Letters From The Moon Part 7

Hi Jimmy,

My fascination for the moon is at a sort of a crossroad. I have not been able to write to you simply because I have not been feeling too great lately. May be its the different planetary alignment that my body is still getting used to! :)
The work on the GM gardens has been stalled enough to put authorities in an embarrassing situation. They have been able to develop just one genetically modified flower in over 8 months. Even that flower looks more like a purple praying mantis than any orchid, as claimed!
Just one type of flower would hardly help us make gardens out here, would it! I always thought that the moon deserved much more. A garden on Moon can be a girl's most fascinating dream. I am quite mad now.
I am not liking the way I am being treated here. Although its mild, but being pointed out every once in a while that I am only half Moononian seems senseless to me. You know that Dad was an Earth guy. But how does that make a difference? Some of these so called Moon-Kids move around with such an aura as if they were demi gods and people from earth were some sort of despicable lower level humans! Mom fears that if this growing social attitude is not curbed soon, it will take an ugly shape. I don't understand why should such a feeling exist at all! I mean, Moon doesn't have a human history of even 50 years (42 to be precise) and people have already started discriminating against first generation Earth guys! Shameful.

The brighter side is that there have been major upgradations in Moon infrastructure. The much awaited 'Cyclotronic Intra-Planetary Orbit Tube Service' has finally been unveiled and people are quite excited about it. But when compared with the excitement for the 'Zero Modulation Gravity Zones', it doesn't come any close! I still believe that the best and by far the healthiest way to pass time on moon is, to bounce around in these natural gravity zones. I just love it!
The Orbit Tube Service, or Ottis as people have started calling it, will soon get extended to allow for travel between Earth and Moon. The technology is a little weird. Technically, each passenger is first deconstructed at the origin and then reconstructed at the destination. Obviously they don't get to know about it and feel that they have slept though the journey. I wonder if these tubes will have windows! :P. And then, what use traveling when you can't even read a book on the way?! Sigh!

I want to tell you that I still love you and want you to come to Moon for good. Lets not get the distance of Moon and Earth between our relationship! Don't give me that silly reason of yours, that its easier for a writer to fuel his imagination by looking at the moon from earth than by looking at the earth from the moon. You just won't believe how beautiful earth looks from the moon. It does not rise or set. It just stays there in the moon sky like a blue splashy marble waiting to be picked up and played with. Makes me want to stay on moon forever, just to look at it. Which is quite a probability because I am not sure I'll be able to go back to earth and adjust to all that pollution and heat! Moon seems far more peaceful. Earth does look beautiful, but only from a distance.

With the Ottis in place, I think you would at least want to consider a trip this side.
I hope to see you soon.

Love,
"Me"

STA - 1472C
Next to Grungian Crater
Moon

(Inspired by my own Letters From The Moon, Part 2, written sometime earlier. I know, I am quite narcissistic. Kindly note that 'Crimson Feet' (from the earlier letter) and this girl who loves Jimmy, are neighbors!)

Confessions about... err... dancing!

Its an embarrassing thing I have picked up, and I have to confess it. Have you heard that song from race.. "khwab deke jhoote moothe!?"... well... ahem! I have been craving to dance like mad on that song!!!
*hides his face in between the laptop screen and keyboard.*
aS:lijhs ;che;f;fbsfsd fn;eir ;;a k'sjf' f'sdfdnf df.dv m/sdv (thats what my ears, head and cheek could type)

I am not the dancing type. In fact I have managed to convince myself that I hate dancing, while I actually don't. I never acknowledge it outside, and you my friends, better keep your mouth shut!
I ride the bike and this number blares in my ears at full volume on repeat. I put it there. I have been listening to it continuously since over a day now. I ride slowly at 25-30kmph on my thunderbird and my shoulders move with the beat... my fingers tap, and my head sways back and forth in rhythmic jerks. If you notice, the song has some very very cool 'rhythmic jerks' where all music stops for a second, theres silence, and then it starts again!!... I move with that!... sometimes like a robot... I feel uncontrollably musical and if I stepped on a dance floor I feel I'd look nothing less than a drunk moron!
The line "I am craving for your body now" rocks so much that it makes my entire body emerge out of itself, my arms swinging and swirling in precise body hugging motions, hugging thin air instead, pulling in some empty atmosphere along, the feet moving in smooth uncomplicated motions on an imaginary dance floor, and the throttle hits a sudden HIGH. I come back to the normal 30kmph speed as the song regains its regular rhythm and settles into the cool beat...!
I take the extended road to home and circle twice on it so that I can listen and dance to the song again!...
I feel like picking a random girl and rushing to Elevate (the disc) and wait till this cheap fuckin song plays. I could use the time to get drunk. And when the song plays, I could BURRRRNNNN the dance floor with my oh so natural dance moves. They are real!, completely inspired by the music and nothing else! And I wonder that something this real and this natural must be looking good!!!... but I don't dare... I don't dance.

