After a long time... i say

A man's weakness probably lies in his conscious struggle to evolve, or in his inability to enjoy the rigour of evolution! However, when it comes to happiness, we can comfortably ignore evolution.

i have no clue what happened to Ramprasad Rasiya... and given that I am not Jimmy, possibly i cudn't have had much clue ever. but i sense that he walked away. he had legs u see... and one who has legs is supposed to do things that people with legs do... things like.. walking away. he had legs... he did what he was supposed to do... he walked away. OK! point made. what next?

while ramprasad rasiya did what he was supposed to do... even jimmy did what he thought he was supposed to do... one of them, out of a multitude of things, was to ...well.. ahem...think... yes.. thats what he thought he was supposed to do... so he did that

...in all this "doing what one is supposed to do" it suddenly struck me that there need not be just ONE "supposed to do thing" in a man's life... for eg . apart from having legs, ram prasad rasiya also had a mouth and tongue. so while he was justified in being "supposed to walk" he was also "supposed to talk"... and hence he should have ideally talked away while he walked away.
But Ramprasad Rasiya never did that... he walked away silently.

Jimmy on the other hand, doesn't know, or will never know all and every possible thing that he is supposed to do.
(i for one just don't want to repeat that phrase again)

Amidst all this riff raff, which may not matter to many, what must really matter is this...

...the intensity and passion with which one focuses on a faceless but positive future, while a tangible and rather questionably exciting present stands in their face, is the only thing that decides what exactly it is that one is... supposed to do!

