convenient unsocial love

.

...a certain able bodied being with a penchant for indulgence, recently put my mental peace at risk... the idea of "convenient love" was thrown open for my analysis and contemplation by this modest self proclaimed urban ascetic...


Cut 2

7 relationships, 3 amorous movies and almost 5 years have been kept in perspective...

...see, i achieved self conciousness very late.. i dont remember much of the first 13 odd years of my life, and the need to analyse 'morality' came even later...

so what is "convenient love" (CL - acronymifying convenient love!) and whats it got to do with "morality" ?!?


Cut 3

she has known him... she is friends with many... she cant say no to her parents... she is a nice girl... she is confused... she needs someone... she needs noone.... she connects with him... she is falling for someone else... she experienced this for the first time... she has different priorities... she is done with all this... she cant compromise... she cant compromise again... she is hurt... she needs him... she cant take him anymore... she has a golden soul... she seeks golden souls... she seeks loneliness.... she... lives!

cud i have replaced all these "she's" with "he"?!?!....

---- "...do you believe thats air you are breathing?" - Morpheus


Cut 4

CL is about constricting your love with social boundaries... going only upto an extent that society allows you... u do everything that makes others feel that u have not broken any social rules... u probably are right?! u fear the stigma and the complexity of it all...
when you make a P&L account of all possibilities and evaluate the optimum loss and go for it... the economic quantity of love is all that u end up delivering... even to urself!!!

i assume morality to be a social code of conduct and not an individual one... u for sure compromise on morality when u indulge in convenient love... thats the other side of P&L... u give in to the moment as an individual.. and then go back to the one with whom you are "supposed" to be...socially...

...or u chose to fulfill a certain percentage of your needs from one relationship and for the other set of needs, u look for more CL relationships.... the catch is... u always make urself belive that its love... whether CL or not... its love...




Final Cut

we struggle.. we crawl on ur knees and beg to be "amoral".... the action potential travelling thru our synaptic nodes does not allow multiple relationships... wud it be better?... wud it be chaotic??,,, are we slaves of a new type of tyranny... neither feudal, nor colonial,..... but ... moral??,,, am i exaggerating.... or is it just those amorous flicks speaking thru my gut!!?...

i know i am not gullible..

i wish i was below the line of fatality... i wish i had neither explored chomsky nor read freud.. neither heard of existentialism nor tried to question moral codes...

i wish i had never experienced true love... !!

...true unsocial love!!

Cerebration: about cats, auras and life's quests...

any debate on quantum physics always excites me way more than my immediate preceding debate on quantum physics!!.. and so on...

..my drifting thoughts and settled emotions found a new company in the form of my recent quantum cogitation... "what is the schrodinger's cat experiment exactly trying to say?" she asked.. and the smile on my face was neither a sufficient answere nor by any means apt (especially as this duologue was being effected through wireless mobile technology)... and then followed a series of conjectures and interpretations about uncertainity, probability and the status of the observer as a "part of the system" or "independent of the system"... this led to further discussions on the basic nature of matter and energy...


"why all these curiosities?" i asked, pleasently surprised by the sheer unexpectedness of it all... "am reading this book you had suggested, 'In search of schrodinger's cat'... And I also got the other one 'schrödinger's kittens and the search for reality'... u know i see auras right.. i feel quantum physics can explain auras..", the sparkle in her voice was almost luminous...
"are aura's more like energy waves or are they corpuscular?" she asked... i explained to her the duality of light and the possible duality of every other energy form...and she wondered, like a little child, that what if thought is also an energy form and, possibly an aura is the external manifestation of the person's thoughts...

cud be!!... and thats the beauty of quantum physics... possibilities and probabilities are infinite... but reality is still not defined...


we cud attempt to decipher the basic nature of thoughts (whether energy wave or particle wave) through some far fetched extrapolations... the way two energy waves interact with each other is very different from the way two particle waves do... the phenomena is called interference... interference is not supposed to happen with particle waves (do note that light exhibits particle wave nature, as well as interference pattern)... now, if two thought waves were energy forms, then we wud observe constructive and destructive interference... this wud inherently imply that two thoughts can either kill each other and lead to nothing or can have synergy and create something totally new...
on the other hand.. if thoughts were particles, they may just hit each other and bounce back having made no difference to themselves or the environment... so do u have ur answere?!!?.. possibly not... :)... and yes! the uncertainty of the situation intensifies the quantum reality of the answere...

the conversation went on... a little bit of string theory, details of the heisenberg uncertainty principle, and a few pinches of einstein were thrown in for good measure...

and then it ended... it was forced to end... wireless networks were weak...

the silken threads proved to be as strong as bonds of steel... life seems to be edging forward pretty fast... and quests are the fuel...

may thoughts find their destinations without having to journey though words... may life's quests never end!


Cerebration!


Celebration!!

on a personal note - let me propose

i want to fall in love... i have felt it before but have almost forgotten the feeling... i want to fall again... after a long time... i feel superkicked by merely imagining the possibility... i'd like to write for someone... a letter to my lover... say, we have known each other long enuf and cant help but decide to spend together this one single life that we have... still we wud know that this moment of decision is glorified by the bubbles of "being in love with someone", which is much more ephemeral than "loving someone"... we know that we also connect with each other at a level beyond these thoughts... so i'd like to write a letter to her... while she is trying to call me to tell me what she feels, i am totally oblivious of it all, and am penning down my feelings for her... we both feel the same... it will read something like this...

awake since 3 am… its 6 now… 4 missed calls from you didn’t wake me up…. cleaned up the room and took a shower…. had some fruits, and now… writing after a long time with so much of peace around… you know that 2 to 6 is possibly the only time when this stupid city isn’t moving, shouting or choking itself… u know it better!
with VH1 in the background and lights off, its just the right time and mood to make me susceptible to weakness and life… so, inadvertently I have been thinking of you since I woke up… and I realize there isn’t too much I wanna say to you these days… except.. lets get real and get married… I mean, to each other :)… I now feel that we wont need to "make it work" or smthng like that… I see us together… u’ll live ur life ur way, n so will I, my way... and we both will still have each other around whenever we want… free of any restrictions.. our marriage will be more like two friends sharing their space, thoughts, emotions, life and learning…

.. we will pursue all our interests and share our excitements... we live a new life everyday... and while we r living, if someday u feel that u shud have our baby... we will…. then we will be a little more than just frnds... and start a whole new world from scratch... by then we will be the same soul living in two bodies...
our instincts will guide us thru it all... at least urs will do a better job… we wont need to think.. it will just happen… most of it..

I don’t see u as a different person, leading a separate life… even if u r far away from me… distant from me in any way… I will always feel ur existence and u will feel mine… there is something more than the complexities of human and social unrealities that binds us…

I don’t have too many words these days to share with you… u know this is a short one compared to what we have been writing for each other… there is neither an expectation from the future, nor any sense of planning that I am used to indulging in…

there is just a soft touch of ur presence in my life..
somewhere…

and I am content!