... is it possible to laugh within an hour of having cried because ur body had just refused to hold on while ur will battled with every breath to win the war against a strange helplessness to breath freely?.. Isnt it only fair to realise that life is so important that one must not spend time getting concerned about smaller things like death, future, taxes, sadness and may be ‘life’ itself..?.. and .. is it possible to not feel any sense of deep gratitude, superficial or otherwise, towards a person who saved your life? ?
I felt the proximity to the infinite void recently… I was close to the most scary “nothing” an average human soul can experience… if faith and reincarnation are not on ur side, then death is an absolute end….
it all started with a harmless request of a group of friends who had just prepared some fresh water fish… I had never tried rohu before (and never will…, ahem!)… within a minute my eyes were red.. and within 5 min I cud not breathe… i had the better side of probability in my favor.. I was within 10 min of an MI room (Medical Inspection Room, in armed forces), there was a doctor in our group, and I was surrounded by really nice people….
…by the time i was taken to the MI room.. every breath of mine seemed to demand more effort than I wud put into running a marathon… energy was running out of my body at a rapid pace and I felt helpless…
… fear of something severe had just stuck.. my helplessness was more about not knowing whats happening to me rather than the physical symptoms… a single tear and several marathons later, my will started giving way… I cud hear sounds of phone conversations… adrenaline injection being explained to the chemist and the urgency of the situation being conveyed with harsh words… my lungs were going numb and heartbeat seemed to be goin slow… i was slowly fading away without realising it…
...A needle felt itself on my forearm.. it hurt slightly… and many moments later...I don’t know how many… i felt my heart alive, breathing, while my body had betrayed my will… I cud feel the stillness of death in my limbs while my heart, like an old dependable house care employee, began to carry on with its chore of pumping blood into the frame called body… I realised I was back… back from don know where.. but back for sure...
“Thanx !”... I cud manage a smile while uttering the strangest thanx of my life, to the doctor friend who had “treated me” … she was concerned… almost sure that I cud have crossed over to the other side…
I had just been treated for anaphylactic shock…
Next post… Reflections on this experience.. especially on the lack of a sense of gratitude
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