closer to nothing ....contd

survival has never been a priority for me... but that 60 min of battle against fading away, did make me realise the importance of good health... is that it?!?! ... no more to take from a near death experience.. no earth shattering insight?.. no ultimate sense of peace and tranquility??!

i'll lower it a bit more... there is not even an urge to feel grateful to the person/persons who were with me during the ordeal... who sort of "saved" me... i love them all.. more today than before... and i am glad about it... i am "excited" about whatever happened.. i smile more often now... cause all the negative emotions have suddenly lost their significance... but gratitude seems irrelevant.. almost demeaning... i was not scared to die..so i am not grateful for being alive... but i am glad i found friends due to this ordeal.. knowing genuine nice people is the biggest earning a man can have...

i must say that i am not an ingrate... also, under normal circumstances i have been grateful to people who have gone out of the way to help me... and even i am used to going out of my way to help others... but that day was different... that day had a significance simply by having started as just another day and ending similarly... in between life balanced itself precariously... by the end of the day.. i was a happier person...


after i was brought back from to the room, i slept... woke up at 6 and felt like having tea... CME has a lovely tea/snack/juice kinda multiutility area... i walked to the place and then towards a lake... sunsets at the CME manmade lake are lovely... very very lovely.. slowly the realisation of the earlier happenings of the day came to me... it started sinking in ... i met the doctor again.. i told her that saying thanx may not be enough because.. i possibly don even realise the gravity of what had happened, but she could always count on me under any circumstances.. for life... and then i walked away... staring into the setting sun next to the lake..


i called "her".. she did not pick up...
i didnt call again


i didnt call mom dad.. no one...


i felt peaceful, happy and incomplete... but happy!
:)