Words With A Heart

And these are the moments, this is the time,
When these wandering words of mine,
Dumbed against choice,
Need that sound, that music, that voice.

When I feel, and feel it from deep within,
When I feel so bad that it hurts, and when
I feel the words pouring on their own,
When I feel not like saying much, of what I have known.
And I write them still, I utter them loud,
In me when I have a voice, and I want to get it out,
I need you to know, that I may not always do,
But when I do say them, I love saying them to you,
I love to be there, all around, everywhere,
I love to share your pain, making you smile,
I love watching you - the bird, the doll, the child.
I want you to know, that I may not mean much,
But when I think of you, I dream of a healing touch.
I wish I had more, to these bland wandering words,
These words of mine, dumbed against choice,
Need that sound, that music, that voice.

When you want to hear them, and go "say something nice",
I think of saying them, aloud and clear,
Adorned with wings, and with things like orchids,
Adorned with life, with love and cheer,
I say them to you now,
These words of mine, they were dumbed against choice,
Now have a heart... now have a voice.

Today... I Just Know

This day has mostly been introspective for me. Bordering on sadness and an aloof sense of loneliness. Each year I have tried to rationalise these feelings. Attempted to draw my own profound conclusions about how relevant the existentialist thinkers have been and how life is almost always, especially on this day, no better than a unintentionally cruel, huge and indifferent question mark.
I have never been the one to celebrate this day, but ever since I have stepped away from home, this day of each year has left me more lonely than the year before. At times I have been in the middle of more than twenty people, all gathered only for me, all partying all night only for me, hopping from one corner of a bright night city to the other, only for me, and I seem to enjoy it all while in my heart I have never felt more lonely. At times I have walked for miles soaking everything around me, and come back feeling as empty as I was when I had started. At times, I have tried to let it pass, only to realise that it would be stupid to assume that its the day that 'causes' the questions. It doesn't. The questions probably exist and stay dormant throughout the year. Patiently waiting for me to lend an ear to them. And thats what the day has mostly ended up being like.

But today is different. Today is peaceful and today, for once, makes me feel content. Today I feel I am doing the right things in life. I feel I am doing what I am supposed to do. After years of having spent this day in a mesh of complicated thoughts and directionless questions, today comes as the simplest possible answer to every question that I could have possibly imagined. And the simplicity of the answer is matched only by its beauty. Just like the questions, that usually hit you more like a cloud of thought than a set of words weaved into a sentence, even the answers don't easily lend themselves to general articulation.
I know I have it, I have sensed it and I am peaceful in the knowledge that I now don't have to look for it.
This answer is the best gift I have ever got and will ever get. This answer, that I could have never expected in my wildest possible imagination, has marked me for life and I know that whatever may happen tomorrow, my life has already got the meaning that it was so thirsty for.
I just know.

For all of us reach a point in our lives, when... we just know.

The Nightmare

The man in the clean white suit was waving the five rupee note at him. The man's face had a blank expression and he seemed to be standing in the middle of nowhere. The five rupee note was what he had dreamed of having. All day, every day, every minute, minute after minute. He reached out to the man and took the note. This was so exciting. He was finally getting what he wanted. After all those moments of toil, anticipation, excitement and effort, he had finally reached close to where he thought he could be.
Every minute, the man in the clean white suit would extend a single 5 rupee note to him and he would gladly accept it and they both would wait for the next minute. And so on and on it went. There was a broad smile on his face but the man in the white suit stood stoic and blank. As the clock hit the 59th minute of the 8th hour, there was an almost unnoticeable tinge of sadness. Of the thing being over. But then he knew that tomorrow will come, and he would again be doing what he had always wanted to do.

Even before he realised, the next day had begun. And also began the event-less predictable cycle of five rupee notes being doled out every minute. Today, as he hit the 59th minute of the 8th hour, he felt a very slight sense of relief. A sense of the anticipation that as the next minute arrives, the day would finally be over. 60th minute it was and the same hand reached out towards the pocket and pulled out yet another five rupee note. And he accepted it with the same practiced sense of indifferent obligation. Except that this time he was glad about this being the last note for the day.

The next day again came in a hurry. And the man in the clean white suit again got going. This was slowly becoming unbearable. Everything seemed so mundane and uninspiring. And the five rupee note didn't hold that value anymore. It didn't seem sufficient anymore to add spice and excitement to the painfully boring repetitive process. He felt an extreme sense of emptyness and started thinking of ways to get himself out of this cycle. The five rupee notes didn't make sense anymore. He wanted to scream, and he wanted to look for something else. His eyes wandered from one end of the white milky emptyness to the other end. He was desperate. He knew what would make a difference. He just knew it. Just like he had known the last time when he had ventured out in search of the five rupee note.
Yes.
What he wanted now was a 10 rupee note. All day. Every day. Every minute. Minute after minute.

One Simply Hell Of a Night

What I am about to describe was one memorable night. In every way.

Key Characters 1. Mr Aashish Ahuja - My friend, guide, philosopher and Aristotle known to me since 8 years. We have just shifted to a new house in sector 35 Noida.
2. Yours Truly
3. The Junior Engineer

Key Locations
1. Our House in Sector 35
2. Ilario and Costa Coffee shops in Atta market
3. The Electricity Board
4. Sumitra Hospital
5. The accident spot where a small red car that was stomped over by a 6 wheel truck
6. The Hotel That had AC Luxury Rooms

Have you ever known what it feels like to be the focal point of a storm, the reason of creation, being the behind the scenes strategist of some extremely critical development? I was thinking of myself as all this, no less than Chanakya hmself, after having successfully arranged and launched a particular campaign (that I can't name due to reasons of confidentiality) yesterday. And I was ecstatic at coming back home early for the successful launch meeting. Little did I know that the feeling would continue, albeit a bit morphed.
Just as I refreshed myself and set up my laptop to share all the fun with my girl, there was a sudden power cut. Now, its cool. In Noida its expected once in a while. I was pretty sure that it wouldnt last beyond an hour. But the story of this long night, my friends, had just begun.
Reality almost struck after about an hour of heat and misery and no power. So me and my friend Mr Ahuja decided to go down to Ilario, the air conditioned coffee shop with a wi-fi, relying on our ever so dumb but trustworthy maid to call us when the power is back.
Its 10.30 and Ilario decides to shut shops. No phone call from home yet. We ask our maid to check if there is power in nearby houses. And the insipid unsure response makes us laugh at our fate.
"Not her fault." says my friend. "If they knew any better, they wouldn't be doing what they are doing!"
I nod in complete peaceful agreement.

So we move our lazy arses to Costa Coffee for spending some more time in comfort, and debate the merits of the idea of a concept restaurant called "Lights Out", that provides extremely comfortable air conditioning and possible discounts during power failures, meant only for towns like Noida and other second level (Milk & Honey towns) where power failures are frequent.
By now its 11.40 and Costa wants to close too! Now what?
We reluctantly drag ourselves back to our sector and check with the security guard at the main gate for the status of the power.
"Sir! kucchh information toh hamein bhi di gayi hai power cut ki! (Some information about power failure has been shared with us as well!)" he beams a proud smile at us, as if the entire responsibility of the electricity board had just been entrusted upon him, and fumbles around with his register. Even before we heave a sigh of relief, that its not just us after all, he adds, "Sarsath number mein bhi bijli nahin hai Sahab! (Theres no power in No. 67 as well Sir).
Thats OUR house number. Well, so we ARE screwed.
We reach home and furtively check all DP switches for any trips. No clue. And we begin our hunt for THE Electricity board office.
This, my friends was a killer. This board's location could have easily been part of a spooky treasure hunt
We are directed near Prakash hospital, and enter a dark, silent, unlit, slip road with a care center for special people to our right. This is where we were told, the board was supposed to be. We see an eerie dead-end beyond which there are nothing but bushes, giving a feeling of a cemetery. We backtrack thinking we had turned wrong. We ask another petrol pump chap and he redirects us to the SAME road. We are amused and go back and decide to explore the dead end. Whoa! suddenly a right turn appears, hidden amidst bushes and broken tree trunks. We enter and keep moving. NO sign of life, light or electricity. Quite not like where an Electricity Board should be! Inspite of all our efforts we end up taking an entire round and reach back on the main road.
THIS cant be happening!!