I have half heartedly stepped on the dance floor many times and midway through a song I get conscious of myself and I forget what to do. I look like I am seeking a partner but I already have one and I am usually totally out of sync with the partner!!
I have had some really terrible times on the dance floor and I have convinced myself that I hate dancing, while the fact is that I just MIGHT love it! :|...but i don't know what happens to me when i am out there.

We had our first fight because she wanted me to pull her to the dance floor while i was strolling around with a drink... i DO NOT GO THERE!!... THAT IS NOT MY FORTE!! ask me for simpler things like a debate on Quantum Physics or irrelevance of the M String Theory, or Sexism and Gender inequality in Aristotle's political lectures!! ask me to unearth the rarest of music and movies for you, or teach you how to grab multiple youtube videos and enhance your basic digicam movie on a free movie editor so you can brag about it to your friends, i'll solve all those complicated computer issues for which the only feasible way left for you is to bang the keyborad (already having exhausted the option of rectifying the problem by kissing the keyboard), i'll help you with a jazzy presentation, complete your thesis in 2 hours flat, write you beautiful letters, help you clean the room, teach you table tennis, hug you at night and wait for you for err.. ever!... but.. hell no lady, DO NOT ask me to dance!

I have moved a leg and shaken more than a hip, including those that were not mine. And I know I have the rhythm... I have been appreciated for my dancing skills although that came as a surprise to me!!... but I just can't dance with HER...ANY FUCKIN HER!... I want to... I really do. And I know that if I get another chance ...i WONT grab it. Taking a girl to the floor and dancing is worse than standing naked for a republic day parade and being captured live on DD1.

I wish I was a natural dancer.

uh oh!... the reality check weekend!

Snippets of conversation in 'Coffee and Cigarettes'. Jim is quiet full of something that I can enjoy. A nice start to the journey. She is looking over her shoulders for the third time now. She seems to be wondering, with quiet a dissatisfied look on her face, about seats and her luck while traveling alone.

More coffee and no cigarettes.

"Oh yes, the holy-land? I get down there and save on time? Why say no! of course."

Evening drags along like a faithful companion. The drag is a nice, pleasant, peaceful drag. The kind of drag that one can also feel while listening to almost silent sounds of music, through a perfectly snug-fit set of earphones, while gingerly walking across a really loud street.

And you are at the cross roads again.

"Check that one. It says its 'holy-land'ward bound."
"Sure. thanks" - "No. He says this ones coming back. Might be sitting here for the night now."
"I am Jimmy."
"I am Gerry."
This isn't the same 'she'.
"Cherry! nice name."
"Ya."
"Its late. Not many go towards the holy-land at this hour."
"A companion would be nice. Guide someone to me."
"I am going a little beyond the midway. Half a companion should be as good."
"Thats is great. I'd feel safer clinging on to the cotton of your arm."

Hop on.

