Thursday, October 23, 2008

Words With A Heart

And these are the moments, this is the time,
When these wandering words of mine,
Dumbed against choice,
Need that sound, that music, that voice.

When I feel, and feel it from deep within,
When I feel so bad that it hurts, and when
I feel the words pouring on their own,
When I feel not like saying much, of what I have known.
And I write them still, I utter them loud,
In me when I have a voice, and I want to get it out,
I need you to know, that I may not always do,
But when I do say them, I love saying them to you,
I love to be there, all around, everywhere,
I love to share your pain, making you smile,
I love watching you - the bird, the doll, the child.
I want you to know, that I may not mean much,
But when I think of you, I dream of a healing touch.
I wish I had more, to these bland wandering words,
These words of mine, dumbed against choice,
Need that sound, that music, that voice.

When you want to hear them, and go "say something nice",
I think of saying them, aloud and clear,
Adorned with wings, and with things like orchids,
Adorned with life, with love and cheer,
I say them to you now,
These words of mine, they were dumbed against choice,
Now have a heart... now have a voice.

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Today... I Just Know

This day has mostly been introspective for me. Bordering on sadness and an aloof sense of loneliness. Each year I have tried to rationalise these feelings. Attempted to draw my own profound conclusions about how relevant the existentialist thinkers have been and how life is almost always, especially on this day, no better than a unintentionally cruel, huge and indifferent question mark.
I have never been the one to celebrate this day, but ever since I have stepped away from home, this day of each year has left me more lonely than the year before. At times I have been in the middle of more than twenty people, all gathered only for me, all partying all night only for me, hopping from one corner of a bright night city to the other, only for me, and I seem to enjoy it all while in my heart I have never felt more lonely. At times I have walked for miles soaking everything around me, and come back feeling as empty as I was when I had started. At times, I have tried to let it pass, only to realise that it would be stupid to assume that its the day that 'causes' the questions. It doesn't. The questions probably exist and stay dormant throughout the year. Patiently waiting for me to lend an ear to them. And thats what the day has mostly ended up being like.

But today is different. Today is peaceful and today, for once, makes me feel content. Today I feel I am doing the right things in life. I feel I am doing what I am supposed to do. After years of having spent this day in a mesh of complicated thoughts and directionless questions, today comes as the simplest possible answer to every question that I could have possibly imagined. And the simplicity of the answer is matched only by its beauty. Just like the questions, that usually hit you more like a cloud of thought than a set of words weaved into a sentence, even the answers don't easily lend themselves to general articulation.
I know I have it, I have sensed it and I am peaceful in the knowledge that I now don't have to look for it.
This answer is the best gift I have ever got and will ever get. This answer, that I could have never expected in my wildest possible imagination, has marked me for life and I know that whatever may happen tomorrow, my life has already got the meaning that it was so thirsty for.
I just know.

For all of us reach a point in our lives, when... we just know.

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