We ask a traffic cop this time and he again directs us towards the SAME obscure road, saying we need to take a left into a "thin" road somewhere in between! OK then.
So here we are again, near a hospital/care center for special people, reaching a cemetery like dead end, turning right into a sudden unexpected pathway and looking for a "thin" road on left. And we see... something.
"No. It cant be THAT thin!" I exclaim in surprise. Mr Ahuja bursts out laughing. We decide to turn into what seems like a booby trap. The road is just enough for the bushes to graze the sides of my car without slowing it below 20kmph! Also, there isnt ANY office or buliding in sight! This area was way too silent and lonely and the landscape very eerie. We contemplate conspiracy theories where electricity board guys cut power of some houses and con innocent residents into coming to a place like this and loot and kill them. We havn't even moved like 200m when suddenly, almost like a black magicians spell, The Electricity Board springs up on our left!
Wow! Finally!


After a mini celebration about how we can share these stories with our grandchildren, we enter the gate. Everythings locked. We call a number written above the main counter window. A cell phone rings nearby and a sleepy voice agrees to step out of what seemed like a locked door.
The chap breaks the news to us that the electricity has been cut due to non-payment of arrears. And he cant do anything now even if we pay him an extra buck. We try all tricks but the guy doesn't budge. Apparently the bill amount is very high! We are least concerned now, and we just want the power! Its 12.30 and my never-give-up friend Mr Ahuja decides to call the JE!
As he explains in his not-so-humble-and-requesting a tone that we need the power for the night as we are only tenants who have hardly stayed here for a few weeks, the sleepy JE looses his temper!
"Ek toh bill nahin bharte hain or upar se der raat call kar ke tang karte hain!" (On one hand you guys dont pay your bills and then you disturb us by calling late at night!!) and he cuts the line rudely.
My now calm friend thinks to himself and to me, quite blankly I must say, "Yaar baat toh woh theek keh raha hai!". I can't control my laughter on this sudden change of his emotions towards the situation!
I decide to message my landlady, so that she at least responds first thing in the morning!

So well, now that we have been having fun and there is no way of having power back before next morning, what are the options now? We debated that we could spend time till early hours in the all night coffee shop of Radisson, may be find a friend to lend us a couch, or possibly look for a hotel/hospital/guest house anything with AC!?
This debate also led us to an amusing realisation that all our friends are either married or living with their families (thats basically because we have 2 close friends around. 1 is married and other is living with his family!)
We decide to charge our cellphones first, as we would need them first thing next day morning, and go to the Sumitra Hospital security post, very close to our house. They have a 24 hour canteen! We buy a sprite and my friend suddenly finds someone at the reception and enquires for a bed in the hospital!
"AC please! How much?" he says. The guy responds saying Rs.1300 for the room, but that he needs to check if its available.
Here let me add that my friend is a self confessed AC addict. He believes that the second best invention by man, after AC, is the wheel. I am not too kicked with the idea of looking for a room in a hospital.
"Isnt it just too weird to spend the night in a hospital bed?!" I argue.
He retorts, "My friend, if I have the AC I could sleep with rats around!". I cant argue further.

Fortunately (for me) there is no AC room available. While we are charging the phone, we decide to walk around in our locality and are amazed at the quality of beautiful buildings around. We curse them for enjoying their time while we spend the night in misery. We suddenly find a huge house that almost looks like a guest house and has like 6 AC's jutting out from one side wall! We reach the main gate of this place only realise that its a private residence!
Well, so there we were, at 1.30 am, reliving our college days when we used to spend nights roaming around on roads of chandigarh, having coke and discussing "A Brief History Of Time" line by line! Having a good time, I guess, is only about making the best of an opportunity! Any opportunity.

My friend then had a brainwave. He knew a decent hotel in Noida that has AC rooms and isn't too far away from our place. And that its very much within our budgets. I go along as I am neutral to the requirement of AC given that the weather was now bearable. Its 2.00 am by now.
We have hardly moved out of our sector when we witness an amazing accident of a 6wheel truck with a small red car at an intersection! The truck had STOMPED all over the car and the car was stuck under the truck now. It was hopeless. We were partially feeling lucky that its not us and decide to drive very carefully, almost in shock.
We were moving in a small red car!
My friend switches on the parking lights, and we decide to go real slow. Amused at all that trucks can do. He goes, "That car guy must have seen the latest SX4 ad and got carried away!".
Its then that we suddenly realise that theres a HUGE truck right ahead of us and instead of going farther away, its actually is moving closer to us! The sight of my friend's panic was worth capturing, given that we were moving at 20kmph and the truck was backing at not more than 4-5!! Still I take a detour.
As we are driving towards the place, I generally ask him how does he know about the hotel.
"I stayed there almost 4 years ago, for some Jubilant work!"
"What?!?!?" I cant stop laughing. I was like, "What do you expect?? Even if the place still exists, the prices wont be the same!!"
And apparently the place had been shifted (although my friend denies my claim now) and there was a posh SPICE telecom office building in the same spot.

NOW WHAT?... we realise that there is nothing much to do and there might be more hotels in the area so we keep driving when we suddenly see a neon board saying "AC Luxury Rooms available". Hurray! This looked like the Holy Grail! We finally find a decent place. At the counter, my friend asks for a room for 2 only for the night.
Now let me tell you that it can get a little embarrassing. 2 guys asking for a room for one night! I was forced to add, that actually our land lords have not paid the bill and the power has been cut so we are sort of in trouble!
Anyway. We enter the room. The AC seemed to be bringing the temperature down @ 1 degree per hour. Yet it was much better.

Tired, we both fall asleep.


PS.
1. My car was safe until next morning. (Yes this may sound out of context, but is important for me.)
2. The hotel was not as cheap as my friend had envisaged. We were in a Rs 2500 room. I bargained the deal for a grand and closed it.
3. The landlady called early morning and promised to sort out the issue, which DID get sorted out by 5.00pm. So we are comfortable as of now, just in case you are concerned.
4. And remember the JE? We called him again. He said that the unpaid arrears on our house were... Rs 1,75,000!

Well... one hell of a night it was! :)

For her...

I wrote a few things and I trashed them in my imaginary digital waste paper basket! (Its always a good sign when you trash your own words many times before you actually write something worthwhile, and then trash that again, because you just found something even more apt and worth writing. Its a good sign because you know that now what you are writing, really matters.)

I was trying to create poetry about how she has painted life with love, and how she can sing on a canvas and write on hearts. How her passions flow like wild winds, invisible yet powerful. I was writing about how she can teach "peace" a thing or two because when she really needs to be held, she just... lets you. I was thinking about how she is the evidence that the wait is always worth it!
And so on and on I went, and realised there was no end to it, for there is no end to her charm, goodness and beauty.

So, I think the only thing really worth writing is that... I have found someone I will happily spend the rest of my life with.

Life Still Hectic

Have shifted houses within Noida and have been literally displaced. Hathway guys do not have their broadband network in the new sector that I shifted in so it has taken 20 days for me to get a new Internet connection.

Meanwhile... Trippin Thru has been updated with our Khajuraho trip!

enjoy..

RR is planning a come back soon.

चीर्स :)

So what exactly have I(we) been upto?

It all started with a comment on my blog by a certain "beauty and the beast". As time went by, 'Crimson Feet' and 'Beauty and the Beast' began chatting, and talking. Ever since, they have not stopped. Every free moment has been spent talking and getting to know each other better. And still theres always so much more!