"I have heard a lot about the Irish sense of humor."
"THAT is funny!"
"And what brings you so far?"
"I am a teacher. I love to travel. Its my third day in this unknown but beautiful land. And now you look very suspicious to me."
"I can understand your situation. I don't mind your distrust. It just feels good to have you next to me like a short little dream that one never remembers after waking up. I am sure the dream doesn't mind it."
"I don't know if I'd like to talk to you about dreams and such so early. But I am enjoying it all as if I were 10 years younger than what I am. I'd still want to reach my loved one soon."
"Of course! even I have some loved ones to go back to."
"We'd stay in touch."
"Sure."
"Oh! its Gerry. not Cherry! you can still call me Jimmy."
"I could have made it upto here on my own."
"Yes you could have, but you haven't reached the destination yet."
"So am I supposed to go alone now?"
"If thats a request for further company, I am glad to oblige."
"Roads are beautiful. And the lights. I am tired but I like it so much."
"Your bag is heavier than you."
"I am a farmer too."
"I might as well have left you on your own then. You could easily make 3 or 4 kiss the dust of the holy-land."
"I hope I find my loved one. I don't have anything except... a direction."
"Many don't even have that. Also, I thought I was here, with you."
"And have we reached now?"
"Almost. We have a hill to climb."
"I am sure we'll be very close then."
"Yes."
"We are now."
"I will leave. You can flutter around safely over here. Send a thought my way whenever the dawn breaks for you."
"I will. - Oh! my loved one is somewhere here."

Slipping away through a maze of trees, lights and road... loud silence! A dream floats among the trees, the lights... the road.

Back to "reality check!" huh.

"Here take some more. They want you to carry their weight."
"You must must carry MY weight."
"No one wants to carry my weight. They think its a burden."
"Oh I am so heavy I can't breathe. I feel choked under my own self."
"You have no weight of your own, so why is it too much to share some of mine?"
"I won't even talk to you about my burden."
"Lets just not TALK!"

"I can't wait to be. Just BE."

On my way back.

"Every night and every morn
Some to misery are born,
Every morn and every night
Some are born to sweet delight.

Some are born to sweet delight,
Some are born to endless night."

Dead Man... Wil --- Jim is quiet full of something that I can't understand yet.

Just The Moment

It wasn't until after she left that I realized she was actually gone. I had been looking at her for quiet a while as she was approaching the auto stand. She didn't seem to care that I was. And I didn't care even if she did.

"Mind sharing the ride and save the planet from some pollution?" is what I had wanted to say, looking straight into her eyes.

"Mind sharing the ride and save some moolah?" is what I ended up saying instead.

She thought for a moment. Men in Delhi don't have a good reputation. I guess I looked harmless enough for her to nod in affirmative. She made some space and I sat inside the auto.

"Vivek."

"Ayesha."

"?"

"Ayesha!"

Silence.

"Awkward silence? Or is it that I am not supposed to get to know you?" would not have been an optimum way to break this silence. I let it prevail.

She opened something to eat. Didn't offer. "Don't you think you should offer some?" I thought to myself but didn't utter.
I was oddly glad. Thats the kind of bad manners I am famous for.

"I am sorry for barging in like this. But you look deliciously pretty and I just wanted to be around you a little bit longer" I thought to myself again and didn't say a word. It would have been nice to tell her this, with that innocently charming nonchalant attitude of mine, and then turn the other way without giving her a chance to respond. But I just didn't feel like disturbing the silence.

Silence.

Probably because it was getting prettier, the silence. I was liking it. She, most probably was indifferent to it. Not giving it, or me, any thought.
I would love to wonder that she wanted me to break the silence. To say something that created a spark.
I think the twinkle in my eyes is usually enough. Narcissist. No words spoken.

I could see her through the mirror. The usual beautiful things that can happen to girls on chilly nights. Her hair felt free to gently brush across her face and the lights were doing little tricks to make her look prettier. She looked unaware of herself. Possibly the way I looked unaware of myself. I soon realized my hair too were feeling free to cover my eyes. The auto guy was fast. Enough wind was being rumbled up for me to feel cold and for her to look beautiful.

I wanted to tell her that I could have said nicer things to make her feel nice, but somehow I didn't feel like saying anything tonight, and that it didn't matter if she didn't speak much either. The silence was nicer and I would rather quietly see how the lights were doing little tricks to make her look prettier. I wanted to share things with her, and "that moment" seemed like the best thing to share.

I wanted to let her know that I was excited to see her, to be with her and it really didn't matter if all this didn't matter to her. And if she ever met me again, I would tell her that how beautiful I thought she was, and how wonderful it would be to know how beautiful she actually is.

But for now, it was just the moment, and it was many.

Letters From The Moon, Part 2

Hi Kathy,

Dont worry. There isnt much white here as might seem from down there. Its all either muddy, dark & cold, or muddy, bright & hot. And the STA's have room color simulation technology, so you could have the shed area in any color you wanted!

