Post Internet Neo-Liberal World Guide For Women

I have always been the type with a strong gender bias. I VOCIFEROUSLY support the notion that women are the better race than all other races including 'men' (obviously, as per the MUO ratings [Mythical Universe Organisation], Douglas Adams' favorite dolphins, and the 'intergalactic alien swarm bees' cannot be surpassed by anyone, and women do fail that test there. But thats about it).

I wonder why then, do these women keep attempting to compare themselves against a lowly race of men (who incidently fall even below 'Mongolian Chimps' as per the MUO) and degrade themselves in the process.

With the world changing fast (I couldnt get more cliched than that), I feel that women could do with a guide on "how to be a woman and how to deal with men, in the post internet neo-liberal world". Philogynist that I am, I have taken the pain to devise the guide myself, to make women "future ready". Here goes -

1. Men are still out there to eat you. Trust me they enjoy women more than you ever can. Now they hunt on the net, along with/instead of the roads.

2. There are bigger aims in life than getting a good man for urself. The same does not hold true for men (...their biggest aim still IS to get a good woman. Good woman is defined as any woman ready to accept them the way they are. Of course she should also have a good figure, decent amount of brain, an engrossing blog, love for everybody's parents, and no dogs. Pink accessories are just fine.)

3. Men are out there to eat you. Trust me they enjoy women more than you ever can. (Note: No, this is not a mistake. We do 'lay' 'stress' on important 'points'.)

4. Corollary 1, to 2 above; Your good man will find you. Dont say no to him when he does, just because of the MUO ratings. If you really thought that mongolian chimps are better than men, and feel like waiting for one of those chimps to be all yours, you are probably mistaken. (Note: Read again what M stands for in MUO)

5. Men are out there to eat you. Trust me they enjoy women more than you ever can.

6. Corporate ladders have been easier for you to climb so far. But now prepare for a tough future. Lets not deny it, the men can simply stand there and 'allow' you to climb the ladder, just to WATCH all of you climbing (from below). But this wont last long, soon there will be a LOT of your own types up there and then there wont be any guys left to ALLOW you to climb even higher. Then what? I suggest its high time you start honing your professional skills as per how other senior 'woman' would expect you to behave (this means that 'rolling your eyes' is not going to work any more!)

7. Men are out there to eat you. Trust me they enjoy women more than you ever can.

8. Corollary 2, to 2 above: Parents are still the sweetest people on earth. Even if they are HIS parents!.. Men still want women who can love his parents as much as her own!

9. Men are out there to eat you. Trust me they enjoy women more than you ever can.

10. Men now KNOW all of the 2 secrets that you mysterious women ever had

- You want to be understood while you dont understand yourself, and

- You need to be pleasured (crudely put, men now know where exactly your 'point' is!)

Its been long enough and now they understand. So sit back, relax and let them give you the best time of your life (every possible way). Point here being that, you need to listen to him as much as he listens to you.

11. Men are out there to eat you. Trust me they enjoy women more than you ever can.

And finally, a simple viewpoint that may not humor you, may not be a huge change, but nevertheless, is worth reinforcing.

12. You have a lot more chances of being loved in this neo-liberal world than ever before (derived from point 2 and 10 above). By being loved, I mean being loved your way. The idea is that its still YOU who needs the love and he gives it! All you need to do is be happy, and he'll not ask for anything else.

PS. All men are not out there to eat you.

Marriage - Its Need, Futility & Origin

One of the freakier thoughts that has occurred to me in the past is the possibility that, the only reason for one's existence is procreation and furthering of the species.
That's what all living things do, beyond doubt. They screw!
Every act of life seems to be aimed at this as the final goal. Even aesthetics, mind you. Correlations are deep and intricate, but it should suffice to mention here, that a high aesthetic sense implies a higher level of evolution and therefore a better mate.

Isn't it profoundly depressing to realise that we are all here only because someone screwed someone! I mean, at a fundamental level, do you really believe that, while doing it, that someone and someone were thinking about how a good human being will develop out of their activity?!

Procreation & Marriage
Among human beings, this social function called 'marriage' seems like a vague attempt to cover the fact that at the end of the whole jazz, basically the 2 people concerned are gonna screw away to glory. What other significant difference occurs in their individual lives apart from THIS? (which otherwise cant be achieved in a really good long term friendship with a person of the opposite sex)

So, is marriage some sort of a moral cover up?

I could have said here that I appreciate other animals, for they at least don't cover up. And accept boldly that they need to propagate their species. But they hardly have a choice. And moreover, they don't read this blog.

Human beings, with all their intelligence and years of evolution, are the only species that seem to have an in built control mechanism against 'free and fair sex'. The only biologically and environmentally sound reason for this control that I can think of is, overpopulation. The irony is, that human beings are also the highest in number! what control are we talking here?
I am thus, unable to comprehend, the reasons for the existence of "marriage" as a custom. What does it do? Commitments can happen without it. In fact they do happen without it. Marriages do break. I have known extremely successful live-in relationships, and equally successful marriages. Then where is the differentiator? Where is the need of mandatory marriage (in order to propagate your species)?

Marriage as Celebration
One sane justification of marriage that I tend to agree with is, marriage being a symbol of celebration of commitment, and beginning of companionship! Great.. but why does it then extend into a legal contract? And multiple social obligations? Here is a short hypothetical account of the origin of marriage, with celebration is the premise.

I feel that marriage originated as just an occasion for celebration. Like how you throw a party when you win the 20-20 world cup. It was basically a party, and a symbol of the fact that something worth celebrating has happened in the lives of two people. Soon the trend caught up and these parties became very frequent.
Someday, some smartass who wasn't getting a companion, was too lazy to woo one, and was too eager to wait for the right one, realised that he just had to showcase the symptom (party), and the cause (companionship) will be assumed. So he got another dumbass who wasn't getting a companion and started celebrating. That, I think, was the first day when marriage came into existence!