So we decided to go for a trip to Leh. Although we returned back from Sarchu (midway bet Manali and Leh) as 'the Beauty' fell ill, yet, every moment was worth it.

We are in love and how!

We have created this blog called Trippin Thru, where we will be capturing all our travels. Starting Delhi-Manali-Sarchu and back. First post is up, and the second will be there soon. A trip to Khajuraho is on the cards next.

Long Bloody Time

I have been away for far too long। But trust me I am gonna catch up on as much of all of you as possible!..
as far as the explanation of my absence goes, it should suffice to say that ...


इश्क ने घालीब निकम्मा कर दिया,
वरना हम भी आदमी थे काम के !

चीर्स!


:)

Happiness - The Review, and The 8 Tag

Although I have written quite a number of reviews over the years (some of them on this blog, a few on see-hear-feel.blogspot.com) I don't claim to be a critic and a reviewer. I am not a cinema student either. I also don't like describing the plot, the characters their relationships etc. (unless absolutely necessary to drive home some other broader point about the movie). My reviews are mostly about what the movie makes one feel and think.

I have been looking for the right words to describe "Happiness" and have not been able to get too many. So I may end up using sentences that may get long and winding, very much unlike the movie itself though.
On the face of it, the movie looks sleazy and is weaved around tragic and scandalous subjects (like Paedophilia, Homosexuality, Masturbation etc). But when looked closely, its a very disturbing mirror shown to some of human realities. There is no point being driven home (or may be...?) but the extremely honest, understated, and darkly comical re-creation of what could otherwise only be described as human tragedies leaves one aghast and touched.
The humor has been weaved into the tragedy in such a way that you don't know whether to cry or to laugh. The movie is 'lightly dark', and almost mocks itself while portraying the hollowness of some of the human pursuits, and the helplessness of others.
Cinematically, its a very challenging script to pull off because of the highly sexual undertones (and overtones). But the movie deals with the situations extremely sensitively, without getting vulgar at any point. The intelligent black humor precariously balances itself between sleaze and depressing tragedy, never tending to become either!
The movie successfully manages to not pull the viewer into the depressing spiral that it creates. One may choose to look into the depth, the misery and the intensity, or just laugh through the film without getting involved with the intricate maze of ethical, moral and tragic realities that it is built upon. Thats why I like it so much, because it does solve the primary purpose of the medium - entertainment.
The movie has been so well made that its tough for me to get into any cinematic intricacies like evaluating performances or screenplay etc! Everything is just right. At least I didn't find any stark flaws. For me, the director was brilliant enough to make sure that each character was wonderfully crafted and judiciously utilised. The scenes are great because of the situations and their context. Of course, the actors have done a great job but its the director who has been able to make them do what they did by visualizing such unique yet real situations.
For eg. A desperate single guy who makes random phone calls for sex chat and shags on porn magazines all day, has the hots for his neighbor. He calls the neighbor one day, during one of those random phone-call routines, and tells her what he "imagines" doing to her. Such is her state of mind at the time of the phone call that she wants him to come over and do her. The scene when he actually lands up at her door, and both of them just end up sitting at the two ends of a sofa, is the most amazing dialogue-less scenes ever! The intricate situation and the multiple thoughts that may be going through the character's mind can only be imagined. He finally leaves and ends up sleeping (on the same bed but facing the other way) with the other larger sized lady neighbor, who has the hots for him.
Or the scene where a peadophile father answers all the questions, howsoever tough, when confronted by his prepubescent son!

I feel that people will have extreme reactions to the movie (Loved it vs Hated it). Those who hate it might say, among other things, that it reeks if looser mentality and inferiority complex. But I sense that even they would only be lying to themselves if they said they didn't relate to it. The biographies of the greatest of people are full of instances showing how they have been through both the sides of life and success. And then this movie has a chain of characters linking one looser who runs after another looser who runs after another looser and so on. (Quite similar in concept to the "Tauba tauba ve teri surat" video of Kailash Kher). Everybody, at the end of the day, is at the same level!

There is something very uncanny about the movie that I have still not been able to put my finger on. It doesn't say anything to anyone. It doesn't claim any pedestal or POV. Its just there, as a statement or a question, and yet it can't be ignored. Its too real a statement. Its not about 'What is happiness?', but its 'Is there happiness?'.