Nothing grows on the moon you see. It cant. So I cant teach you much. We tried growing stuff earlier, but there wasnt enough CO2 that the shed areas could release outside. We are still a small community. And keeping the plants inside the sheds wasnt an option because real estate is really touching moon sky.

Also, it doesnt look as beautiful here as it used to from earth. But its nicely exotic. I look forward to the guided tours outside sheds. And there is a small area, away from the craters and debris, where you are allowed to jump around as much as you want. Thats real fun. Gravity inside the shed is modulated. I wanted to lease a non modulated STA. Its cheaper. But Mom & Dad are old and they wouldnt really enjoy it.

I am sure they have told you that you really cant stay down there for long. Its getting warmer and warmer and soon you'll all drown in the melting polar ice caps. So, sure move around a bit, see everything, it wont even take long, cause nothing much is left to see anyway. And then you can plan a trip this side.

Look forward to seeing you.

Best

Crimson Feet,

STA - 1471C

Next to Grungian Crater

Moon

Dont Miss Step 4!

A Short Guide To A Common Silly Mistake Men Make

If you meet someone by chance, someone you think is worthy of not remaining just a 'someone', make sure you do something about it. That 'something' can be on following lines -

1. Talk to her
2. Say something nice
3. Introduce yourself, know her name
5. Look into her eyes and smile

Yes. We missed a step. And that step, 4, is a very important step.

4. GET A WAY TO CONTACT HER! --- Which angel will take her phone/email/any contact detail on your behalf Sir? Being mesmerised by her musical smile and the twinkle in her eyes is all good! but kindly remain in your senses just enough to execute step 4!

You know her name, GRT!!! you can orkut it, facebook it, or google it.
But when its a name as common as 'THE', 'AND' or 'ANY' (Pooja, Anjali, Kamakshi, Priya... any other SRK movie name) then you do need the Sir name. And you need her profession (if any), a common friend, her license plate number, blood group, shoe size, length of her hair, middle note of her body aroma... anything! but more information!! more than just a NAME!
(Mr Shakespeare! will you please wipe that 'I told you so' grin off your face?! And thanks for rubbing it in!)

If you dont follow above mentioned steps, you will be agonised unnecessarily. You will think about her and dream in the 'what if' and 'i wish' formats. Its an irritant, easy to ignore if you are not "that into" her. Otherwise, it becomes tough to concentrate on better things like job, money, food, cricket and other women.

You see, its always good to make sure you let a girl know that you like her, the moment you realise that you really like her a lot. And then you must attempt all of the above steps. If she is not in agreement with you, then fine. Thank her for clearing it out and move on. Else, bingo, you have just confirmed the best mom your son could have had, or the most interesting person to go for a walk with late at night, or may be the best no strings attached partner you'd find!

And finally, if you do end up missing step 4, then the only way left for you is to write a blog post. If she reads it, great!
If she doesnt, then kindly move on in life, meet more women by chance, and then just make sure that you follow all the steps, and especially STEP 4.

Not A Mug - A Story

Its a story.
A story of a guy & a girl who met each other at the university declamation contest. The topic was, "Poetry Makes Nothing Happen". She was speaking for the topic and he, obviously, against it.
This is a story where he was so sure that he spoke better than her, that while congratulating her on winning the prize he added, "I spoke better than you, but you won because you could roll those pretty eyes at the judges!"
A story where she was also sure that she spoke better than him. But she fell for him slightly. Only because he had started his speech with the words "Romeo is bleeding...".

She loved it when he smiled. She always wanted him to smile. So she gave him this mug. One of the many "reasons to smile", that she has given him.


He cherishes it all, and he loves to tell everyone this story.

The mug is now around 5 years old. He loves the mug. His days always start with this mug full of tea. He also once executed an unsuccessful sommersault to save the mug from hitting the ground. He felt proud that he saved it. The mug, is his smile.

Its a story from which the music is now gone, smiles feel suffocated and 'life' has entered. The sort of "life" that brings you to your knees. Humor remains though. Its oxygen. So he does try to tell himself, once in a while, that things will be fine. He cant get more humorous than this.