The Change & The Difference

There was never a dull moment with him around. A lot of people were in awe of him, many more envied him, and almost all of them dreamed of being him.
“I love women!” he said with a glint in his eyes. It sounded like ‘I love McDonalds!’ or ‘I love Gaajar Ka Halwa!’ something to be consumed at leisure, and at times in friends’ company. Only he could have put something as profoundly deep as it was witty, in such an understated manner. Everyone around appreciated the humor.
“I love the fact that they are, and I love the fact that they do.” More of the applause ensued!
“I am endlessly besotted by the idea that a woman comes with so many avenues of pleasure. Unlike the earlier times, we have been able to filter out the not so pleasing woman experiences, and retain just the pleasantly, and intensely satisfying ones. We shall continue to strive to further the cause of male pleasure seeking behavior with increased gusto, and a day will come, when all that will be left in the world, would be pleasure and peace.” Loud cheers and thunderous roars followed this profound statement.
He was the star of the future. A staunch Masculinist, and the leader of The World Hedonistic Forum.
The world seemed to have changed.

~~~~~*~~~~~

She hadn’t touched a soul ever, but she had claimed lives. She intensely despised even a small possibility of injustice. She was one woman with purpose and was obviously on a mission. The mission of making this world a better place for her fellow women-beings. A less obvious mission that she also seemed to be on was to be on a mission itself, always.
“We must keep moving, keep progressing and keep caring, for each other. We must ensure more venues that aid constructive flow of creative energies!”
Life had changed for the regular man. Literally. Women didn’t have to live in hide-outs, scurrying away from the ever prowling and blood thirsty ‘Femme Guard Forces’. The rapid evolution of the womanhood into this self sufficient entity (politically, administratively and physically) with huge creative freedom, and progressively degenerating motherly instincts, had made the man redundant. And now that they didn’t need them, they wanted to eradicate them. This was borne more out of a need to optimize resources rather than any feeling of hatred. Although, hate groups still existed and were treated more like a break from the routine.
“We must make sure that we only do as much is needed to be done. And that we don’t overburden the world with that which is not needed anymore.”
She was the icon. Epitome of the power of femininity, the leader of The New Perfect World Order.
The world seemed to have changed.

Oh My God! - About Infinity, Probability & A Hidden Paradox

What follows is a set of spontaneous thoughts that were allowed to flow out as words. No layer of editing or structure has been applied. Whatever little structure exists is intrinsic. The way it got created. It may not make immediate sense all the time.

7 Points In My Mind

1. Infinity is being fed into the mind regularly. All the senses, sensing all the time. Information, knowledge, debates and arguments. Blankness too.
2. Mind can't comprehend everything thats fed into it.
3. Mind makes sense by organizing this complex data/information feed, on the basis of likely assumptions made through past experiences.
4. Mind tends to believe the sense it makes, and thus believes itself.
5. Mind also tends to question itself.
6. Belief and questioning help the mind to sharpen its assumptions.
&
7. Mind is "amazed" at all that which goes 'against' its assumptions.

***Amazement, Awe, Wonder, Distress, Bewilderment***

Amazement is an expression of a mistake that does not hurt.
Distress is an expression of a mistake that hurts.

Mistake is what went against the mind's assumption.
Hurt is a driving force that makes the mind change its assumptions.

Belief*Questioning*Mistakes*Amazement*Hurt

Poetic Conclusion:
"The idea of not binding the mind with an assumption and keeping it open to imbibe change without getting hurt is GOD."

Non Poetic Version:
"God = Incomprehensible Data"

How?

7 More Points

1. The Mind assumes an event as less likely or more likely to happen, basis the assumptions made from the limited amount of data that it has been able to comprehend and structure sensibly.
2. When a 'mistake' happens, the mind either reacts in amazement or with distress.
3. Both the situations seem beyond its control.
4. Mind needs a support system to get back to its process of "perception/reception ---> comprehension ---> belief/questioning ---> Assumption". Reboot.
5. God is that Support system. A notion that lets mind forgive itself for the mistakes it made.
6. God thus is nothing but some 'incomprehensible data' that helps the mind to go back to the state of believing & questioning. Because Infinity/Incomprehensible data is where it all started.
&
7. Probability is one such incomprehensible set of notions.

God elicits awe and wonder. Its a Universal Set of all that we believe to be beyond our control. Probability is beyond our control by definition.

Event A: Very likely to happen. Happens everyday. We are amazed when it doesn't happen. (Eg. A politician refusing to take bribe)
Event B: Very likely to happen. But we know there are times when it may not happen. (Eg. Continuous success. Sachin hitting a century in every game, or Steven Spielberg making a blockbuster everytime.)
Event C: Less likely to happen, but we know it happens. At times we cant even believe when it happens. (Eg. You winning any game of luck. Poker, Tambola, Scratch card or state lottery. Earthquake on Tv vs Earthquake in our city.)
Event D: Unlikely to happen. Most of us think that they know it cant happen (Eg. Extra terrestrial life, Someone waking up after dying)

All the sources of our awe, amazement, wonder, distress and hurt come from some such improbable event that went against our mind's assumptions.

The vastness of probabilities can never be comprehended by the mind. And if an event, that has lesser probability of occurrence, actually occurs, the mind is amazed and needs to define such an occurrence. We end up calling this 'mistake' as God.

Thus God, by definition, needs to be incomprehensible. It implies miracles, which are nothing but realization of a rare probability. Thus one brings the notion of faith into picture. Belief in God (The Incomprehensible) implies having faith, and faith has no reason.

