups and relationaship upheavels... as if it was just another tiny problem of a routine nature,,,,
o life.. its bigger....!!
and then there are instances when life magnifies itself to a minuscule spot... irony.. when someone who was so close to you and so much a part of your life in ways, for describing which no metaphors exist.. suddenly uses superfluous words to point at the vagueness of it all...
lifes a journey not a destination... ya... the bloody words mean it bloody well... and journeys always take you somewhere... u cant help not stagnating ... its always for something good.. something better... something more...
and just keep the humor element alive... why dont dogs make good dancers?.. besides the fact that there arent many dog dance teaching schools...
...they got two left feet!!!
no... there is NO message in there
cheers
me
Sunday, March 05, 2006
humor n money
heres raising a toast to the N'th philosophy created by the inquisitive being... there are two things that can get you thru anything in life...and i mean ANYTHING...
thats the title...
the catch is .. if u don have money.. u need a LLOOOTTTT of humor...
here i must add that humor is what ur own mind enjoys for no particular reason or logic ("no particualr reason or logic" is the operating phrase)... a deeper appreciation of the subject will also lead us to the fact that earning money thru humor is the ideal career for one and all... and thus the emergence of the breed of "great indian laughter champions" and the old stand up comedians...
..more in the next blog... think deeper
thats the title...
the catch is .. if u don have money.. u need a LLOOOTTTT of humor...
here i must add that humor is what ur own mind enjoys for no particular reason or logic ("no particualr reason or logic" is the operating phrase)... a deeper appreciation of the subject will also lead us to the fact that earning money thru humor is the ideal career for one and all... and thus the emergence of the breed of "great indian laughter champions" and the old stand up comedians...
..more in the next blog... think deeper
Friday, January 13, 2006
too much crimson
like a true human being i'd like start with a lie... i think i dont understand life...
where as.. i have huge misperceptions that in fact I DO... and one of the examples is this blog.. which shall claim to display, manifest and possibly crimsonify life for the benefit of myself, friends, strangers and argumentators or philosphisers alike....
i believe there are only two types of beings in this universe... human beings or philosophisers...
philosophers are different from philosophisers and for all practical purposes are human beings...
i'd like to make clear that contempt and sarcasm are not my tools and i shall steer away from them unless i am drunk and typing...
rt now i am drunk..
and typing..
.. although i am a very positive person... and am hopeful and confident that every life has to come to an end ... i feel that people will not realise this unless they concsiously try and LIVE every moment... otherwise we are all in fact dieing...
NOW... wish it was that easy... the fact is that your definition of 'LIVING' is bound to change 11 out of 10 times... and u'll be left groping for u dont even know what...
so on this positive note i start...
where as.. i have huge misperceptions that in fact I DO... and one of the examples is this blog.. which shall claim to display, manifest and possibly crimsonify life for the benefit of myself, friends, strangers and argumentators or philosphisers alike....
i believe there are only two types of beings in this universe... human beings or philosophisers...
philosophers are different from philosophisers and for all practical purposes are human beings...
i'd like to make clear that contempt and sarcasm are not my tools and i shall steer away from them unless i am drunk and typing...
rt now i am drunk..
and typing..
.. although i am a very positive person... and am hopeful and confident that every life has to come to an end ... i feel that people will not realise this unless they concsiously try and LIVE every moment... otherwise we are all in fact dieing...
NOW... wish it was that easy... the fact is that your definition of 'LIVING' is bound to change 11 out of 10 times... and u'll be left groping for u dont even know what...
so on this positive note i start...
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