And one thing I can't forget ever is the "climax" of the film. I think the most apt final words ever spoken were said at the end of Happiness, - "I came".

~~~~~~~~~~~~end of review~~~~~~~~~~~~

Goonj tagged me. I'll keep it short.

8 things I am passionate about - Exploring Physics/Probability/Working of the mind/Will, Sensible Cinema/My movie collection, Cricket, My woman (Whoever she may be), Performing satisfactorily in my work (Whatever I do), Writing (lately), Understanding and Arguing.
8 things I want to do before I die - There is nothing that needs 'completion' or some kind of a time-frame. I am already doing all that I am passionate about and more, so even if I die today, I'd die a happy man.
8 things I say often - Right. Ok. Hmm. Fair enough. Cool hai. Relax. Bitch. Sorry.
8 books I have read recently - Shadows Of the Mind - Roger Penrose, Chaos - James Gleick, Fooled By Randomness - Nassim Nicholas Taleb, The God Experiments, My Experiments with Truth - Gandhi, Love Story - Erich Segal (3rd time), Remember Me (A chick-lit. Don't ask why. But loved it.), Just So Stories (Rudyard Kipling). "Recently" is quite a deceptive term here! These books have been read over 8 months.
8 songs I could listen to over and over - Drops Of Jupiter (Train), Afterglow (INXS), Hey You (Floyd), Trouble & Fix You (Coldplay), Turn The Page (Bob Segar version), One (U2), Top Gun Theme (Joe Satriani)
(I had done a similar post on Avanoo about, if my life were a movie then what would the soundtrack be? Check the link.)
8 things that attract me to my best friends - I have just 1 best friend and it would take me an eternity to come up with even 1 things that 'attracts' me to him. I am honestly completely truly repelled by the idea! There are a few more close friends, who are my friends inspite of what they are! :) Thats about it.

Most of the people have already done the tag and others will do it soon. So, I tag no one.

Happiness!

"Happiness" by Todd Solontz is one of the MOST difficult and awesome work of art ever created!!!

not just because of the thoughts and content
not just because of the beauty of expression, the natural-ness of it all
not just because of being touching

because of all of it....

Tough job.... well done!...

Bravo Todd... Bravo!!!!!!!!


May be i'll write a detailed review soon...

Letters From The Moon Part 7

Hi Jimmy,

My fascination for the moon is at a sort of a crossroad. I have not been able to write to you simply because I have not been feeling too great lately. May be its the different planetary alignment that my body is still getting used to! :)
The work on the GM gardens has been stalled enough to put authorities in an embarrassing situation. They have been able to develop just one genetically modified flower in over 8 months. Even that flower looks more like a purple praying mantis than any orchid, as claimed!
Just one type of flower would hardly help us make gardens out here, would it! I always thought that the moon deserved much more. A garden on Moon can be a girl's most fascinating dream. I am quite mad now.
I am not liking the way I am being treated here. Although its mild, but being pointed out every once in a while that I am only half Moononian seems senseless to me. You know that Dad was an Earth guy. But how does that make a difference? Some of these so called Moon-Kids move around with such an aura as if they were demi gods and people from earth were some sort of despicable lower level humans! Mom fears that if this growing social attitude is not curbed soon, it will take an ugly shape. I don't understand why should such a feeling exist at all! I mean, Moon doesn't have a human history of even 50 years (42 to be precise) and people have already started discriminating against first generation Earth guys! Shameful.

The brighter side is that there have been major upgradations in Moon infrastructure. The much awaited 'Cyclotronic Intra-Planetary Orbit Tube Service' has finally been unveiled and people are quite excited about it. But when compared with the excitement for the 'Zero Modulation Gravity Zones', it doesn't come any close! I still believe that the best and by far the healthiest way to pass time on moon is, to bounce around in these natural gravity zones. I just love it!
The Orbit Tube Service, or Ottis as people have started calling it, will soon get extended to allow for travel between Earth and Moon. The technology is a little weird. Technically, each passenger is first deconstructed at the origin and then reconstructed at the destination. Obviously they don't get to know about it and feel that they have slept though the journey. I wonder if these tubes will have windows! :P. And then, what use traveling when you can't even read a book on the way?! Sigh!

I want to tell you that I still love you and want you to come to Moon for good. Lets not get the distance of Moon and Earth between our relationship! Don't give me that silly reason of yours, that its easier for a writer to fuel his imagination by looking at the moon from earth than by looking at the earth from the moon. You just won't believe how beautiful earth looks from the moon. It does not rise or set. It just stays there in the moon sky like a blue splashy marble waiting to be picked up and played with. Makes me want to stay on moon forever, just to look at it. Which is quite a probability because I am not sure I'll be able to go back to earth and adjust to all that pollution and heat! Moon seems far more peaceful. Earth does look beautiful, but only from a distance.

With the Ottis in place, I think you would at least want to consider a trip this side.
I hope to see you soon.

Love,
"Me"

STA - 1472C
Next to Grungian Crater
Moon

(Inspired by my own Letters From The Moon, Part 2, written sometime earlier. I know, I am quite narcissistic. Kindly note that 'Crimson Feet' (from the earlier letter) and this girl who loves Jimmy, are neighbors!)

Mundane Movie Update Post

I had a brilliant movie filled weekend!

I realised that Charlie Kaufman is a less sung master, Robin Williams can't be praised enough, Nicolas Cage CAN act (and brilliantly at that), the french maestro Truffaut's creations can be genuinely boring, that I do love Jack Black's brand of humor and am not scared of putting his name in the same sentence with Truffaut, and finally, I realised that penguins can spark existential thoughts and shy away from giving answers that they don't know that they just might know!

Movies in Question -

March Of The Penguins - Morgan Freeman (Voice)
A fascinating documentary on the lifecycle of Penguins! The existential thoughts? Well, you wonder what motivates them to take up that arduous journey? You wonder what makes them put their life at stake looking for a mate, having an egg, taking care of it at all costs, and then going away from each other?
What makes us feel that our feelings and emotions aren't as much a part of a mechanical universal plan as are the obvious trials and travails of the penguins? And by a mechanical plan I don't mean a super-intelligent being having programmed us. Just look at the commonality between every living thing. They procreate, multiply and further their species. All have a seemingly hidden purpose that they are not aware of. And most likely, there isn't any purpose at all. We humans are also equally unaware if a purpose at all exists, and we garb the procreating instinct under love, relationships, soul mates, affection, bond etc etc.
*end it* ;)

The Big White - Robin Williams
A simple touching film about a man who loves his wife a lot. A LOT. No... I mean, really... A LAAWWT!

Domicile Conjugal (Bed & Board) - Dir. Francis Truffaut
This movie almost bored me. Its too real. Its too obvious and its just too.. well may be french.
Newly wed couple, regular life-like neighborhood with various life-like 'characters', regular life, dedicated husband, husband slips for a mysterious looking Japanese woman (what a twist), wife doesn't like it (the other possibility being?), regular quarrels, husband leaves the house, experienced next door married woman assures the wife that husband will come back, husband realises that he really can't spend quality time with the Japanese woman due to certain cultural differences, calls his wife to tell her how bored and incompatible he is with the Japanese woman, comes back to wife, gets into the routine again, they start living the way regular married couples do, and start doing things that they used to see their long married neighbouring couple doing.
I have NO views on the story. I just saw it. Didn't get bored enough to leave it. Just kept watching and then it ended, and I started another.
I think if someone watches it just before getting married, they would get quite screwed in the head. They wouldn't know what the heck to make of it! What was the point?
Even I don't know what the heck to make of it, but the good thing is, I am not getting married. ;)

School Of Rock - Jack Black
I remember having noticed Jack Black for the first time in "High Fidelity" and I loved the character! This guy can be so full of energy! And then I saw this awesome cameo of his in "Melvin Goes To Dinner" (Its an amazing must watch film about 4 almost strangers, ending up in a restaurant together and getting into a series of highly unexpected, long and engaging conversations about almost everything under the sun!). "Envy" is another underrated spoof on life that had him in a lead role!
'School of Rock' has infinite entertainment value if viewed right after 'Domicile Conjugal'.

Adaptation - Nicolas Cage, Wri. Charlie Kauffman
Brilliant and extremely intelligent piece of work. Pulling off such a script and the screenplay and not getting lost in it or not messing it up is an extraordinary feat in itself!
Over and above the fact that its an emotionally intelligent film, one must also watch it if they love exploring intricacies and looking for logical flaws ;). As per me, there is ONE. Not exactly a flaw, but an angle, if taken care of, could have made the movie even more brilliant. But no point mentioning it unless some of you have seen it and can discuss!