Just because something is rare does not mean its occurrence is inexplicable. And just because something is inexplicable does not mean it is guiding or controlling us. This is an extremely stone age thought.

Those rare events, that are interpreted as God's signals, become noticeable by the virtue of their unlikeliness of occurrence. A guiding force is a notion, that a certain set of probabilities will dominate over all other possible outcomes, because of the presence of an external factor. There is no way to find out if that external factor ACTUALLY affected the outcome or not, because one cant go back in time and repeat the event sans the external factor.

Thus, the intrinsic value of the Stone Age God (That Incomprehensible Power Guiding My Life) is null. That God is only as valuable as the value that WE associate with/allocate to it, in order to support rebooting of our system when the mind's assumptions are proven wrong.

'Less Likely' is NOT equal to 'Unlikely/Will Never Happen'.
When Event A is more likely than B, its the occurrence of B that will amaze you.

Probability does not rule out the occurrence of B and thus, leaves that door of hope open, which makes you want to ensure that B happens instead of A. And when it happens, out of sheer probability, you tend to correlate the steps you took and the strategies you applied, and suggest that if the entire 'process' is repeated, you can make B occur over A, again and again! Thats how Knowledge is generated. And we tend to spread this knowledge without realizing the complete nature of the context.

If you didn't do anything, neither A nor B might occur (A third Probability C may). So doing, which is in your control, takes precedence over occurring, which is beyond your control. So you must keep doing what you think you are supposed to do.

And this cycle goes on and on. And its a fight you cant ever win inspite of having won, because you cant ever be sure of it. But thats OK.

This is where, I think, the poetic idea of God begins to make sense.

"The idea of not binding the mind with an assumption and keeping it open to imbibing change without getting hurt is GOD."

On WIll Power & Reality, Part 2

Its cold, and I am thinking about my theory of will power. Is it possible to change the weather using my will? If all the people in the world willed it together, at the same moment, would it happen? The answere seems no, but thats probably because I am bound by my education, conditioning and current set of perceptions.
Or, may be there are certain things, like mathematics, music and weather, that are an inherent part of the reality of the universe. Whether we exist or not, music remains. Whether conch shells exist or not the fibonacci series remains, and whether clouds form or not, fractals remain.

So our will power possibly cant affect what is beyond us. It can only affect the illusions that we create for ourselves. The illusions called success, failure, ambitions, progress, development, thoughts, philosophy, happiness, grief, love etc. I will refer to them as illusory-reality because I am not comfortable calling them real, but they affect us none the less.

"The human will, in isolation, is absolute and omnipotent. It is limited only by the limits of imagination, which is the origin of all creation. The mind imagines, and the will brings it alive. Every possibility first exists in the mind, and then comes to the real-illusory world."

Quantum reality, they say, is a 'probable' reality. Sub atomic particles are actually not particles, but probablity clouds of 'possible presence' in a given space-time fabric. The moment they are observed, one of the many probabilities is realised, and an illusion of the presence of a particle at that point in space-time is formed.
Our will, I think, is capable of affecting these minute probabilities, thus creating the most fundamemtal level of the illusory-reality that aggregates into what we called day to day life.
Thoughts, which can be considered as electromagnetic patterns travelling through our brain-cells, are the raw material of will. Your will is thus that invisible connection between you and your illusory-reality.

You really can do anything if you will it strong enough. And if you were the only human being in the world, you would actually be God! (in terms of being omnipotent). There would be nothing else that could drive the universe, except you.
But you are not alone. You are surrounded by numerous potential Gods, and each of them has a will working their own way. So if you want something to happen, and your neighboring God does not, its the strength of your will against his that will decide the outcome (assuming you both were the only existing entities). Conversion of your 'will' into 'reality' is only affected and aided/curtailed, by someone else's will to create its own reality. If both wills arent contradictory, they will 'really' coexist. Else they can hinder each other, and even annihilate each others' effects.

The effect of someone else's will, on your reality, is also decided by the extent of awareness that each of you have about the other. So if you are surrounded by people who think and wish good for you, and you are aware of them, good things will happen to you. Similarly, if there is someone millions of miles away, who wishes good for you and you are aware of it, it will help. The same effect will be negated by the presence of people wishing bad for you. And of course, what you wish for yourself and how strongly you do it, is the biggest factor that creates your illusory-reality.

Thus, more people we have thinking in a harmonious manner, constructive intereference of human will happens. Whatever gets ceated, or the reality around us that we live in, is thus a complex dynamic outcome of these infinite interactions and interferences (constructive & destructive) of the innumerous human 'wills' working 24/7.

Lets pause here for a moment and think. Assuming all this theorising were true, why dont people think "good" for everyone in general? Wont it be the most obvious thing to do? How do clashes, violence, unnatural deaths and destruction happen so often? What was that enlightened man thinking when he said love peace and harmony for all?

Why dont all the Gods realise themselves and understand each other?
Probably because we all exist at different levels of understanding. And that enlightened man reached a level, from where he could understand all.

