Friday, October 05, 2007

Post Internet Neo-Liberal World Guide For Women

I have always been the type with a strong gender bias. I VOCIFEROUSLY support the notion that women are the better race than all other races including 'men' (obviously, as per the MUO ratings [Mythical Universe Organisation], Douglas Adams' favorite dolphins, and the 'intergalactic alien swarm bees' cannot be surpassed by anyone, and women do fail that test there. But thats about it).

I wonder why then, do these women keep attempting to compare themselves against a lowly race of men (who incidently fall even below 'Mongolian Chimps' as per the MUO) and degrade themselves in the process.

With the world changing fast (I couldnt get more cliched than that), I feel that women could do with a guide on "how to be a woman and how to deal with men, in the post internet neo-liberal world". Philogynist that I am, I have taken the pain to devise the guide myself, to make women "future ready". Here goes -

1. Men are still out there to eat you. Trust me they enjoy women more than you ever can. Now they hunt on the net, along with/instead of the roads.

2. There are bigger aims in life than getting a good man for urself. The same does not hold true for men (...their biggest aim still IS to get a good woman. Good woman is defined as any woman ready to accept them the way they are. Of course she should also have a good figure, decent amount of brain, an engrossing blog, love for everybody's parents, and no dogs. Pink accessories are just fine.)

3. Men are out there to eat you. Trust me they enjoy women more than you ever can. (Note: No, this is not a mistake. We do 'lay' 'stress' on important 'points'.)

4. Corollary 1, to 2 above; Your good man will find you. Dont say no to him when he does, just because of the MUO ratings. If you really thought that mongolian chimps are better than men, and feel like waiting for one of those chimps to be all yours, you are probably mistaken. (Note: Read again what M stands for in MUO)

5. Men are out there to eat you. Trust me they enjoy women more than you ever can.

6. Corporate ladders have been easier for you to climb so far. But now prepare for a tough future. Lets not deny it, the men can simply stand there and 'allow' you to climb the ladder, just to WATCH all of you climbing (from below). But this wont last long, soon there will be a LOT of your own types up there and then there wont be any guys left to ALLOW you to climb even higher. Then what? I suggest its high time you start honing your professional skills as per how other senior 'woman' would expect you to behave (this means that 'rolling your eyes' is not going to work any more!)

7. Men are out there to eat you. Trust me they enjoy women more than you ever can.

8. Corollary 2, to 2 above: Parents are still the sweetest people on earth. Even if they are HIS parents!.. Men still want women who can love his parents as much as her own!

9. Men are out there to eat you. Trust me they enjoy women more than you ever can.

10. Men now KNOW all of the 2 secrets that you mysterious women ever had
- You want to be understood while you dont understand yourself, and
- You need to be pleasured (crudely put, men now know where exactly your 'point' is!)
Its been long enough and now they understand. So sit back, relax and let them give you the best time of your life (every possible way). Point here being that, you need to listen to him as much as he listens to you.

11. Men are out there to eat you. Trust me they enjoy women more than you ever can.

And finally, a simple viewpoint that may not humor you, may not be a huge change, but nevertheless, is worth reinforcing.

12. You have a lot more chances of being loved in this neo-liberal world than ever before (derived from point 2 and 10 above). By being loved, I mean being loved your way. The idea is that its still YOU who needs the love and he gives it! All you need to do is be happy, and he'll not ask for anything else.

PS. All men are not out there to eat you.

5 comments:

Naseeb said...

Excuse my ignorance,but whats a 'Philogynist'?

Crimson Feet said...

one who loves women! ...raher considers them as the "higher type of humanity"

Scout said...

ha ha... i loved the way u ended this post :)

Crimson Feet said...

:) ... thanks!

stuti said...

nice post..i must say u hav a gud sense of humor..:) take care

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