Confessions Of A Dangerous Mind - Wri. Charlie Kauffman
I realised that Kaufman is also the brain behind "Being John Malkovich", "Eternal Sunshine Of the Spotless Mind" and a lesser known brilliant movie called "Human Nature". Having seen all others, I had to pick up "Confessions..." straight away. And I wasn't disappointed at all. But "Confessions..." gains its impact from the fascinating life of Chuck Barris (An (in)famous game show creator of 60's and 70's), whose 'unauthorised' autobiography the film is based on, rather than the scripting brilliance of Kaufman (who obviously does a great job again!). It stars George Clooney too, who plays a character that possibly never existed in Chuck's life!... Fantastic film.

And yes, I also saw Airheads (Brendan Fraiser, Adam Sandler and Steve Buscemi (of the tarantino group)). It was ok, decently entertaining, but didn't deserve a mention up there.

A Wierd Love Story & The Quirks Tag

I read something SO awesome today that I am filled with a mixed feeling of uncontrollable laughter, amusement, awe, disbelief, guilt and a feeling of being unfair to the unfortunate, all at the same time!!
Right click and open in a new tab/window the most unbelievable true love story that... uhm.. never happened!
And while that page downloads, read the following tag about six quirk, shared by beauty. This is being written because I feel some of you would be keen on knowing me a little better, just the way I am keen on knowing some of you a little better! :)

Quirk1. I love the charm of routines. And I love to observe myself very closely while following these self created rituals. A simple thing like sitting on the bike, opening the lock, setting the switches right, putting on the shades, setting the mp3 player of the cell phone with the right songs, putting on my helmet, wearing my gloves, adjusting my laptop bag, kicking the bike and following the route to office everyday at approximately the same speeds across various curves , intersections and main road, stopping for a cup of tea at the same stall next to office and then removing the 'accessories' one by one, in the exact same manner each day, before sitting in my chair, becomes a ritual.

Quirk2. I hate to find things not in the same way/manner/order as I left them unless of course they are more organised. My chair used to have my name printed on it so that no one would exchange it, move it or sit on it. During the initial days at the new office, the position of the dustbin under my table was getting shifted everyday. I didn't like it and personally instructed the peon not to shift it from where I placed it!
I am also extremely finicky about things like formatting and detailing while evaluating my juniors/other people's work.

Quirk3. I have been unknowingly weird and naughty in school. I have received a zero in "preliminary organic chemistry" and 25/25 in "solving secondary equations through geometrical projections" on the same day that I was slapped by the PT teacher for having eaten the lunch of the kids whose class I was assigned on the 'teachers day' a day before. I have been forced to leave the school in 9th std because I threw ink on my hindi teacher, who gave me the second highest marks in Hindi, while I was the only smart North Indian in a class full of Kannadigas.

Quirk4. I used to fall in love at the drop of a hat! I have had a new crush in each class starting first standard, and I still remember the face of the girl (Suma) that I fell in love with then. I would stare at her face and she would cry. The names thereafter are prati (2nd/3rd), Nisha (4th), Sajita (5th, 6th), Shalini (7th), Archana Chaudhary (8th, 9th), Bindu (9th - In 2nd school), Babita (10th), Dhanya Vishwanathan (11th), Kirithika Malar (12th), Namita (1st/2nd yr college), Rinku (3rd Year), and then "She", for next 4 odd years. I haven't fallen in love since my one and only serious relationship break up with "her".

Quirk5. I can't watch a movie if someone recommends it to me VERY VERY STRONGLY, and then expects me to like it as well, and is awaiting my "positive" response. For eg. I have been terribly put off by Godfather and Titanic for this reason. Have tried watching The Godfather thrice. Never reached beyond half an hour. (I have a collection of 489 movies by the way and none are original DVDs. I may not be proud of it, but I know that if they were not free, I wouldn't have paid for them either way. At least now I can spread a good word about the artists, and create more customers for him/her ;) )

Quirk6. I haven't technically gone to bed in a long long time. I always fall asleep without knowing when. Usually its midway through a movie or reading a book or online stuff, with the lights on, laptop music on, all of which is usually on or next to my bed.

Confessions about... err... dancing!

Its an embarrassing thing I have picked up, and I have to confess it. Have you heard that song from race.. "khwab deke jhoote moothe!?"... well... ahem! I have been craving to dance like mad on that song!!!
*hides his face in between the laptop screen and keyboard.*
aS:lijhs ;che;f;fbsfsd fn;eir ;;a k'sjf' f'sdfdnf df.dv m/sdv (thats what my ears, head and cheek could type)

I am not the dancing type. In fact I have managed to convince myself that I hate dancing, while I actually don't. I never acknowledge it outside, and you my friends, better keep your mouth shut!
I ride the bike and this number blares in my ears at full volume on repeat. I put it there. I have been listening to it continuously since over a day now. I ride slowly at 25-30kmph on my thunderbird and my shoulders move with the beat... my fingers tap, and my head sways back and forth in rhythmic jerks. If you notice, the song has some very very cool 'rhythmic jerks' where all music stops for a second, theres silence, and then it starts again!!... I move with that!... sometimes like a robot... I feel uncontrollably musical and if I stepped on a dance floor I feel I'd look nothing less than a drunk moron!
The line "I am craving for your body now" rocks so much that it makes my entire body emerge out of itself, my arms swinging and swirling in precise body hugging motions, hugging thin air instead, pulling in some empty atmosphere along, the feet moving in smooth uncomplicated motions on an imaginary dance floor, and the throttle hits a sudden HIGH. I come back to the normal 30kmph speed as the song regains its regular rhythm and settles into the cool beat...!
I take the extended road to home and circle twice on it so that I can listen and dance to the song again!...
I feel like picking a random girl and rushing to Elevate (the disc) and wait till this cheap fuckin song plays. I could use the time to get drunk. And when the song plays, I could BURRRRNNNN the dance floor with my oh so natural dance moves. They are real!, completely inspired by the music and nothing else! And I wonder that something this real and this natural must be looking good!!!... but I don't dare... I don't dance.

I have half heartedly stepped on the dance floor many times and midway through a song I get conscious of myself and I forget what to do. I look like I am seeking a partner but I already have one and I am usually totally out of sync with the partner!!
I have had some really terrible times on the dance floor and I have convinced myself that I hate dancing, while the fact is that I just MIGHT love it! :|...but i don't know what happens to me when i am out there.

We had our first fight because she wanted me to pull her to the dance floor while i was strolling around with a drink... i DO NOT GO THERE!!... THAT IS NOT MY FORTE!! ask me for simpler things like a debate on Quantum Physics or irrelevance of the M String Theory, or Sexism and Gender inequality in Aristotle's political lectures!! ask me to unearth the rarest of music and movies for you, or teach you how to grab multiple youtube videos and enhance your basic digicam movie on a free movie editor so you can brag about it to your friends, i'll solve all those complicated computer issues for which the only feasible way left for you is to bang the keyborad (already having exhausted the option of rectifying the problem by kissing the keyboard), i'll help you with a jazzy presentation, complete your thesis in 2 hours flat, write you beautiful letters, help you clean the room, teach you table tennis, hug you at night and wait for you for err.. ever!... but.. hell no lady, DO NOT ask me to dance!

I have moved a leg and shaken more than a hip, including those that were not mine. And I know I have the rhythm... I have been appreciated for my dancing skills although that came as a surprise to me!!... but I just can't dance with HER...ANY FUCKIN HER!... I want to... I really do. And I know that if I get another chance ...i WONT grab it. Taking a girl to the floor and dancing is worse than standing naked for a republic day parade and being captured live on DD1.

I wish I was a natural dancer.

uh oh!... the reality check weekend!

Snippets of conversation in 'Coffee and Cigarettes'. Jim is quiet full of something that I can enjoy. A nice start to the journey. She is looking over her shoulders for the third time now. She seems to be wondering, with quiet a dissatisfied look on her face, about seats and her luck while traveling alone.

More coffee and no cigarettes.

"Oh yes, the holy-land? I get down there and save on time? Why say no! of course."

Evening drags along like a faithful companion. The drag is a nice, pleasant, peaceful drag. The kind of drag that one can also feel while listening to almost silent sounds of music, through a perfectly snug-fit set of earphones, while gingerly walking across a really loud street.

And you are at the cross roads again.

"Check that one. It says its 'holy-land'ward bound."
"Sure. thanks" - "No. He says this ones coming back. Might be sitting here for the night now."