~~~End Of Part 2~~~

On Will Power & Reality (Part 1)

I am a very strong believer in the human will power. So strong that I at times overexpect from "will", and in the process am let down by it.

Remember the quote by Arthur C Clarke? "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic."
Now I put this here for three reasons. Firstly, the idea of magic must have existed since a really really long time, simply because we have a word in ALL languages to express it. Secondly, magic always enthralls us and reflects those things that we REALLY might want to do! And finally, whats magical at one point of time, almost always becomes "real" at a later point in time.
Magic is a strange concoction of belief, disbelief, awe, wonder, desires and quests.

Lets look at the way technology has evolved.

• Flying in thin air (for a human being) was considered magical at a point of time.
• So was the idea of touching the moon.
• Controlling any kind of physical activity from a distance, without contact, was magic. Now we have remote controlled mechanisms for almost everything & we also have thinking things (called computers) who can interact within themselves without any physical contact (bluetooth etc)
• Hearing a persons' voice coming out of a small handheld thing, which at times is connected to nothing in the world, and then speaking back to the person in the same "thing"? Wouldnt it sound magical if you were to explain it to your 17th century girl friend?

Doesnt it look like that these things have happened because entire generations of human beings have "willed" them to happen? Of course, there have been well meaning skeptics too, who might have tried to stop these people, using perfectly rational sounding arguments like "this has never happened before!" But they have only managed to add meaning and aura to the word magic.

