Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Today... I Just Know



This day has mostly been introspective for me. Bordering on sadness and an aloof sense of loneliness. Each year I have tried to rationalise these feelings. Attempted to draw my own profound conclusions about how relevant the existentialist thinkers have been and how life is almost always, especially on this day, no better than a unintentionally cruel, huge and indifferent question mark.
I have never been the one to celebrate this day, but ever since I have stepped away from home, this day of each year has left me more lonely than the year before. At times I have been in the middle of more than twenty people, all gathered only for me, all partying all night only for me, hopping from one corner of a bright night city to the other, only for me, and I seem to enjoy it all while in my heart I have never felt more lonely. At times I have walked for miles soaking everything around me, and come back feeling as empty as I was when I had started. At times, I have tried to let it pass, only to realise that it would be stupid to assume that its the day that 'causes' the questions. It doesn't. The questions probably exist and stay dormant throughout the year. Patiently waiting for me to lend an ear to them. And thats what the day has mostly ended up being like.

But today is different. Today is peaceful and today, for once, makes me feel content. Today I feel I am doing the right things in life. I feel I am doing what I am supposed to do. After years of having spent this day in a mesh of complicated thoughts and directionless questions, today comes as the simplest possible answer to every question that I could have possibly imagined. And the simplicity of the answer is matched only by its beauty. Just like the questions, that usually hit you more like a cloud of thought than a set of words weaved into a sentence, even the answers don't easily lend themselves to general articulation.
I know I have it, I have sensed it and I am peaceful in the knowledge that I now don't have to look for it.
This answer is the best gift I have ever got and will ever get. This answer, that I could have never expected in my wildest possible imagination, has marked me for life and I know that whatever may happen tomorrow, my life has already got the meaning that it was so thirsty for.
I just know.

For all of us reach a point in our lives, when... we just know.


16 comments:

Beauty and the BEast said...

I tried to say congratulations at finally having found the answer!

But it somehow seemed inadequate after sensing the years of struggle you have experienced before you have the answer.

So well..

Just

happy birthday!

Megha said...

am dumbstruck...this has put ME in a deep thought now...
although i still relate to the first paragraph more caz i am still lingering in that phase but really elated to read what u wrote next and can jus say that u deserve each and every bit of what u have achieved and much more...
happy birthday once again..

Stupidosaur said...

Happy Birhday?

Stupidosaur said...

Happy Crimson Feet.

Mystique Wanderer said...

aah...b'day thaa tera...aur buddha ho gyaa tu...achcha hai ab train mein senior citizen quota ke liye apply kar sakta hai :P

he he...happy b'day

waise tu khush ho le...but having been there and thru various phases...i hope u have found the 'permanent' ans...but usually its just a temporary elation of having found a semblance to the answer...

but even that is a great achievement...

waisey like the hitchiker said...the ans is 42...what u want to know is what is the question

crasiezt said...

Happy bday man!! I can't imagine why you would write such a serious post on a day like this!!

Macadamia The Nut said...

Happy B'day!!!!!!!!!
How late am I?
:D
*hugs*

•♥•♥[V]♥•♥• said...

Happy Birthday brother :)

You gave me some food for thought ..
i have always have this feeling and i hide it ..try to be happy,have booze,party etc..but there's an abyss of emptiness inside.

Hope one day i find my answer too..

take care

the5elements said...

yes you just know and am so elated to read this...there were plethora of questions in my mind that just got answered by going through this...love the way you write and absolutely thrilled about what she has done to one of the most genuine daffs i have known...:)

rantravereflect/ jane said...

Happppppy Birthdayyyyy :D
n like macky, i know I'm late, but my Best Wishes come deep down from my heart :)

n well, i'm in a quagmire of (All) sorts now--> soooooo, i know how euphoric it must be to have found all those answers.. :)
Congrats buddy!

i pray this answer not only completes ya, but also keeps ya living life full hog :)

Crimson Feet said...

@ beauty... thanks for the answer ;)

@ megha... :) thanks... and dont worry... soon you shall have your own too!

@ stupidosaur -- welcome here friend :)... and yes that pun made me grin wide :)

@ mystiq wanderer saale.. abhi itna boodha nahin hua hoon ke tere saath travel karna pade ;)... thanks for the wishes and whatever may the question be,,, i know my answere will remain the same... and no, mine isnt 42 ;)

@crazy... because i am probably crazier?!? ... thanks a lot :)

@ nut... hellows... long time... not very late... almost the same day! :)... thanks so much!

@ V... thanks bro and all the best for your quest... however, quests are never over, and probably the answer keep coming :)

@ panchtatva ..jai ho... maiyya! yadi aap kripa kar ke meri blog ki dunia mein mera kachha publicly na utaaren toh swayam ko atyant bhagyashali manoonga... jai ho panchtatva maiyya ki..
....glad you at least liked what i wrote :)

@ RRR thanks soo much for the really wonderful wishes ...i can almost smell their genuineness... :).. thanks

Sutta said...

This has conveyed ALOT of what I'm living now.

Happy Belated Bday!

Farah said...

Your words are so beautiful.

Crimson Feet said...

@sutta... thanks buddy!!.. glad to know that u are a man who knows he's on the right track


@farah... thats very sweet... thanks!!

AshenGlow said...

Maybe when you are baking a cake on a chilly December morning and you automatically add a heap more to the flour in anticipation of a company... because 'a creature in a yellow-and-red striped jersey and spike-studded boots' called wild imagination tells you so...

Maybe when you smile at that orange ray from the window of the bus that rests on your face and you smile at call it a silly romantic beauty...

And maybe when happiness colours the beast within you so much that your feet go crimson all over and you cant stop tap dancing..

... you'll realise that you know it.. and that it was worth the wait after all...

aint it... :)

Congratulations on finding your answers... And of course.. Belated birthday wishes. God Bless. :)

Waiting for my own little answer,
Ashen

Crimson Feet said...

@ ashen... :)... pretty!... very...

thanks a ton my friend!!

your own little answer awaits you somewhere too!

amen

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