So, I don't think marriage should be a compulsion. Either social, or moral!
I don't think its necessary for a successful relationship, nor does it guarantee success in any way.

Afterthought
I do realise that these thoughts are too radical. I'd like to tag them as "ahead-of-their-times". But futility if marriage is a question that has failed to lend itself to a convincing answer, at least in my life, so far.

Memoirs Of an Eve Teased Adam

26th of January 2006 was the fateful day. I had been feeling heavy, and all tangled up in the head. So I decided to do away with it all. And emerged out of the amboli, andheri west, local hair salon, with a sunny bright shining scalp. This was the begining of my tryst with my yet to grow hair. I had decided to grow them really long this time, so I thought I might as well start from well... scratch.
While I caressed my smoothness gently, I had no idea of the revelations that were in store for me.

Life was different, life was easy. The feeling of waking up with a 'light head', and the reduction of one physical action, that of combing hair, added to the pleasures of my lazy existence. During the course, I was forced to acknowledge compliments ranging from "cool fauji cut yaar", to "nice spikes man" .. to "aur netaji, tel lagaun?"

The defining moment was when I could tie my first pony tail. And soon, I was an (arguably unlucky) owner of a graceful mane.

Now you may wonder why? Those who have long hair will relate to me (Yes! including girls). Ever since then, I have been getting the looks from various sources - like guys, dumb looking guys, disgusting looking guys, filthy looking guys, smart looking yet ill bred guys, fucked in the head guys, and various other such forms of guys. Lets call these forms FUGGED for easy reference (just for the heck of it).

A typical instance goes as follows, and usually occurs during twilight or night -

Me walking to the neighborhood bhola juice center => FUGGED see from behind, FUGGED focus on my mane => FUGGED think me girl => FUGGED turn back to look at me after crossing me => FUGGED's glance in first nano second, sexually dirty - FUGGED's glance in the rest of nanoseconds, disappointment and 'blaming me for it'.

It was disturbing when I sensed it for the first time. I felt invaded when guys stared at me with such looks.
All you guys, just try imagining another guy lusting for you and looking into ur eyes. Unless you are a different type, chances are that you'll be disgusted.
I felt even more angry when they (FUGGED ones) were disappointed to see a stubble, lack of breasts and other such inadequacies that make a man out of me.

I have now realised what women go through all day. You, as a guy, may not realise it, but your glance is an infringement on her privacy. Its a stare at her physicality and can never be healthy. Dont do it, respect her. You'll be better off for it.

As a shitizen, who is only striving to do ALL of those tiny bits that are within his limited capabilities, I urge all you guys to NOT stare at girls on the street in such lustful ways. Try to refrain from looking straight into their faces, letting them see how disgustingly desperate you are. I look at women too. I relish the beauty from a distance. I agree at times I can get perverted thoughts, but I ensure that I keep them behind an opaque wall.
And more often than not we all should have better thoughts to entertain in our precious minds than a never ending hardcore porn film.

Trust me guys --- there are better vices than letching. Let go.


.

Vague

...And this is when I realise I need you beyond what words can express. I wish you needed me as much.
I dont know how it sounds. The peace shaken within. Thoughts, unsettled enough to spill out, almost unintentionally.

***

A person can never be convinced about something she does not want to be convinced about. And that happens in only two cases :
1. Either she has some other agenda, that is solved through not getting convinced by the stated arguments, or
2. She simply is closed enough, to never see the merit of the arguments presented.

***

I have always had a strange liking towards altruism. I want the entire world to be altruistic, because I think it will get me easy support/help/money. And while this may lead to me being blamed of selfishness, I think thats an altruistic trait, because I sacrifice my reputation to benefit the world.

***

Within all these complexities, where does a simple love story have a chance to survive? A person with such vague thoughts can only be ridiculed. Not loved. And, knowing that he is loved, he does not know what next.

May be a complex love story does have a chance to survive here. Or, if the love story survives, may be the complexities will go away. As someone with a tall hat once said "love is a self organsing principle".

So, give it a shot!

...having arrived

last night must have been the most memorable and fulfilling night of Robin Uthappa's life...

now you may say, what?! this guy still loves cricket? and is mad enough to write about it? and that too about one single new kid on the block, whose success is probably only as real or nebulous as ganguly's patience? (Ganguly is another topic!!!! someday soon)

As i walked to the balcony to get some fresh air, after having shouted and cheered india (from the comforts of our home), i was thoughtless.

...and then, i recalled the first day when i had recieved my first FIRST prize (recitation of "Rana pratap ka Ghoda") .... i can damn bet even today that I had walked out of the school in slow motion!! ... i could feel all eyes were at me, and i was the carefree conquorer of .. well a hindi recitation competition... may be it was the rana pratap effect, or the mere fact that a new girl had recently joined the class and i knew i had made an impression!... but yes... i had felt my self on, i dont know 9 or what, but some CLOUD!

i remembered all those moments, when success, had made me content, and light... when i felt i had arrived (how many times can u arrive in life?!? i dont know)...

robin, had reached a landmark. thumping the air with the fist (and actuallyy bloody being captured in SLOW motion!) ... getting india to victory... well done!

and something in me, could somehow share that moment! ...


i dont know what it feels like to take india to victory... i do know what its like to feel arrived!



PS.
Yesterday, Robin Uthappa scored 47 off 33 balls, hitting 2 consecutive fours in the last over, to beat an english total of 316, with 2 balls to spare, at the 6th one day cricket match between India and England at Oval. This was his first chance to bat in this tour, and first outing in a long time, after the world cup defeat. He has shown character, temperament and skill.

All the best to you. Cheers Mate.