• Becoming invisible, travelling to future, and making other planets habitable sounds magical to you today??

Now lets look at the way societies have evolved.
From the time of hunting in the wilds for food, man has been seeking better tools to hunt (basically "more comfort"). And we have had the metal ages, to Industrial Revolution, to Information Technology era.

Over the years, everyone has been seeking "development", and thats what has been happening. We have a certain unspoken definition of development, which implies 'more money, more comfort and more entertainment for more people'. And thats what we keep striving for all our lives, and keep getting too.

If you notice closely, you will see a pattern. "We want it, and over a period of time we get it."
I will put it a little differently. "Unknowingly, we create our reality ourselves, as we live it along."

~~~end of part 1~~~

(originally on Avanoo: http://www.avanoo.com/pl/post/3562 )

Are We All Basically Trying To Mate Efficiently?

If you have not already guessed the book I am refering to, 'The Mating Mind' by Geofferey Miller is sort of a revelation, at least theoretically.

An excerpt
"Traditionally, evolutionary theory has explained intelligence as merely a by-product of surplus brain size. But psychologist Geoffrey Miller argues that it actively evolved, like the peacock's tail, for courtship and mating, and thereby shaped human nature.Miller maintains that both human sexes have evolved significant ways of displaying fitness via expression of creative intelligence such as storeytelling, poetry, art, music, sports, dance, humor, kindness, and leadership."

Intelligence is the root "cause" all questioning, imagination, speculation and creation. Its the reason why we can think and talk about conciousnessness, soul and God. Its the basis of self-realisation.

What if all this was simply an evolutionary strategy to attract better mates and thus multiply further into better life forms? (As senseless or sensible as a dogs' evolved ability to sniff, which even by the farthest stretch of imagination, doesnt seem to be affecting the workings of the universe in any way.)
Procreation, is probably the only universally acceptable reason for existence. Simply because death itself is such a stark reality. (I am rather extreme in wondering that "what end purpose does existence itself serve?". Thats deserves a different post.)

All creative activities that human beings indulge in seem quiet unnecessary for survival. Poetry, music, writing, painting.. all art forms, are not naturally adding to making the survival easier. (On the contrary it makes it tougher sometimes, for eg. when you ponder upon the reason of your existence real hard and feel frustrated at not having an answere.)

So are all the creative and intellectual faculties basically directed towards becoming a more suitable potential mate? If it is false, then fine. If its true, then doesnt it undermine the importance of all thought processes that are essentially creative? Doesnt the world seem fabricated? Can survival and procreation actually be the core principles driving the entire machinery of the cosmos?

PS. A rather weak argument that I could think against his theory is as follows. Its interesting to note that the brain (not necessarily mind) is a constituent of ALL organisms. A peacock's feathers (or featehrs in general), on the other hand, are not present across all animals. That gives brain a different status, and therefore weakens Geoffrey's hypothesis.
Also, I would like to know of more animals with an evolutionary drift specifically towards sexual selection. What is a dog's tool? (not that!). Or how do pigeons figure who is a better mate? Isnt everything in the body (and in the human case, mind) leading towards the decision of a better mate, so why the emphasis on intelligence?

Marriage - Its Need, Futility & Origin

One of the freakier thoughts that has occurred to me in the past is the possibility that, the only reason for one's existence is procreation and furthering of the species.
That's what all living things do, beyond doubt. They screw!
Every act of life seems to be aimed at this as the final goal. Even aesthetics, mind you. Correlations are deep and intricate, but it should suffice to mention here, that a high aesthetic sense implies a higher level of evolution and therefore a better mate.

Isn't it profoundly depressing to realise that we are all here only because someone screwed someone! I mean, at a fundamental level, do you really believe that, while doing it, that someone and someone were thinking about how a good human being will develop out of their activity?!

Procreation & Marriage
Among human beings, this social function called 'marriage' seems like a vague attempt to cover the fact that at the end of the whole jazz, basically the 2 people concerned are gonna screw away to glory. What other significant difference occurs in their individual lives apart from THIS? (which otherwise cant be achieved in a really good long term friendship with a person of the opposite sex)

So, is marriage some sort of a moral cover up?

I could have said here that I appreciate other animals, for they at least don't cover up. And accept boldly that they need to propagate their species. But they hardly have a choice. And moreover, they don't read this blog.

Human beings, with all their intelligence and years of evolution, are the only species that seem to have an in built control mechanism against 'free and fair sex'. The only biologically and environmentally sound reason for this control that I can think of is, overpopulation. The irony is, that human beings are also the highest in number! what control are we talking here?
I am thus, unable to comprehend, the reasons for the existence of "marriage" as a custom. What does it do? Commitments can happen without it. In fact they do happen without it. Marriages do break. I have known extremely successful live-in relationships, and equally successful marriages. Then where is the differentiator? Where is the need of mandatory marriage (in order to propagate your species)?

Marriage as Celebration
One sane justification of marriage that I tend to agree with is, marriage being a symbol of celebration of commitment, and beginning of companionship! Great.. but why does it then extend into a legal contract? And multiple social obligations? Here is a short hypothetical account of the origin of marriage, with celebration is the premise.

I feel that marriage originated as just an occasion for celebration. Like how you throw a party when you win the 20-20 world cup. It was basically a party, and a symbol of the fact that something worth celebrating has happened in the lives of two people. Soon the trend caught up and these parties became very frequent.