Its a coffee mug but he says he drinks his 'old monk' from it these days. He says he does that only when he misses her.
He drinks from it everyday.

Its a story where an ending possibly doesnt exist. It shouldnt exist.

Its a ...story.

Something Isnt Right

He saw "when harry met sally" for the 8th time... and he saw "before sunset" and loved it!!.. he is reading "love story" again... and he is looking at the stars and wondering if he could catch a falling one!

Something, he thinks, isnt right!
He had known it all along that it was supposed to happen, it was destined. Later if not sooner, it had to reach a particular confirmed state. The only doubt he had was regarding how things will unfold prior to reaching that 'state'.

but ... you know what.. something just isnt right...

...because suddenly he sees it all not breathing. That it actually wont happen, is not something his mind disagrees to. But his gut doesnt sense it! Or may be his gut just isnt sensitive enough.

Erich Segals' Love Story.... Come on now! he thinks that the conversations are smart and funny, and the silences beautiful. Read this (needless to say, this is the first conversatuion between Jennifer & Oliver) --

'What makes you so sure I went to prep school?'
'You look stupid and rich,' she said, removing her glasses.
'You're wrong,'' I protested. 'I'm actually smart and poor.'
'Oh, no, Preppie. I'm smart and poor.'
She was staring straight at me. Her eyes were brown. Okay, maybe I look rich, but I wouldn't let some 'Cliffie' - even one with pretty eyes - call me dumb.
'What the hell makes you so smart?' I asked.
'I wouldn't go for coffee with you,' she answered.
'Listen - I wouldn't ask you.'
'That,' she replied, 'is what makes you stupid.'

and this...

You're gonna flunk out, Oliver.'
We were sitting in my room on a Sunday afternoon, reading.
'Oliver, you're gonna flunk out if you just sit there watching me study.'
'I'm not watching you study. I'm studying.'
'Bullshit. You're looking at my legs.'
'Only once in a while. Every chapter.'
'That book has extremely short chapters.'
'Listen, you narcissistic bitch, you're not that great-looking! '
'I know. But can I help it if you think so?'
I threw down my book and crossed the room to where she was sitting.
'Jenny, for Christ's sake, how can I read John Stuart Mill when every single second I'm dying to make love to you?'

he loves these... and more!!

he wonders as to how does one get to know when its over? Does the fact that one is still considering the possibility that it isnt over, convey something?

Something surely isnt right! ... and then he watches this film, more of a coversation, called Before Sunset...

She ---- "...reality and love are almost contradictory to me.
...but i know its my fault because I never felt it was the right man. But what does it mean, "the right man"? the love of your life, the concept is absurd, the idea that we can only be complete with another person is EVIL! right?
He ---- "I dont wanna be one of those people, getting divorced at 52, falling down into tears and admitting that they never really loved their spouse, and as if their life has been sucked out into a vaccum cleaner.
you know, I want a great life. I want her to have a great life, she deserves that. but we are just living in pretence of a marriage, of a responsibility, you know, all these ideas that people have about how people are supposed to live...
My wife is sitting near and looking at me and i feel i am million miles from her, and i know theres something wrong and that i cant keep living like this. theres gotta be something more to love than commitment.

He --- So, you are just relieved that I am in more deep shit than you are?
She --- yes :)

... so you see.. overload of such thoughts, he is now sure, is what isnt right!

Thoughts On Reality - Triggered by NDE's, Synaesthesia, Bipolarity, Quantum Uncertainity, LSD trips, Brain mechanisms etc.

How can we be so sure of interpretations of information our brain feeds us with? How do we really 'know' that what we just experienced IS the truth?
What makes us so confident that "pleasent and unpleasent" are a function of the object and not us!?
If I were to change the chemical composition of your brain, you will experience things without them "happening" in the physical sense... For eg. your thoughts, memories, will create realities that might have been a thing of the past, giving you an impression that u just visited the past!

How does the 'outside' person know that he is right and YOU are wrong!? Two people experiencing the same stimulus in radically different ways, create two independent realities for themselves!.. does this mean that "reality" itself is an illusion? its an 'interpretation' for sure!