"I am Jimmy."
"I am Gerry."
This isn't the same 'she'.
"Cherry! nice name."
"Ya."
"Its late. Not many go towards the holy-land at this hour."
"A companion would be nice. Guide someone to me."
"I am going a little beyond the midway. Half a companion should be as good."
"Thats is great. I'd feel safer clinging on to the cotton of your arm."

Hop on.

"I have heard a lot about the Irish sense of humor."
"THAT is funny!"
"And what brings you so far?"
"I am a teacher. I love to travel. Its my third day in this unknown but beautiful land. And now you look very suspicious to me."
"I can understand your situation. I don't mind your distrust. It just feels good to have you next to me like a short little dream that one never remembers after waking up. I am sure the dream doesn't mind it."
"I don't know if I'd like to talk to you about dreams and such so early. But I am enjoying it all as if I were 10 years younger than what I am. I'd still want to reach my loved one soon."
"Of course! even I have some loved ones to go back to."
"We'd stay in touch."
"Sure."
"Oh! its Gerry. not Cherry! you can still call me Jimmy."
"I could have made it upto here on my own."
"Yes you could have, but you haven't reached the destination yet."
"So am I supposed to go alone now?"
"If thats a request for further company, I am glad to oblige."
"Roads are beautiful. And the lights. I am tired but I like it so much."
"Your bag is heavier than you."
"I am a farmer too."
"I might as well have left you on your own then. You could easily make 3 or 4 kiss the dust of the holy-land."
"I hope I find my loved one. I don't have anything except... a direction."
"Many don't even have that. Also, I thought I was here, with you."
"And have we reached now?"
"Almost. We have a hill to climb."
"I am sure we'll be very close then."
"Yes."
"We are now."
"I will leave. You can flutter around safely over here. Send a thought my way whenever the dawn breaks for you."
"I will. - Oh! my loved one is somewhere here."

Slipping away through a maze of trees, lights and road... loud silence! A dream floats among the trees, the lights... the road.

Back to "reality check!" huh.

"Here take some more. They want you to carry their weight."
"You must must carry MY weight."
"No one wants to carry my weight. They think its a burden."
"Oh I am so heavy I can't breathe. I feel choked under my own self."
"You have no weight of your own, so why is it too much to share some of mine?"
"I won't even talk to you about my burden."
"Lets just not TALK!"

"I can't wait to be. Just BE."

On my way back.

"Every night and every morn
Some to misery are born,
Every morn and every night
Some are born to sweet delight.

Some are born to sweet delight,
Some are born to endless night."

Dead Man... Wil --- Jim is quiet full of something that I can't understand yet.

She Was Chirpy & Sassy

Crimson feet felt high in the sky.
No, I didn't have drinks on board a flight.
No, I didn't make the "get laid 7 times a week" record last week. Yet.
I just piled up 3 pillows one over other, and slept with my tired tired tired feet high in the air. And as the blood flew from the feet, to the ankle, towards my calf muscles I wondered as to why hasn't anyone invented some special design for feet pillows as yet. One can feel the blood circulation getting better and the feet getting lighter...and lighter and lighter... until one eases into a deep slumber!

I don't usually write personal update posts but this is necessary. The things that happened over the weekend can be categorised into "good, better and best", and the best needs to be shared.

The good bits.
I have had an extremely tiring weekend but satisfactory. My brand was a part of this health and wellness event that happened in delhi yesterday and day before. The strategic brand guy in my who thinks that he has his grip on the pulse of consumer, knows exactly what makes them tick, and has devised the perfect promotion plan for the entire umbrella of his master brand with a targeted one on one consumer interaction of at least 1000 and tangible consumer experience of at least 200, was busy managing trolleys, water buckets, cellphone less laborers/drivers, fabricators lacking any attention-to-detail, hungry staff, supposedly big but actually cheap gimmicky competitor brands and their loud on-ground activities, stock-pilferage-causing aunties and free sample seeking hounds.
Oh Yeah! This was the good bit. I call it the positive learning curve.

The better bits were things like, we overshot the expected on ground conversion by 500% and that makes it the biggest single event that this company has done in a long time. We were the best looking brand and had incessant consumer flow across all three of our sections and managed conversions without giving any complimentary stuff. The hard work paid and it was a success.

Now comes the BEST bit. I generated trade enquiries! Nothing to do with my brand/product. My personal trade enquiries. I got to know through the girls in my team that I was being enquired about by random girls at the exhibtion. And then there was this one girl that I wanted to enquire about. That, my friends, is the real reason of this post.

She was chirpy and sassy. And blue. Oh I love blue. She was with her Mom. Mom, like all moms, was very sweet. But she was chirpy and sassy. Maybe sweet too. I liked her laid back, carefree i-am-still-in-bed-don't-wake-me-please attitude right at noon in the middle of almost 500 people. And yet she was chirpy and sassy. She though I was over-smart and said so. I said I was just doing my job. She thought she looked pretty. I thought she looked pretty. Yet I told her to get a make-over done, so I could tease her by saying, "See, only now you look pretty!". She tried to embarrass me in front of a crowd by loudly uttering things like,"Are you talking to me?" and "I don't care!". Just that I really didn't care if she didn't care because at least I cared, and that there was hardly any crowd!
She was smiling and I know she liked me in that way where these chirpy sassy little blue things don't even want to acknowledge to themselves that they like that oversmart guy who actually doesn't care that they think he is oversmart!
She was so chirpy and so sassy.
And she left without letting me know how could I get in touch with her again. I stepped out of the comforts of the hotel, into the smouldering delhi heat, just to see if I could spot her car and probably try and get run over by it to stop it and then ask her how could I get in touch with her again! I am so so not aware of what to do because I can see her right now and she WAS chirpy and she WAS sassy.

Help me guys!! :| ...pass the word! I don't know anything else about her... the conversation is the only clue, which is.. well.. hardly a conversation!

What do I do? This the third time this is happening to me in 6 months. Crimson feet can't walk all over Delhi looking for her.

The New Race

"No. I don't believe that Ivan! When it comes to the extent to which a human can be violent towards their own type, theres a limit. But these...things! One doesn't know how far will they go before they stop. If ever they stop."

Dr Bianca Lever was shuddering with fear and rage. She had never realized how quickly her journey had brought her so far. In less than 200 years she had managed to reach the pinnacle of the new human existence. Her friend, and now a co-parliamentarian, Ivan D'lyst, was standing stoic as a rock.

"Oh! you'll be surprised. And moreover, they are more human than a human can be Bianca!"

"Not for me. I can't even imagine them as one. And you know that Ivan. They don't have the capability of attachment!"

"Capability or flaw? Irrespective, all the more reason why they are a safer bet for the mission."
Ivan D'Lyst was as convoluted as a flagpole. And could handle flutter as easily. He was aware of his shortcomings too. He didn't have faith in human beings!
"Tell me something Bianca. How far is too far?"

"This could be a new beginning Ivan, or this could be the end of it all. You know the odds. They don't favor any. I fear they will use the X2RMN8 more readily than any human ever will. What stops them from it the moment they have a moral justification? They wouldn't feel the pain, and we will be scraped off this planet for ever like an unwanted layer of rust! Doesn't that make you cringe for God's sake!?"

Unruffled as ever, Ivan moved towards the screen to turn off the time warp and reconnect with the Intra-Existential Parliament.
"Nothing makes me cringe. And we have been in discussion far too long. The parliament may not realise this but outside the forum limits, time is still moving. So, a Human Contingent it is? And you lead the charge? Remember Bianca, its just a recommendation you are making."

She knew how much weight her recommendations carried. After all she had created them. Her mind leapt back to the dilemma she had faced when she was expected to terminate a Humonian. The Humonian had killed Bianca's trusted human guard in an attempt to save her life. Of course, he might have as easily killed her, if only he fully realised the repercussions of her decisions. Laws were laws. And that calm satisfied look in his eyes, of a task well done, had haunted Bianca forever.
Still, she had signed the papers. Only because she knew the Humonians were idealists. No decision pertaining to a social set up can always be devoid of total harm. Someone somewhere gets a raw deal, and Humonians were too evolved to accept such disharmony.

Unfortunately, they were here to stay and they never took the first wrong step. No wonder their communities were way more peaceful than Human's. It was only a matter of time before all humans perished, and Humonians inherited whatever was left of the earth.

"Just one more minute Ivan. Hold on to the warp. I think I have decided."

He looked at her, awaiting the next words.

"Human it is. But, you lead the charge!"