Someday, some smartass who wasn't getting a companion, was too lazy to woo one, and was too eager to wait for the right one, realised that he just had to showcase the symptom (party), and the cause (companionship) will be assumed. So he got another dumbass who wasn't getting a companion and started celebrating. That, I think, was the first day when marriage came into existence!

So, I don't think marriage should be a compulsion. Either social, or moral!
I don't think its necessary for a successful relationship, nor does it guarantee success in any way.

Afterthought
I do realise that these thoughts are too radical. I'd like to tag them as "ahead-of-their-times". But futility if marriage is a question that has failed to lend itself to a convincing answer, at least in my life, so far.

Thank You Effect

There are very few expressions that have as much of a positive, infectious energy as a sincerely written "Thank you note". Do you remember the last one you received? Chances are it was very long ago, and you still have it preserved somewhere. A 'thank you' is an acknowledgement of something that was well intended, a symbol of a smile somewhere, a mark of a world worth living in, if only for that one single moment.

Have you looked into the eyes of a thankful person? They pour out affection, for everything. Would you not feel the world to be a better place, only if you could see it in the eyes of every stranger, that he was thankful for something somewhere?

Why do you think those "thank you" notes after an Oscar/Miss XYZ etc are so long? Not even a single person, who needs to be thanked, should be missed. The feeling of being thankful, I have come to realise, is blissfully fulfilling for everyone.

How often have we been thankful for all that we have? And expressed it too? When was the last time YOU wrote your heartfelt "thank you note"? Why is it rare? Why does it need a reason and occasion?

And why, more often than not, we choose to "blame for what went wrong" rather than 'thank for what went right'? Are we inherently a thankless bunch of souls, who don't give a damn to what's happening right in our lives? Are we always looking for catching collars rather than patting backs? I cringe at the thought, and I want it to be shoved aside as a symptom of a malfunctioning neuron in my brain, that needs repair.


I thank my family, for making me all that I am and for giving me everything that I ever wanted.
I thank my friends, for the learning, unlearning and relearning I have had with them, through them.
I thank those media professionals, who genuinely entered the media world to make a difference, and are still not driven by TRP's.
I thank that English teacher, who made me read The Hitchhikers' Guide To The Galaxy, as my first book.
I thank that old man, who was shouting slogans at a traffic signals, urging everyone to follow the traffic rules.
I thank that stranger, who had my laptop returned to my address when I had...(well lets leave it at that :) )
I thank all those individuals, who are trying to make a positive difference to the world around them, in their own small way.

I thank all the good people, simply for being good!

Thank You ALL!

.. in that direction there... dust it plz!!

...and i suddenly realised i am keeping my blog too clean.. i mean no bold statements, no controvertial innunendos, no sexual provocations or LSD rantings... good nice practical or philosophical thoughts.. sometimes lacking depth, but NICE nonetheless!!

i guess its gonna continue that way... u see certain things are to be DONE.. not written about ;)

have pondered over quiet a few things lately...

1. what goes on in a woman's mind when she realises the first physical signs of aging on her face
2. whats up with these social networking sites!! how many? how long? and how?
3. is Pulp Fiction better cinema than Godfather? (Sholay surpasses both and is above the league. case dismissed)
4. the legal process for starting a company in India ( ;) )

5. but what has really mattered is that i have realised how directionless / multidirectioned can a peacefully comfortable life be! .. or vice versa!!

yes! everybody is f****d up sometime... for sometime, and life does seem directionless, but does life really need a direction at all?!?... from all that i have understood, it 'probably' needs some support (from the 3 Fs --- Family, Friends & Fools... interestingly, they are also the ones who lend u money to start ur first business venture) ... but thats about it.. rest is what u experience.. so keep up with the experiencing!..

hey!... as long as you can keep a "smiling mind" and spread the same, who cares what the ultimate question to the ultimate answere, 42, is?

sleepy now!

nite

closer to nothing ....contd

survival has never been a priority for me... but that 60 min of battle against fading away, did make me realise the importance of good health... is that it?!?! ... no more to take from a near death experience.. no earth shattering insight?.. no ultimate sense of peace and tranquility??!

i'll lower it a bit more... there is not even an urge to feel grateful to the person/persons who were with me during the ordeal... who sort of "saved" me... i love them all.. more today than before... and i am glad about it... i am "excited" about whatever happened.. i smile more often now... cause all the negative emotions have suddenly lost their significance... but gratitude seems irrelevant.. almost demeaning... i was not scared to die..so i am not grateful for being alive... but i am glad i found friends due to this ordeal.. knowing genuine nice people is the biggest earning a man can have...

i must say that i am not an ingrate... also, under normal circumstances i have been grateful to people who have gone out of the way to help me... and even i am used to going out of my way to help others... but that day was different... that day had a significance simply by having started as just another day and ending similarly... in between life balanced itself precariously... by the end of the day.. i was a happier person...


after i was brought back from to the room, i slept... woke up at 6 and felt like having tea... CME has a lovely tea/snack/juice kinda multiutility area... i walked to the place and then towards a lake... sunsets at the CME manmade lake are lovely... very very lovely.. slowly the realisation of the earlier happenings of the day came to me... it started sinking in ... i met the doctor again.. i told her that saying thanx may not be enough because.. i possibly don even realise the gravity of what had happened, but she could always count on me under any circumstances.. for life... and then i walked away... staring into the setting sun next to the lake..


i called "her".. she did not pick up...
i didnt call again


i didnt call mom dad.. no one...