...are certain people more prone to experiencing 'astral projections' than others? Is it due to the biological/chemical constitution of their body or the "level of evolution of their soul"... what is this soul anyway?! ...during NDEs, the 'other' people that are encountered, are probably in the 'soul' form (pardon me if my thoughts seem too presumptuous)... so even the soul seems to be stuck in a human form, which itself is such a negligible constituent of the enoromous space and universe that exists.... something like this ---

....and either way, if all of us have to perish one by one... and after a point of time, the entire earth will perish and the solar system, does it really matter that i am expressing these thoughts?!?! and that blogging exists? ...that you exist? do we have an answere? (apart from.. ohhh!! u r not supposed to think like that!!)

I am not unhappy or agitated at the thought... I am left wondering, quiet neutrally if I may add. Its like I can amuse myself with the world, knowing that its all quiet meaningless anyway :)

We are so different! We are the same!

"You just dont change." She was exasperated.

"I am sorry if I hurt you but I didnt mean to. And why do you want me to change?" He asked silently looking into her eyes.

"Because you are not the right person the way you are. I wish you were a little different." She was trying to make herself clear. Hopefully.

"Why do you want ME to be the right person, given I am the way I am? You should either not like me at all, or love me for what I am. But I just dont understand why would you ever want to change me, and then love me. Do you really know what you are asking for?"

She knew he was not understanding her again. She felt she should explain further.
"Its because I do love you, but I want you a certain way. You see, you hurt me a lot of times. You should not do that." She was almost motherly in the way she said this.

He stood confused. He knew he had to make her feel 'right' about him, but he didnt know how. He felt 'right' about her. He honestly felt that things were right the way they were. Why couldnt she see that smiles and hurt both are a part of life? Whats more important is that, she will always find him around whenever she needs him.
"But I also make you smile and laugh. I make you feel nice dont I? And 'hurt' is a part of life. Even I get hurt by you, but I never ask you to change. We cant expect things to be hunky dory all the time. There will be issues, its how we hold on and get over the tough times that will make us grow closer." He felt satisfied with his argument and looked at her lovingly.

She was giving up. She had that sinking feeling again, which only happens when she looses something precious. Didnt he see that THIS was one of those 'tough times', and that he was doing nothing to help both of them get through this? How could he argue while she was contemplating parting ways.?
"Theres no point talking to you. You will never accept your mistake and you are always right!"

"Where did THAT come from! I did say I am sorry didnt I? And I meant it. And, why dont you just forgive me for everything? I'd do that irrespective of any amount of hurt you may cause me. I'd always forgive you, for its YOU." There was a tinge of rage in his voice. He was almost shouting and he didnt realise she had shrunk.

"I will forgive you and I'll forget too. But I wouldnt feel anything for you after that. I am scared that you'll hurt me again. I am sorry, but I am like this." She really was scared and a tear rolled down from her eyes.

He stood silent.
He realised he had made another mistake, he had hurt her again.

And he was the "same person"!

Vague

...And this is when I realise I need you beyond what words can express. I wish you needed me as much.
I dont know how it sounds. The peace shaken within. Thoughts, unsettled enough to spill out, almost unintentionally.

***

A person can never be convinced about something she does not want to be convinced about. And that happens in only two cases :
1. Either she has some other agenda, that is solved through not getting convinced by the stated arguments, or
2. She simply is closed enough, to never see the merit of the arguments presented.

***

I have always had a strange liking towards altruism. I want the entire world to be altruistic, because I think it will get me easy support/help/money. And while this may lead to me being blamed of selfishness, I think thats an altruistic trait, because I sacrifice my reputation to benefit the world.

***

Within all these complexities, where does a simple love story have a chance to survive? A person with such vague thoughts can only be ridiculed. Not loved. And, knowing that he is loved, he does not know what next.

May be a complex love story does have a chance to survive here. Or, if the love story survives, may be the complexities will go away. As someone with a tall hat once said "love is a self organsing principle".

So, give it a shot!

Cerebration: about cats, auras and life's quests...

any debate on quantum physics always excites me way more than my immediate preceding debate on quantum physics!!.. and so on...

