life in bombay...

U are scared of that needle poking into ur finger to draw out blood for testing…. When it happens… u bear it… u don’t really love it but u don’t hate it as much either…

U hate that filthy muddy puddle out there in that smelly corner of the cowshed… and then u r pushed into it … to clean it… u start getting used to it .. after a point..u don’t love it but u don’t even hate it as much…


U have to clean your own toilets…. U r doing it for the first time… u cant stand the thought of the filth… but u cull up all the courage and do it…. U don’t love the experience but u don’t hate it as much as u though u wud…


--- fill in two or more such filthy instances from your personal expereince ---



U are in Bombay for the first time… u don’t have the patience to wait inside ur auto while u r sweating and getting late… u cant stand the number of people u are forced to see in one go at dadar station… and the number of people who squeeze themselves thru the small stairway leading to the equally unheavenly exit of the station… some months pass… u have been in Bombay long enuf… and now .. u may not actually be in love with these inhuman conditions but .. then u don’t hate it either..


This is not a happy ending… just in case...

an itchy incident....

What does it feel like to hurt??… and to feel helpless about it?!?!… what does it feel like to be unable to stop coughing for hours at a stretch…

waking up at 3 am with a mild cough and waking up every time u are about to fall asleep… then getting restless and getting out of the bed so that u are able to cough comfortably and get it over with… and then… slowly realizing that its getting severe with every thoracic jolt needed to help release that itching thing stuck to the insides of your throat … u want to reach out with ur fingers and scrape it off but u cant… slowly the cough becomes painful... as if u have been scratching a rash so long that by now the skin has begun to scrape off… now just the anticipation of the next cough hurts… its 6 am and u know the shops wont open for another 3 hours…

u make tea with an extra dose of cardamom and black pepper…. U manage to take one sip without coughing and another… u begin to feel relaxed… and another sip… and then suddenly u begin to feel the monster itch rise slowly in ur throat again… and this time ur muscles involuntarily push beyond u can manage and u puke out the 3 sips u had along with bits of last nights digested food…. And u have this strange feeling that some of that itchy monster has also found its way out… u feel relaxed… much better.. may be this is it… u finish the tea comfortably… its 7 am… u get ready for office…

U reach office by 8… the train travel has got u coughing a lil bit again… but u ignore.. u feel comfortable that the puke took care of it all… and then u pass thru this dusty road and enter an office that is yet to be dusted… …

… no… not again.. its rising again… this time u r tired of it… u let it come.. with as much force as it wud wish… u have given up… another hour to go before the bendryl life drug can be made available… u agonise and wait.. warm water & salt.. do something,.,. look for the first aid kit.. someone take money and go to the shop as soon as its 9….

Time passes … finally u r holding the benedryl bottle in ur hand… u gulp it straight from the bottle.. u cherish the feeling.. it tastes like heaven…


…..


ya… 3 hrs since then and not a single rising itch monster feeling!! … so I was able to concentrate on writing :)

cheers!

from rhetoric to traffic jams... ADAPTABILITY

theres a strange kind of challenge in being able to drift your mind from the most critical... to the ignorable & small... and here i refer to the level of importance of the subject or thot n nothing else.. the challenge of thinking macro, n rethinking if the same would have a relevant interpretation at a micro level!!... and just to make life a little worse.. realising the irrelevance of the most critical macro thots at the micro level...

if life is bigger.. bigger than you (as rem wud put it;) ) then why do we remain engrossed in the complications of the irrelevant nitty gritty's of life.... "Small issues are irritants and hamper efficient working of the human mind"...

why do i call it a strange challenge?.. imagine the so called absent minded philosopher scientist Albert Einstein.. blissfully unaware of small issues like 'what if he keeps his car keys somewhere and forgets!!'... BIG DEAL... it shall be worked out somehow or the other.. but if he forgets a particular chain of thoughts while trying to work out a real life experiment to prove a particular concept that takes the general theory of relativity a step ahead so that time machines could be actually made... well.. thats a blooper!!...

so the challenge is for regular philosopher scientists like us.... we are neither lucky enuf to be absent minded like AE... nor, possibly, have given ourselves such strong high level goals to achieve, that ignoring the smaller issues becomes incidental...

here is my conclusion... (and its not mine :))...
...Educated men lay down broad general principles; uneducated men argue from common knowledge and draw obvious conclusions - Aristotle

a wildly romantic book called goa .. go slow!

ocean makes u think depth. it makes u think vastness, power, and might. it gets u to introspect... and sparks thoughts that never existed before.