i felt peaceful, happy and incomplete... but happy!
:)

G157, EODE, CME, PUNE - Closer to nothing

Anaphylaxis… an acute systemic severe allergic reaction.. the most severe type of anaphylaxis—Anaphylactic Shock—will usually lead to death in a matter of minutes if left untreated…

... is it possible to laugh within an hour of having cried because ur body had just refused to hold on while ur will battled with every breath to win the war against a strange helplessness to breath freely?.. Isnt it only fair to realise that life is so important that one must not spend time getting concerned about smaller things like death, future, taxes, sadness and may be ‘life’ itself..?.. and .. is it possible to not feel any sense of deep gratitude, superficial or otherwise, towards a person who saved your life? ?

I felt the proximity to the infinite void recently… I was close to the most scary “nothing” an average human soul can experience… if faith and reincarnation are not on ur side, then death is an absolute end….

it all started with a harmless request of a group of friends who had just prepared some fresh water fish… I had never tried rohu before (and never will…, ahem!)… within a minute my eyes were red.. and within 5 min I cud not breathe… i had the better side of probability in my favor.. I was within 10 min of an MI room (Medical Inspection Room, in armed forces), there was a doctor in our group, and I was surrounded by really nice people….

…by the time i was taken to the MI room.. every breath of mine seemed to demand more effort than I wud put into running a marathon… energy was running out of my body at a rapid pace and I felt helpless…

… fear of something severe had just stuck.. my helplessness was more about not knowing whats happening to me rather than the physical symptoms… a single tear and several marathons later, my will started giving way… I cud hear sounds of phone conversations… adrenaline injection being explained to the chemist and the urgency of the situation being conveyed with harsh words… my lungs were going numb and heartbeat seemed to be goin slow… i was slowly fading away without realising it…

...A needle felt itself on my forearm.. it hurt slightly… and many moments later...I don’t know how many… i felt my heart alive, breathing, while my body had betrayed my will… I cud feel the stillness of death in my limbs while my heart, like an old dependable house care employee, began to carry on with its chore of pumping blood into the frame called body… I realised I was back… back from don know where.. but back for sure...

“Thanx !”... I cud manage a smile while uttering the strangest thanx of my life, to the doctor friend who had “treated me” … she was concerned… almost sure that I cud have crossed over to the other side…

I had just been treated for anaphylactic shock…

Next post… Reflections on this experience.. especially on the lack of a sense of gratitude

from rhetoric to traffic jams... ADAPTABILITY

theres a strange kind of challenge in being able to drift your mind from the most critical... to the ignorable & small... and here i refer to the level of importance of the subject or thot n nothing else.. the challenge of thinking macro, n rethinking if the same would have a relevant interpretation at a micro level!!... and just to make life a little worse.. realising the irrelevance of the most critical macro thots at the micro level...

if life is bigger.. bigger than you (as rem wud put it;) ) then why do we remain engrossed in the complications of the irrelevant nitty gritty's of life.... "Small issues are irritants and hamper efficient working of the human mind"...

why do i call it a strange challenge?.. imagine the so called absent minded philosopher scientist Albert Einstein.. blissfully unaware of small issues like 'what if he keeps his car keys somewhere and forgets!!'... BIG DEAL... it shall be worked out somehow or the other.. but if he forgets a particular chain of thoughts while trying to work out a real life experiment to prove a particular concept that takes the general theory of relativity a step ahead so that time machines could be actually made... well.. thats a blooper!!...

so the challenge is for regular philosopher scientists like us.... we are neither lucky enuf to be absent minded like AE... nor, possibly, have given ourselves such strong high level goals to achieve, that ignoring the smaller issues becomes incidental...

here is my conclusion... (and its not mine :))...
...Educated men lay down broad general principles; uneducated men argue from common knowledge and draw obvious conclusions - Aristotle

a wildly romantic book called goa .. go slow!

ocean makes u think depth. it makes u think vastness, power, and might. it gets u to introspect... and sparks thoughts that never existed before.

...waves as high as you, a few meters ahead of u... on a early Goa morning. u wake up... and walk on the beach. even before you are conscious, the ocean and the sand has already hugged your feet and grabbed your shapeless thoughts. u see an old big ship anchored in the middle of the waves... holding grounds as if it was built into the sea...

a beach cafe... that serves old monk and your brand of smoke. no one in sight.. except the vast, slightly violent ocean. the stretch of the beach ending into greens, trees and a fort on one end, and ocean till the horizon at the other...

u talk of life, physics, beauty and danger... and wonder how beauty and danger both have a strange pull. is beauty dangerous! or is danger beautiful!? ...the ocean is a surprising mix of both...

[ this was a 7 am walk on Candolim beach, ending near Aguada fort. We almost gatecrashed into the Taj from the ocean facing end. The waves were hitting the walls and we walked though them :)... the cafe is in palm beach resort. ]


is it a house? ...someone sure lives here!!... hey look there, a lovely collection of books this guy has.. all those deliciously strange old books that you only get to read from a similar delicious strange old library, but never get to buy!!! ...and look here, an entire room full of the latest best seller stuff...

and then you realise this nice homely place is actually a bookshop. of course, a residence converted into a bookshop. sit here for as long as you want... order some nice homemade cheese sandwiches and kokum juice... and bury yourself for hours into those lovely pages, and smell of old books. one of the best book places i have visited ever...

[ this was Literatti... the book shop. on the way from Candolim towards Baga beach ]


the afternoon begins with some Goan clothes shopping... a floral print bright shirt and shorts... a hat and an OM kurta... well equipped, you cross the regular Tito’s and end up at Britto’s :)... at the beach...