..my drifting thoughts and settled emotions found a new company in the form of my recent quantum cogitation... "what is the schrodinger's cat experiment exactly trying to say?" she asked.. and the smile on my face was neither a sufficient answere nor by any means apt (especially as this duologue was being effected through wireless mobile technology)... and then followed a series of conjectures and interpretations about uncertainity, probability and the status of the observer as a "part of the system" or "independent of the system"... this led to further discussions on the basic nature of matter and energy...


"why all these curiosities?" i asked, pleasently surprised by the sheer unexpectedness of it all... "am reading this book you had suggested, 'In search of schrodinger's cat'... And I also got the other one 'schrödinger's kittens and the search for reality'... u know i see auras right.. i feel quantum physics can explain auras..", the sparkle in her voice was almost luminous...
"are aura's more like energy waves or are they corpuscular?" she asked... i explained to her the duality of light and the possible duality of every other energy form...and she wondered, like a little child, that what if thought is also an energy form and, possibly an aura is the external manifestation of the person's thoughts...

cud be!!... and thats the beauty of quantum physics... possibilities and probabilities are infinite... but reality is still not defined...


we cud attempt to decipher the basic nature of thoughts (whether energy wave or particle wave) through some far fetched extrapolations... the way two energy waves interact with each other is very different from the way two particle waves do... the phenomena is called interference... interference is not supposed to happen with particle waves (do note that light exhibits particle wave nature, as well as interference pattern)... now, if two thought waves were energy forms, then we wud observe constructive and destructive interference... this wud inherently imply that two thoughts can either kill each other and lead to nothing or can have synergy and create something totally new...
on the other hand.. if thoughts were particles, they may just hit each other and bounce back having made no difference to themselves or the environment... so do u have ur answere?!!?.. possibly not... :)... and yes! the uncertainty of the situation intensifies the quantum reality of the answere...

the conversation went on... a little bit of string theory, details of the heisenberg uncertainty principle, and a few pinches of einstein were thrown in for good measure...

and then it ended... it was forced to end... wireless networks were weak...

the silken threads proved to be as strong as bonds of steel... life seems to be edging forward pretty fast... and quests are the fuel...

may thoughts find their destinations without having to journey though words... may life's quests never end!


Cerebration!


Celebration!!

on a personal note - let me propose

i want to fall in love... i have felt it before but have almost forgotten the feeling... i want to fall again... after a long time... i feel superkicked by merely imagining the possibility... i'd like to write for someone... a letter to my lover... say, we have known each other long enuf and cant help but decide to spend together this one single life that we have... still we wud know that this moment of decision is glorified by the bubbles of "being in love with someone", which is much more ephemeral than "loving someone"... we know that we also connect with each other at a level beyond these thoughts... so i'd like to write a letter to her... while she is trying to call me to tell me what she feels, i am totally oblivious of it all, and am penning down my feelings for her... we both feel the same... it will read something like this...

awake since 3 am… its 6 now… 4 missed calls from you didn’t wake me up…. cleaned up the room and took a shower…. had some fruits, and now… writing after a long time with so much of peace around… you know that 2 to 6 is possibly the only time when this stupid city isn’t moving, shouting or choking itself… u know it better!
with VH1 in the background and lights off, its just the right time and mood to make me susceptible to weakness and life… so, inadvertently I have been thinking of you since I woke up… and I realize there isn’t too much I wanna say to you these days… except.. lets get real and get married… I mean, to each other :)… I now feel that we wont need to "make it work" or smthng like that… I see us together… u’ll live ur life ur way, n so will I, my way... and we both will still have each other around whenever we want… free of any restrictions.. our marriage will be more like two friends sharing their space, thoughts, emotions, life and learning…

.. we will pursue all our interests and share our excitements... we live a new life everyday... and while we r living, if someday u feel that u shud have our baby... we will…. then we will be a little more than just frnds... and start a whole new world from scratch... by then we will be the same soul living in two bodies...
our instincts will guide us thru it all... at least urs will do a better job… we wont need to think.. it will just happen… most of it..

