It wasn't until after she left that I realized she was actually gone. I had been looking at her for quiet a while as she was approaching the auto stand. She didn't seem to care that I was. And I didn't care even if she did.
"Mind sharing the ride and save the planet from some pollution?" is what I had wanted to say, looking straight into her eyes.
"Mind sharing the ride and save some moolah?" is what I ended up saying instead.
She thought for a moment. Men in Delhi don't have a good reputation. I guess I looked harmless enough for her to nod in affirmative. She made some space and I sat inside the auto.
"Awkward silence? Or is it that I am not supposed to get to know you?" would not have been an optimum way to break this silence. I let it prevail.
She opened something to eat. Didn't offer. "Don't you think you should offer some?" I thought to myself but didn't utter.
I was oddly glad. Thats the kind of bad manners I am famous for.
"I am sorry for barging in like this. But you look deliciously pretty and I just wanted to be around you a little bit longer" I thought to myself again and didn't say a word. It would have been nice to tell her this, with that innocently charming nonchalant attitude of mine, and then turn the other way without giving her a chance to respond. But I just didn't feel like disturbing the silence.
Probably because it was getting prettier, the silence. I was liking it. She, most probably was indifferent to it. Not giving it, or me, any thought.
I would love to wonder that she wanted me to break the silence. To say something that created a spark.
I think the twinkle in my eyes is usually enough. Narcissist. No words spoken.
I could see her through the mirror. The usual beautiful things that can happen to girls on chilly nights. Her hair felt free to gently brush across her face and the lights were doing little tricks to make her look prettier. She looked unaware of herself. Possibly the way I looked unaware of myself. I soon realized my hair too were feeling free to cover my eyes. The auto guy was fast. Enough wind was being rumbled up for me to feel cold and for her to look beautiful.
I wanted to tell her that I could have said nicer things to make her feel nice, but somehow I didn't feel like saying anything tonight, and that it didn't matter if she didn't speak much either. The silence was nicer and I would rather quietly see how the lights were doing little tricks to make her look prettier. I wanted to share things with her, and "that moment" seemed like the best thing to share.
I wanted to let her know that I was excited to see her, to be with her and it really didn't matter if all this didn't matter to her. And if she ever met me again, I would tell her that how beautiful I thought she was, and how wonderful it would be to know how beautiful she actually is.
But for now, it was just the moment, and it was many.