a little food and a few drinks later you realise the onset of dusk... they got candle like stuff they place on your tables...
you are on the first table facing the sea... and you sip your drink with the most extreme relaxation you could ever feel... you talk in breaks and pauses... relishing every second for many many minutes... life is peaceful... slow and just right!

[ this was Britto’s at Baga Beach ]


another morning... another sleepy eyed mind, another short walk towards the sands... and here you have a cup of tea after the ocean winds have woken you up... of course a few dog foot marks on the sand don't hurt the eyes much... but try not looking at a the dogs being overtly playful at this early an hour...

a dip in the sea to tick mark that 'you had a dip in the sea’ ...and you move back to relaxing, living moments, and living slowly...

oh! was that a dolphin u saw jumping out of the ocean 30 meters ahead!!!?!? :)

[ this was Palolem Beach, and on it an otherwise neat and lovely beach resort called San Fransisco... they have an amazing speed of getting food... seems like they outsource each meal straight from San Francisco :) ]


a secluded beach.... there are very few things of more value than a long evening spent here, entering into the night. and entering deeper into your own thoughts...
a setting sun and a rising realisation of something that you always knew existed... answers to long forgotten questions!!

[ this was the Palolem Beach end in intercontinental the grand resort territory. No Dogs ]


am sure in love with goa!

further in a certain direction

___________________________________________________
11:06 PM 7/3/2001
There are certain unquestionable rules that must be created simply to drive your life and help you take decisions. They NEED NOT have a reason. They are like that arbitrary starting point on your life's infinite graph sheet which only creates a reference for you to start plotting the rest of your life's graph.
"Liquor is bad and must be avoided at all costs" is possibly one such rule.

3:52 PM 12/6/2003
i am not learning... i seek more of the same... i feel as if things are being forced down my throat by myself... like that nasty dry torrid taste of liquor that gives me a high i never craved for... much smaller things in life give me bigger highs.... ya i know.... i might be just not lucky anymore

12:03 AM 6/8/2006
another tight day.. have not slept much since the last 72 hours... hectic flight schedules and pending work in office when u r back... drains you.. dont really enjoy this on a saturday night.. but then... once in while being dedicated to your company helps... u learn stuff urself....
a drink wud do me so much good... and may be a few more... ;)
____________________________________________________


i still question the rules!


----------------------

Psychoanalysis of wearing a tie

"Psychoanalysis of wearing a tie" doesnt lend itself to any relevant google hits... so i felt it more than appropriate to present my views on the subject as a part of my contribution to humanity...

they say that the french started it ... King Louis XIV took it up after seeing the victorious Croatian mercenaries during the Thirty Years' War...

as much as it started as a fashion accessory as it is today... but, somewhere in late 19th century it served the purpose of showing the wearer's affiliations...

history apart... lets look at the need/effect of such a piece of clothing...

why is it professional to wear a tie?
why does it look impressive?
how can it make you feel more confident internally?
is it just a cultural reinforcement?
is there more to wearing a tie than what has been told to us?

is there a psychology associated with it, that is so unique and inherent that even if a caveman was made to wear a tie he would feel a similar amount of boost in his confidence?

may be i am reading too much into it... but heres my theory :)

neck/throat is a very vulnerable body part for any animal... carnivores know it instinctively and attack a prey accordingly... a noose around the neck is used to guide cattle... to "direct them" where the "owner" wants to take them...

wearing a tie is a mark of acceptance of your vulnerability... to put it mildly, its a positive sign as it says that your weakness along with your strength is wide open for anybody to figure out... this can happen only when you are completely confident of your strenghths... thus a tie makes you humble and very confident... even if u r a big shot... it adds a sense of humility to you and thus makes u seem more professional ...

well... that was me on ties...

gosh.... weekend starts... this is a sure sign i need a break ;)
cheers

humor n money

heres raising a toast to the N'th philosophy created by the inquisitive being... there are two things that can get you thru anything in life...and i mean ANYTHING...

thats the title...

the catch is .. if u don have money.. u need a LLOOOTTTT of humor...

here i must add that humor is what ur own mind enjoys for no particular reason or logic ("no particualr reason or logic" is the operating phrase)... a deeper appreciation of the subject will also lead us to the fact that earning money thru humor is the ideal career for one and all... and thus the emergence of the breed of "great indian laughter champions" and the old stand up comedians...

..more in the next blog... think deeper

... part time blues

Where do i go nobody knows,
I’ve gotta’ say I’m on my way down,

God give me style and give me grace,


God put a smile upon my face ..



u know whats required to sustain a relationship?!? ... just willingness

and now answere urself

too much crimson

like a true human being i'd like start with a lie... i think i dont understand life...

where as.. i have huge misperceptions that in fact I DO... and one of the examples is this blog.. which shall claim to display, manifest and possibly crimsonify life for the benefit of myself, friends, strangers and argumentators or philosphisers alike....

i believe there are only two types of beings in this universe... human beings or philosophisers...
philosophers are different from philosophisers and for all practical purposes are human beings...

i'd like to make clear that contempt and sarcasm are not my tools and i shall steer away from them unless i am drunk and typing...

rt now i am drunk..

and typing..

.. although i am a very positive person... and am hopeful and confident that every life has to come to an end ... i feel that people will not realise this unless they concsiously try and LIVE every moment... otherwise we are all in fact dieing...

NOW... wish it was that easy... the fact is that your definition of 'LIVING' is bound to change 11 out of 10 times... and u'll be left groping for u dont even know what...

so on this positive note i start...