I don’t see u as a different person, leading a separate life… even if u r far away from me… distant from me in any way… I will always feel ur existence and u will feel mine… there is something more than the complexities of human and social unrealities that binds us…

I don’t have too many words these days to share with you… u know this is a short one compared to what we have been writing for each other… there is neither an expectation from the future, nor any sense of planning that I am used to indulging in…

there is just a soft touch of ur presence in my life..
somewhere…

and I am content!

closer to nothing ....contd

survival has never been a priority for me... but that 60 min of battle against fading away, did make me realise the importance of good health... is that it?!?! ... no more to take from a near death experience.. no earth shattering insight?.. no ultimate sense of peace and tranquility??!

i'll lower it a bit more... there is not even an urge to feel grateful to the person/persons who were with me during the ordeal... who sort of "saved" me... i love them all.. more today than before... and i am glad about it... i am "excited" about whatever happened.. i smile more often now... cause all the negative emotions have suddenly lost their significance... but gratitude seems irrelevant.. almost demeaning... i was not scared to die..so i am not grateful for being alive... but i am glad i found friends due to this ordeal.. knowing genuine nice people is the biggest earning a man can have...

i must say that i am not an ingrate... also, under normal circumstances i have been grateful to people who have gone out of the way to help me... and even i am used to going out of my way to help others... but that day was different... that day had a significance simply by having started as just another day and ending similarly... in between life balanced itself precariously... by the end of the day.. i was a happier person...


after i was brought back from to the room, i slept... woke up at 6 and felt like having tea... CME has a lovely tea/snack/juice kinda multiutility area... i walked to the place and then towards a lake... sunsets at the CME manmade lake are lovely... very very lovely.. slowly the realisation of the earlier happenings of the day came to me... it started sinking in ... i met the doctor again.. i told her that saying thanx may not be enough because.. i possibly don even realise the gravity of what had happened, but she could always count on me under any circumstances.. for life... and then i walked away... staring into the setting sun next to the lake..


i called "her".. she did not pick up...
i didnt call again


i didnt call mom dad.. no one...


i felt peaceful, happy and incomplete... but happy!
:)

full circle incomplete

... dont know who is a friend... who is WITH me in my journey.. or will i keep looking for someone to "be with me" while i keep travelling alone ...

life ..they say..comes back a full circle... and this suddenly robs me of all the possible excitement... i guess the circle never completes itself... and when it does... well... may be u dont feel its an end... but its an infinite begining....

whtever... finding peace in transcendental thoughts while real life is sucking the soul out of ur listless body... no motivation to be greedy for happiness.... and i guess that keeps me going... NO GREED FOR HAPPINESS.... ain't that a good feeling..!! :)

when laughter becomes just a twitching of a certain number of facial muscles and not the existence of a sparkling soulful eye.... one tends to get lonely....

...no cure for this...

concerned!

...heres an old thought revisited...

there are very few things more crappy than superficial concern....

..although the concerned may never realise, but more often than not, the "concernee" (yes sweethearts.. i have coined that word just now and it implies the person for whom the "concerned" is concerned) ... so... the concernee, almost always looks through it...

i rest my case!

cheers and trumpets...

me

a lost note

i wake up...rubbing my eyes,...looking around ..searching for something again....
yet another day. yet another illusion to be broken...
pessimist is not something i am...
hope is something i hold on to...but when where will i ever find that peace...
i get lost with words these days....
same familiar drifting of thoughts....
hope these thoughts touch u some day


.....

touched... forever .

life, dogs and dancing schools

humor and money took a back seat... no.. at least they have not been kept out of the journey ...


at times i am amazed how easy it is for people to talk abt break ups and relationaship upheavels... as if it was just another tiny problem of a routine nature,,,,

o life.. its bigger....!!

and then there are instances when life magnifies itself to a minuscule spot... irony.. when someone who was so close to you and so much a part of your life in ways, for describing which no metaphors exist.. suddenly uses superfluous words to point at the vagueness of it all...

lifes a journey not a destination... ya... the bloody words mean it bloody well... and journeys always take you somewhere... u cant help not stagnating ... its always for something good.. something better... something more...

and just keep the humor element alive... why dont dogs make good dancers?.. besides the fact that there arent many dog dance teaching schools...

...they got two left feet!!!


no... there is NO message in there

cheers
me

please...........

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... part time blues

Where do i go nobody knows,
I’ve gotta’ say I’m on my way down,

God give me style and give me grace,


God put a smile upon my face ..



u know whats required to sustain a relationship?!? ... just willingness

and now answere urself