...waves as high as you, a few meters ahead of u... on a early Goa morning. u wake up... and walk on the beach. even before you are conscious, the ocean and the sand has already hugged your feet and grabbed your shapeless thoughts. u see an old big ship anchored in the middle of the waves... holding grounds as if it was built into the sea...

a beach cafe... that serves old monk and your brand of smoke. no one in sight.. except the vast, slightly violent ocean. the stretch of the beach ending into greens, trees and a fort on one end, and ocean till the horizon at the other...

u talk of life, physics, beauty and danger... and wonder how beauty and danger both have a strange pull. is beauty dangerous! or is danger beautiful!? ...the ocean is a surprising mix of both...

[ this was a 7 am walk on Candolim beach, ending near Aguada fort. We almost gatecrashed into the Taj from the ocean facing end. The waves were hitting the walls and we walked though them :)... the cafe is in palm beach resort. ]


is it a house? ...someone sure lives here!!... hey look there, a lovely collection of books this guy has.. all those deliciously strange old books that you only get to read from a similar delicious strange old library, but never get to buy!!! ...and look here, an entire room full of the latest best seller stuff...

and then you realise this nice homely place is actually a bookshop. of course, a residence converted into a bookshop. sit here for as long as you want... order some nice homemade cheese sandwiches and kokum juice... and bury yourself for hours into those lovely pages, and smell of old books. one of the best book places i have visited ever...

[ this was Literatti... the book shop. on the way from Candolim towards Baga beach ]


the afternoon begins with some Goan clothes shopping... a floral print bright shirt and shorts... a hat and an OM kurta... well equipped, you cross the regular Tito’s and end up at Britto’s :)... at the beach...
a little food and a few drinks later you realise the onset of dusk... they got candle like stuff they place on your tables...
you are on the first table facing the sea... and you sip your drink with the most extreme relaxation you could ever feel... you talk in breaks and pauses... relishing every second for many many minutes... life is peaceful... slow and just right!

[ this was Britto’s at Baga Beach ]


another morning... another sleepy eyed mind, another short walk towards the sands... and here you have a cup of tea after the ocean winds have woken you up... of course a few dog foot marks on the sand don't hurt the eyes much... but try not looking at a the dogs being overtly playful at this early an hour...

a dip in the sea to tick mark that 'you had a dip in the sea’ ...and you move back to relaxing, living moments, and living slowly...

oh! was that a dolphin u saw jumping out of the ocean 30 meters ahead!!!?!? :)

[ this was Palolem Beach, and on it an otherwise neat and lovely beach resort called San Fransisco... they have an amazing speed of getting food... seems like they outsource each meal straight from San Francisco :) ]


a secluded beach.... there are very few things of more value than a long evening spent here, entering into the night. and entering deeper into your own thoughts...
a setting sun and a rising realisation of something that you always knew existed... answers to long forgotten questions!!

[ this was the Palolem Beach end in intercontinental the grand resort territory. No Dogs ]


am sure in love with goa!

full circle incomplete

... dont know who is a friend... who is WITH me in my journey.. or will i keep looking for someone to "be with me" while i keep travelling alone ...

life ..they say..comes back a full circle... and this suddenly robs me of all the possible excitement... i guess the circle never completes itself... and when it does... well... may be u dont feel its an end... but its an infinite begining....

whtever... finding peace in transcendental thoughts while real life is sucking the soul out of ur listless body... no motivation to be greedy for happiness.... and i guess that keeps me going... NO GREED FOR HAPPINESS.... ain't that a good feeling..!! :)

when laughter becomes just a twitching of a certain number of facial muscles and not the existence of a sparkling soulful eye.... one tends to get lonely....

...no cure for this...