Ivan smiled. He had been expecting the dilemma and been waiting for this moment for the last 147 years. Without saying another word... he shot her.

He was in charge.

And he felt satisfied with his first right step.

Deconstructing Harry: I am embarrassed...

"Deconstructing Harry"...a deceptively autobiographical movie written and directed by Woody Allen. Its HILLLARIOUS to the core. Yes its profane and vulgar, but tell me one person who didn't laugh at least once, while watching a porn flick. No, this isn't a porn flick.



I have not seen much of Woody, although I am sure that henceforth I will. DH is one of the most brashly honest piece of work I have seen. The backdrop of the story is that of a self proclaimed spiritually and morally bankrupt writer facing a writer's block. And the reason why it stayed with me is that I could see quiet a handful of myself in Harry/Woody!
Now, although thats not very important, but its a good enough reason for embarrassment.

Heres what this character is like -
- 60+ and still a boy
- loves his son but can't understand marriage
- doesn't believe in God but is sure of Satan
- believes in physics, black holes and sexual encounters of all kinds
- obnoxious freely hopelessly honest chain lover
- doesn't like being lonely, can't keep wives
- irritatingly argumentative while defending himself
- genuinely innocent while defending himself
- can't understand women
- can't live without women
- flirt, liar, cheat... for people in general
- truthful, honest, fair in his own weird unreal way

A few good thing that I could pick were -
- doesn't like tradition, thinks of all human kind as ONE
- honest to himself
- funny
- actually innocent (Nah.. I am just being good to him)

His treatment of love, marriage, children, sexuality and religion are not necessarily incisive but are very humorous. I suggest you pick it up if you want to watch a weird satirical comedy that gives you a peek into a strange master artist's psychology.

Oh My God! - About Infinity, Probability & A Hidden Paradox

What follows is a set of spontaneous thoughts that were allowed to flow out as words. No layer of editing or structure has been applied. Whatever little structure exists is intrinsic. The way it got created. It may not make immediate sense all the time.

7 Points In My Mind

1. Infinity is being fed into the mind regularly. All the senses, sensing all the time. Information, knowledge, debates and arguments. Blankness too.
2. Mind can't comprehend everything thats fed into it.
3. Mind makes sense by organizing this complex data/information feed, on the basis of likely assumptions made through past experiences.
4. Mind tends to believe the sense it makes, and thus believes itself.
5. Mind also tends to question itself.
6. Belief and questioning help the mind to sharpen its assumptions.
&
7. Mind is "amazed" at all that which goes 'against' its assumptions.

***Amazement, Awe, Wonder, Distress, Bewilderment***

Amazement is an expression of a mistake that does not hurt.
Distress is an expression of a mistake that hurts.

Mistake is what went against the mind's assumption.
Hurt is a driving force that makes the mind change its assumptions.

Belief*Questioning*Mistakes*Amazement*Hurt

Poetic Conclusion:
"The idea of not binding the mind with an assumption and keeping it open to imbibe change without getting hurt is GOD."

Non Poetic Version:
"God = Incomprehensible Data"

How?

7 More Points

1. The Mind assumes an event as less likely or more likely to happen, basis the assumptions made from the limited amount of data that it has been able to comprehend and structure sensibly.
2. When a 'mistake' happens, the mind either reacts in amazement or with distress.
3. Both the situations seem beyond its control.
4. Mind needs a support system to get back to its process of "perception/reception ---> comprehension ---> belief/questioning ---> Assumption". Reboot.
5. God is that Support system. A notion that lets mind forgive itself for the mistakes it made.
6. God thus is nothing but some 'incomprehensible data' that helps the mind to go back to the state of believing & questioning. Because Infinity/Incomprehensible data is where it all started.
&
7. Probability is one such incomprehensible set of notions.

God elicits awe and wonder. Its a Universal Set of all that we believe to be beyond our control. Probability is beyond our control by definition.

Event A: Very likely to happen. Happens everyday. We are amazed when it doesn't happen. (Eg. A politician refusing to take bribe)
Event B: Very likely to happen. But we know there are times when it may not happen. (Eg. Continuous success. Sachin hitting a century in every game, or Steven Spielberg making a blockbuster everytime.)
Event C: Less likely to happen, but we know it happens. At times we cant even believe when it happens. (Eg. You winning any game of luck. Poker, Tambola, Scratch card or state lottery. Earthquake on Tv vs Earthquake in our city.)
Event D: Unlikely to happen. Most of us think that they know it cant happen (Eg. Extra terrestrial life, Someone waking up after dying)

All the sources of our awe, amazement, wonder, distress and hurt come from some such improbable event that went against our mind's assumptions.

The vastness of probabilities can never be comprehended by the mind. And if an event, that has lesser probability of occurrence, actually occurs, the mind is amazed and needs to define such an occurrence. We end up calling this 'mistake' as God.

Thus God, by definition, needs to be incomprehensible. It implies miracles, which are nothing but realization of a rare probability. Thus one brings the notion of faith into picture. Belief in God (The Incomprehensible) implies having faith, and faith has no reason.

Just because something is rare does not mean its occurrence is inexplicable. And just because something is inexplicable does not mean it is guiding or controlling us. This is an extremely stone age thought.

Those rare events, that are interpreted as God's signals, become noticeable by the virtue of their unlikeliness of occurrence. A guiding force is a notion, that a certain set of probabilities will dominate over all other possible outcomes, because of the presence of an external factor. There is no way to find out if that external factor ACTUALLY affected the outcome or not, because one cant go back in time and repeat the event sans the external factor.

Thus, the intrinsic value of the Stone Age God (That Incomprehensible Power Guiding My Life) is null. That God is only as valuable as the value that WE associate with/allocate to it, in order to support rebooting of our system when the mind's assumptions are proven wrong.

'Less Likely' is NOT equal to 'Unlikely/Will Never Happen'.
When Event A is more likely than B, its the occurrence of B that will amaze you.

Probability does not rule out the occurrence of B and thus, leaves that door of hope open, which makes you want to ensure that B happens instead of A. And when it happens, out of sheer probability, you tend to correlate the steps you took and the strategies you applied, and suggest that if the entire 'process' is repeated, you can make B occur over A, again and again! Thats how Knowledge is generated. And we tend to spread this knowledge without realizing the complete nature of the context.

If you didn't do anything, neither A nor B might occur (A third Probability C may). So doing, which is in your control, takes precedence over occurring, which is beyond your control. So you must keep doing what you think you are supposed to do.

And this cycle goes on and on. And its a fight you cant ever win inspite of having won, because you cant ever be sure of it. But thats OK.

This is where, I think, the poetic idea of God begins to make sense.

"The idea of not binding the mind with an assumption and keeping it open to imbibing change without getting hurt is GOD."

Just The Moment

It wasn't until after she left that I realized she was actually gone. I had been looking at her for quiet a while as she was approaching the auto stand. She didn't seem to care that I was. And I didn't care even if she did.

"Mind sharing the ride and save the planet from some pollution?" is what I had wanted to say, looking straight into her eyes.

"Mind sharing the ride and save some moolah?" is what I ended up saying instead.

She thought for a moment. Men in Delhi don't have a good reputation. I guess I looked harmless enough for her to nod in affirmative. She made some space and I sat inside the auto.

"Vivek."

"Ayesha."

"?"

"Ayesha!"

Silence.

"Awkward silence? Or is it that I am not supposed to get to know you?" would not have been an optimum way to break this silence. I let it prevail.

She opened something to eat. Didn't offer. "Don't you think you should offer some?" I thought to myself but didn't utter.
I was oddly glad. Thats the kind of bad manners I am famous for.

"I am sorry for barging in like this. But you look deliciously pretty and I just wanted to be around you a little bit longer" I thought to myself again and didn't say a word. It would have been nice to tell her this, with that innocently charming nonchalant attitude of mine, and then turn the other way without giving her a chance to respond. But I just didn't feel like disturbing the silence.

Silence.

Probably because it was getting prettier, the silence. I was liking it. She, most probably was indifferent to it. Not giving it, or me, any thought.
I would love to wonder that she wanted me to break the silence. To say something that created a spark.
I think the twinkle in my eyes is usually enough. Narcissist. No words spoken.

I could see her through the mirror. The usual beautiful things that can happen to girls on chilly nights. Her hair felt free to gently brush across her face and the lights were doing little tricks to make her look prettier. She looked unaware of herself. Possibly the way I looked unaware of myself. I soon realized my hair too were feeling free to cover my eyes. The auto guy was fast. Enough wind was being rumbled up for me to feel cold and for her to look beautiful.

I wanted to tell her that I could have said nicer things to make her feel nice, but somehow I didn't feel like saying anything tonight, and that it didn't matter if she didn't speak much either. The silence was nicer and I would rather quietly see how the lights were doing little tricks to make her look prettier. I wanted to share things with her, and "that moment" seemed like the best thing to share.

I wanted to let her know that I was excited to see her, to be with her and it really didn't matter if all this didn't matter to her. And if she ever met me again, I would tell her that how beautiful I thought she was, and how wonderful it would be to know how beautiful she actually is.

But for now, it was just the moment, and it was many.

Ponting: Racism Is The Root Cause Of Road Accidents

This is the scoop of the century guys. A super exclusive interview with Ricky Ponting post the WACA fiasco. This story also reveals the truth behind the racism charges. He was heard muttering under his breath something on the lines of, "Yess.. this is my chance to show them I am innocent".

Crimson: After all the hullo ballo post Sydney, how does it feel to loose at perth?
Ponting: If you are trying to question my cricketing skills, you shouldn't be standing there!

Crimson (Surprised): Whew! I thought you were keen on giving this interview, but you seem a little stressed out... mate! Are you sure you want to continue?
Ponting: Of course! Don't mind that Maite! Its just a habit. I am not used to getting drubbed, so am using every opportunity to drub others. Basically that was my honest answer to the first question. I am feeling a little sad though. I thought I was doing the right thing and everybody opposed me.
By the way, if you are questioning my eagerness to share my thoughts, you shouldn't be standing there!

Crimson: What 'right thing' are you talking about? And just for your information, I am sitting.
Ponting: You know, the racist thing. I thought it would be a nice example to call Harbhajan a racist and help spread awareness about traffic rules.

Crimson (Baffled): Racism & Traffic rules? I am sorry if I am being daft here but, what exactly are you trying to say?
Ponting: Oh come on Maite! Speeding and racing are the root cause of accidents on roads. And when umpire Bucknor told me and Symonds to charge Bhajji as a racist we agreed. We have raced a lot against Bhajji around the hotels and we think he is a darn good racist. Might as well charge behind him and prove that we play "hard and fair". I really couldn't get the monkey connect there, but I guess Symonds liked the idea so we went ahead with it.

Crimson (Baffled, raised to power 100): Do you even know what racism means?
Ponting: I am not sure mate, but if you are questioning my vocabulary then you shouldn't be standing there!

Crimson: Ok Ok. We can move ahead. Guess the racism thing has been misunderstood completely. Are you planning to drop the charges against Harbhajan? Given that you charged him with over-speeding, should he be punished for racism?
Ponting: No Maite! Harbhajan said something bad about Symonds' mother as well. He has confessed it. We did not get it earlier. But now that we have got it, in the spirit of the game, we wont let it go.

Crimson: We thought he called Symonds a monkey. Where does the mother fit in?
Ponting: I don't know, I am confused myself. He said something like "Teri Maan Ki...". He didn't finish the sentence but we know his intentions were wrong. But I think we wont drop the charges because between over-speeding, monkey calling and mother taunts, Harbhajan must have done at least one thing wrong. So we think he gotta go.

Crimson: Well, lets move on to cricket now. What are your plans for the next test?
Ponting: Earlier Harbhajan was getting me out, and now its Sharma. I think we can charge Sharma as a racist and win the match. He sure is bowling fast too. So this time I know we wont get it wrong. Again, I am not sure if bowling fast and driving fast are related, but at times you just gotta go with the flow. And then may be we can remain the best team in the world, and I may become the best batsman in the world.

Crimson: Don't you think thats unfair? Sharma has just started his career. And by the way, do you know that Sachin might be conferred the Knighthood by Great Britain? Thats what happens to best batsmen. Look at Sir Don Bradman. You are not even close.
Ponting: If you are trying to question my fairness, you shouldn't be standing there!
Talking about Sharma, I told you, we play "hard and fair". And "unfair" is also a type of "fair". On knighthood, I usually like to be famous during the day, so I am not really worried.

Crimson (Slaps himself on the forehead with the center of his palm): One last question. Do you plan to go to school anytime soon?
Ponting: If you are trying to question my whatever, you shouldn't be standing there!! I am sorry, I didn't know what you were questioning and I was dying to say it again.
No, with all the cricket happening, school seems a little low on priority. Although, Symonds did mention he wanted to go to school cause he was not sure if monkey was a 'speeding racist car' or an 'Indian deity'. They have him all confused. Poor guy!
But thanks for the suggestion. We as a team learn from our mistakes and will work on them.

Crimson: Thanks a lot for giving us your time. All the best for Adelaide.
Ponting: Thanks Crimson. All the best to you for getting 'laid' too! *wink* Cheers Maite!

New ICC Rules

A certain Mr Sharath makes some very interesting suggestions here as a comment. I REQUEST and PLEAD to Mr Malcolm Speed to ensure that ICC adopts these. It will at least keep the air clear.

(1) Ricky Ponting (THE TRULY GENUINE CRICKETER OF THE ERA, WHOSE INTEGRITY SHOULD NOT BE DOUBTED) should be considered as the FOURTH UMPIRE. As per the new rules, FOURTH UMPIRE decision is final and will over ride any decisions taken by any other umpires. ON-FIELD umpires can seek the assistance of RICKY PONTING even if he is not on the field. This rule is to be made, so that every team should understand the importance of the FOURTH UMPIRE.

(2) While AUSTRALIAN TEAM is bowling, if the ball flies anywhere close to the AUSTRALIAN FIELDER (WITHIN 5 metre distance), the batsman is to be considered OUT irrespective of whether the catch was taken cleanly or grounded. Any clarification for decision should be seeked from the FOURTH UMPIRE. This is made to ensure that the cricket is played with in the RIGHT SPIRIT by all the teams.

(3) While batting, AUSTRALIAN players will wait for the ON-FIELD UMPIRE decisions only (even if the catch goes to the FIFTH SLIP) as the ball might not have touched the bat and swung to the fifth slip. Each AUSTRALIAN batsman has to be out at least FOUR TIMES before he can return to the pavilion. In case of THE CRICKETER WITH INTEGRITY, this can be higher.

(4) UMPIRES should consider a huge bonus if an AUSTRALIAN player scores a century. Any wrong decisions can be ignored as they will be paid huge bonus and will receive the backing of the AUSTRALIAN team and board.

(5) All AUSTRALIAN players are eligible to keep commenting about and harassing all players on the field and their families (specifically mothers) and the OPPONENT TEAM should never comment as they will be spoiling the spirit of the AUSTRALIAN team. Any comments made in any other language are to be considered as RACISM only.

(6) MATCH REFREE decisions will be taken purely on the AUSTRALIAN TEAM advice only.

PS.
Bhajji probably told Symonds, "Teri Maan Ki..." and Symonds heard Monkey. No Racism here. Every race has Mothers.
Australian cricket lovers are fabulous but the current Australian team us quiet pathetic.

And as i write this... news came in that Bhajji is in and Bucknor is OUT!

...but Symonds does look like a monkey!

The outcome of the 2nd test between India and Australia does not read 'Australia defeated India by 122 runs'. It reads 'Ricky Ponting and his men have lost all respect, and have let down Australia as a nation, and great cricketers like Steve Waugh'.

Not walking out in spite of clearly being out, and appealing while there is no reason to, only reflects the levels of unsportsmanlike behavior that the Australians have stooped to.

The Umpires' decisions and their overconfidence sucks like rotten rats sucking on dead meat. Disgusting and unrealistic. Steve Bucknor has lost his respect too.

This match was a reflection of how past success can blind you and make you prone to injustice. Australia and Bucknor, both have been successful at what they have done in the past, and I hope that this day marks the end of their success.

I believe that this Australian team will soon see its downfall and Bucknor shall have a disappointing end to his career.

Btw, Bhajji has been banned for three tests, on alleged charges of calling Andrew Symonds a monkey. It was Bhajji's word against Andrew's. Sure the odds are against poor Bhajji. They say Brad Hog called Indians as 'Bastards'. Hearing for that will happen later. All this is so un-cricket. What Bhajji did, if he did, is not worthy of pride, but as Siddhu put it, when Australians do it, its called mental disintegration and when Indians do it, its called racial abuse.

How does it matter if there was no corroborative evidence. After all, in spite of corroborative evidence against Steve Bucknor and Mark Benson's decision, no action seems to have been taken. I hope it soon will.

For now, I think India should only demand that this match be given unofficial status. Then at least we have an outside chance to win the series and give the Australians what they deserve. A humiliating defeat.

Thumbs down and a BIG ZERO to the Australian team.
Minus Ten to Ricky Ponting, Adam Gilchrist & Mathew Clarke.
Minus Hundred to Steve Bucknor & Mark Benson, the Third Umpire and the Match Referee.